~songs in my head~

没有地球太阳还是会绕.

But I don’t care what they say. I’m in love with you.

I just wanna fall and lose myself Laughing so hard it hurts like hell Forget about everything and run away, yeah

~ MOTTO ~
:: if you have tried your best, there's no need for regrets. ::

~ THOUGHTS ~
By ourselves we are too weak to hold our own even for a moment.

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God" (Romans 8:28)

For what it's worth, it was worth all the while.

"God has given, God has taken, blessed be the name of God" (Job 1:21)

"I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out – plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

:: juz taking a moment to remember ::

Sunday, December 05, 2010 7:37 PM

Officially moved!!

My new url: www.londonbridgefell.onsugar.com
Same name just different domain...
Was deciding between mintyvintage vs londonbridgefell
And dear said tht the latter sounds cooler cuz londonbridgefellonsugar, geddit??
Add me on my new space! :)

Hmmm..Goodbye blogspot..
It has been 7 yrs here..
the one thing I will miss is my current Oh So Random template..

Hopefully onsugar will serve me well in the years to come.. Hehe

---Somewhere between our laughs, our long talks, our silly little fights, and all our jokes, I fell in love.

Labels: growing up

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Tuesday, September 07, 2010 3:05 PM

on the topic of women's sacrifice during/after child-bearing

Valerie says (2:46 PM):
女人的牺牲。。。
是男人的话。。。
都应该爱惜和疼老婆
女人青春有限

YoU'lL nEvEr WaLk AlOnE says (3:01 PM):
...
wah
is this like a threat?

Valerie says (3:02 PM):
hahaha
no lah
it is just a REMINDER
是男人的话。。。

YoU'lL nEvEr WaLk AlOnE says (3:03 PM):
wah
ok...
play advanced psychology

after this conversation, i conclude
I AM REALLY PARANOID ABOUT AGING, SAGGING, & FATTENING!!

---Somewhere between our laughs, our long talks, our silly little fights, and all our jokes, I fell in love.

Labels: growing up

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Thursday, September 02, 2010 6:46 PM

This morning just when I was abt to leave my house for work
I received a call from the clinic
I was holding my breath
Until she said the results are normal!
Words can't express the relief and comfort I felt..
That my body behavior was wacky but it wasn't due to any cancer, infection or abnormalities...
This is such good news for me because I have been imagining the worst
Phew
Finally cleared my fears
Doc says once I get well from my cough and flu
I can go get the jabs
I guess the money spent for a less than 1min test was v well worth

I also didn't knew I have sensitive nose till recentLy
Doc said I hv extra sensitive nose
And my nose is blocked always causing me to breathe thru my mouth
And cuz the mouth cannot filter the air as well
Thr may be lots of particles tht goes down my throat causing me to accumulate pheglm
And causing itch and trigger cough
So she gave me nasal spray to use for one mth
Nv used one before so I had to read the manual haha

Lots of visits to doc recently
Thankfully my company benefits include the aviva card tht means the visits for regular consultations are free!

I just hope tht I will remain healthy
Been drinking lots more water than before by bringing a water bottle ard
I acty find water quite drinkable than before haha
And falling sick means I keep missing gym
Sigh no yoga and no body combat this wk
Boo :(
Jab jab
Looks like I can only practise my moves on roland hahha

---Somewhere between our laughs, our long talks, our silly little fights, and all our jokes, I fell in love.

Labels: growing up

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Sunday, August 08, 2010 5:47 PM

if love moves in circles, perhaps my circle is finally complete

i realized, finding a lasting love is like finding a dress that fits you well, one that can complement your assets, and hide your flaws.

why do i say that?
many times when i shop online, or surf on other people's blogs,
i find myself drooling over a dress that looked so perfect on that particular model/girl.
but when i buy or try the same dress, or if i see another girl whose body frame is more similar to mine, i will see then "ahh... this dress may be lovely, but (sadly) it may not be for me"
it probably doesnt fit as well on me as when i originally saw it.
or maybe the dress is meant for more curvaceous/taller/larger frame girls.
and that makes me a little sad but i tell myself, there will be another dress that i like and fits me well.... afterall, there are so many types of dresses out there.
and there may be one dress that fits me better than it fits any other girl.

in love, this theory applies too.
humans tend to have this "the grass is greener on the other side" thinking
because we are always comparing ourselves to others,
and comparing our partners to our friends' boyfriends, husbands, lovers.
even when we are single, we may look at certain seemingly perfect (generous, funny, loving, sexy, gentle, smart, rich blah blah) men and imagine them as ours...
but what we dont realize is that though a guy may look good on the arms of another girl,
but he may not necessary be suited for us.
i guess increasingly R's "best-fit line" theory (you may not find someone who is perfect but you can aim to find someone who is best fit for you) is making sense to me.

I googled "best-fit line"....

Best-fit Line

This is used to fit data to a known mathematical function. Suppose you have some data involving two variables, in the form of several pairs of values for them. To find about the relationship between the variables, the first step is to plot the pairs of values as coordinates of points on a graph.

Then if you draw a line on your graph, so that the line passes through or close to as many of the points as possible, then you have drawn the best-fit line. By drawing such a line, we are attempting to minimise the effects of random errors in the measurements.

For example, if our points look like this

our best-fit line should be as shown in the next diagram.

interesting that i am starting to apply a mathematical/physics theory to love. haha.
but it does make sense - typically in our minds/hearts (depending on whether you use more logical or emotional thinking) we will plot ourselves with that prospective/potential partner - our personalities, compatibilities, differences etc, to visualize how a partnership/relationship might work out. assuming we are able to plot these "values" onto a graph, and we can draw a line that passes through or gets as close to as many of those points as possible, then that person would be quite ideal for you. i suppose that is how this theory works.

i think both of us plotted that graph and drew a best-fit line in each of our minds. :)
time and place did play a big part in determining this line though.
i think we wouldnt have been right for each other when we were in hall or when we first knew each other as og mates couple of years back.
and this relationship reminds me of the very first serious one i had in secondary school with AL...
the common denominator was that both started from friendships...
and i guess thats what makes me think or feel that if love moves in circles, perhaps my circle is finally complete, because i fell in love with my best male friend again!
i've been through a couple more relationships after AL... but i didnt share much mutual friends with those boyfriends, and they all started off very superficially, based on "feelings", appearances/looks and just a spark of 好感。。not much knowledge and understanding of the other parties.. and because after AL, i thought i never would get involved with a good friend again.. since ive already experienced what its like to lose a friendship due to a breakup.
but this time round, its pretty amazing and totally unexpected.. because our feelings only developed after we know each other for 5 years!
there is nothing superficial about it, and i hope the foundation of the friendship we had will be the strength of our relationship.

speaking of which, i really miss him while he is away on his tioman trip!
this weekend seems too long without him to bring a little cheer and laughter to me
the next time i see him will be 10th august!
turning 24 "officially" in 2 days time.. definitely feeling old.
even my dressing is more comfort over style nowadays and im always worried that my skirt/dress is too short or whether my heels are going to break my feet. lol
this must be one of those growing old signs cuz i never worried about my poor feet back then while buying and wearing all those crazy heels.
it has been too damn long since i bought a new pair of shoes, not even a pair of flats.
amazingly, the trendy zone nude flats has served me very very well.
typically at the rate i wear those flats, they used to last 1-2 months.
but that pair has lasted at least 1 year or longer? amazingggggggg...
who says cheap is not always good. hehehe.

alas, after working for 1 yr i still have not gotten myself a pair of zara heels.
i was looking at some lower heels options at aldo but i wasnt convinced to part with that $xxx for 1 or 2 inches heels... if i want to spend $xxx on heels, i must buy 4 inches high!! (ok, at least 3)
but anyway that pair that i liked in zara is already long gone
so well i shall wait for the next season.. im sure zara will not disappoint. :)

ive changed quite a far bit over the past couple of months... probably since 2010..
shopped much less.. and instead those money saved went to my trips.. HK in march, Bintan in may, and Phuket in july... (wow, on hindsight that was every 2 months hahaha)
im trying my best to stop buying clothes because, lo and behold, i simply have not enough wardrobe space for all the clothes i have!!! arggh.. even after i donated 2 big bags of clothes that i no longer wear or like.. somehow, i dont seem to have more space!

in the past 3 months i would say i am quite successful in curbing my online shopping :)
in june i somehow didnt buy a single thing online... not a piece of cloth, nor a pair of shoes..
on 1st of july, i bought a $16 top that i wanted to buy in the last few days of june but pushed to july so that my june record could stay clean :P
since august started, i bought 2 dresses... (hope it stays that way!)
its not always easy because women LOVE retail therapy and impulse buying.
but now i always ask myself "do i really need another of this dress?" cuz i tend to buy very similar stuff.... that explains why i have 3 very similar monochrome bodycon dresses.. -_-

and now i am starting on my exercise regime!!
signed up with true fitness last month and after recovering from my sickness,
finally went body combat with jacq last friday.
boy, i felt like such a klutz!!
hand and leg didnt seem to coordinate... damn paiseh
but it was a good sweat for me.. now my body and upper arms especially are aching...
i think i will go for yoga/pilates the next time round... alternate the type of classes.
need to keep fit because my metabolism is dropping!!!
and i put on weight!!!

23 hours to my birthday :)))
and to seeing my darling.

---Somewhere between our laughs, our long talks, our silly little fights, and all our jokes, I fell in love.

Labels: birthdays, dreams, growing up, if love wasnt so atrocious I would have stayed blind

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Thursday, August 05, 2010 8:56 AM

Its the blues

Have been feeling rather down since the start of this week
I'm getting that kind of tired of work feeling
Although its not actually that worrying
Since I will be staying put where I am for awhile still.
Perhaps its due to the cough & flu tht has been bugging me for the past two weeks (thankfully I seemed to have recovered abt 90%)
Or it has to do with the changes at work for this quarter
But overall I just don't seem to have enough time for rest and play
July seemed to pass so fast tht recalling phuket now feels as if it was such a long time ago
But its actually only about 3 weeks+
Sigh..

And I guess with all the news about people moving ard and seemingly riding higher and higher in their career paths
it makes me feel demoralised and rather doubtful at times of my own industry
How long do I have to be stuck at this entry level with the pathetic pay, with no fixed yearly increment or bonus and no promotion?
The climb is slow in advertiSing
I know I'm not the only one feeling this way
But that only helps a little to mute that little voice in my head
Its easy to say hold on..
But it can feel self deluding at times
When you feel the world is moving but not you...

All I feel like doing now is lie down on the sand of maya bay or kata beach and let the sun bake me and the waves crash upon me..

Ill be fine, after awhile
I guess

---Somewhere between our laughs, our long talks, our silly little fights, and all our jokes, I fell in love.

Labels: growing up

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Friday, July 23, 2010 1:07 PM

protecting one-self: Power Over Cervical Cancer (POCC)

ok, i just decided, before the end of this year i should go get cervical cancer vaccine.
because i read that, it is most effective when taken during the age of 16-25.
and i am going to be 25 soon.. ):
so better go for it...

apparently....

Cervical cancer is the 2nd most common cancer that affects us women worldwide.
In Singapore, one woman is diagnosed with Cervical Cancer every 2 days, and one loses the fight every 5 days.

Cervical cancer IS preventable.
It is the ONLY preventable woman's cancer.

so i hope, this little post will encourage all my female friends who are reading this..
to do the same...
just ping me if you want to join me to get the vaccine... hahaa...
we can go for it together...
there are 3 jabs, i think it will be spread out. 0 - 2 - 6 months.
and btw, getting the vaccine doesnt mean you dont need to do any more pap smears..
it is still advised to get one done at least once every 3 years..
it will help to spot any cancerous cells in women's cervix.
please dont do it during your menses haha.
ideally it should be done 14 days after the 1st day of your period.

although getting the vaccine would mean $xxx amount flying out of our already shallow pockets,
but prevention is always better than cure.
it is a real risk for any woman.
so do take the time to think a little more about it, like i did (:

you can visit http://www.facebook.com/POCCSG and like their page.
first 3,000 people to do so, will apparently, receive a $160 spa voucher.
and this is not an advertorial hahaha, i wish it was :P

---Somewhere between our laughs, our long talks, our silly little fights, and all our jokes, I fell in love.

Labels: growing up

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Saturday, June 26, 2010 2:18 PM

Heavy rain

Like flash floods which occur so quickly
brought upon by heavy heavy rain
Before we know it, the water is already beyond ankle-deep
Submerging cars, uprooting trees, creating waves in our hearts
Threatening to swallow this island up at times

Just like flash floods
Some things occur in flashes
Suddenly,
Unexpectedly
You wasn't even imagining
Nobody said a thing
Flood just came, just took control

---
Damage control wasn't as intensive as imagined
Shock factor less than thought
I'm glad
Once again, digging out ghosts of the past
Not so pleasant
But it had to be done

Whatever happens,
I know some things will not change.
Que sera, sera
This seems overused but
Old sayings always contain some bit of truth

Same same but different
I like this feeling
Its been there, all along
And it seems like I only gained super sight recently
Timing wasn't perfect
On hindsight
Now its like finding the last piece of the jigsaw to complete that puzzle
And I found it under my land
Right under it

goodbye or see you,
I'll be your best kept secret or your biggest mistake.

Labels: growing up

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Monday, June 14, 2010 11:33 PM

from far away

something made me smile today
hehe.
i received a postcard from someone.
it came from mongolia.
it's been a while
a long while but seeing that scribble, that handwriting
put a little smile on my face.
brings back memories of long ago.
like the history questions he wrote down on the PRSS foolscape paper for me.
like the dozen of letters i threw away in a moment of anger & foolishness.

just a few lines but its the thought that counts.
i didnt expect that i will get a postcard.
its going up on the wall right next to my bed.
as a testimony that our friendship survived
despite all those silly matters
(:

goodbye or see you,
I'll be your best kept secret or your biggest mistake.

Labels: growing up, if love wasnt so atrocious I would have stayed blind

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Sunday, June 13, 2010 7:08 PM

Dizzy woes

Today I almost fainted again
Wonder since when did my body become so weak
The weather, I blame it on
So terribly hot
I felt so light headed, and breaking out in cold sweat
Yet I felt so hot and my chest felt like there were no lungs inside
Black spots swarm around me each time I stood up
Yet I felt no better sitting down

Its really not a nice feeling
I wished someone cld hv just knocked me out
Seems like I need to take more nutritions and vitamins
From now on!

And I so nd a body massage
Aching bones

goodbye or see you,
I'll be your best kept secret or your biggest mistake.

Labels: growing up

1 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Friday, June 11, 2010 11:56 AM

on repeat - 周杰伦's 新歌

说了再见

你的笑你的好脑海里一直在绕
我的手忘不了你手的温度
心碎了一地捡不回从前的心跳
身陷过去我无力逃跑

说再见才发现再也见不到
能不能就这样忍着痛泪不掉
说好陪我到老永恒往哪里
找再次拥抱一分一秒都好

---

超人不会飞

Oh~如果超人会飞
那就让我在空中停一停歇
再次俯看这个世界
会让我觉得好一些

Oh~拯救地球好累
虽然有些疲惫
但我还是会
不要问我哭过了没
因为超人不能有眼泪

i feel so tired nowadays.
must be PMS + fatigue + other unknown illness
sleeping before 12am or even 10pm, doesnt curb this tiredness.
my eyes want to close already.
somehow i've been feeling blue these days,
it could be the PMS me.
or it could be attributed to other things.

things that i cant say out,
things that can't be photographed.

it's been some time.
somehow its not as hard this time round.
perhaps im numb.
i feel like a different me.
but it is actually much-welcomed.
how long more, for me to keep this up?

i can't wait for phuket.
another colleague going on leave, and i have to take over some stuff.
thank God she is only away for 3 days.
it shall be my turn soon.......
to dump my things.. hehe.
im wondering if i should take a longer leave to rest at home.
just lobo and tuang.

--
we need another trip to eat the claypot rice.

goodbye or see you,
I'll be your best kept secret or your biggest mistake.

Labels: growing up, i have atrocious friends

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Wednesday, May 26, 2010 11:36 PM

missing the main point

my house unit number 1331, came up in 4D results again!
last week was first prize, today is consolation.
for the first time i went to get some numbers with jacq & sky today...
bought 4896 and 0796 haha.
cause parry taught me 4896 =西北够力
and i came up with 796 = 及够力 (my malaysian cousins love to say that)
hehe.... though they didnt strike, but it was just for fun.

after work, jacq, sky and i went for sakae sushi.
originally i was planning to go home cuz i was having abit headache due to the super hot weather... but jacq wasnt feeling happy and had lots to complain about :D so decided that we shall all go for dinner. she gave us a treat (: heheh thanks.... although she wont see this.

tomorrow is thurs, and its going to be a busy and hectic thurs.
i will have to bring back some work to do over the weekend cuz i simply dont have enough time at work to compile the deck for my client.
so many things, so many changes at work.
big or small, i have to embrace them.
oh well. cant wait for renick to be back so that i can return him his stuff hehe.
also hope that they will carry out my confirmation review soon, i want my leave!!

going out with csbs for movie tomorrow.
yayness.
love to meet up with them.
a bunch of crazy, fun loving friends.
(:

and thanks to everyone who has been there.

goodbye or see you,
I'll be your best kept secret or your biggest mistake.

Labels: growing up, i have atrocious friends

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Sunday, May 23, 2010 12:35 PM

not the usual sunday

its not a typical sunday for me,
in fact, my mon, tues, wed, thurs, fri, sat, have not been usual as well.
but i guess i am trying to cope.
we all have to learn, sometimes the hard way,
and along the way we pray for some help to keep us sane.
cause being alone sometimes is not that easy.

it doesnt even feel like sunday to me. when i woke up this morning, i felt as if, i was transported back to last year during October-December when i was looking for a better job and slacking at home.
so, on my not so typical sunday, i went to have breakfast with my parents at bedok hawker center, and witnessed for myself a dispute between this young lady who was probably helping out at her family's kopi/kaya bread store and this middle-aged seemingly slightly lunatic auntie customer. (note that i am a little biased against the customer here as i can totally understand the situation from the seller's point of view)
i didnt catch the entire argument but bits and pieces:
Young lady making kaya toast: auntie, the uncle queued up first but you jump queue to order....
Lunatic looking auntie (buey song tone): then you give him first lor.. you are the one making (toast) what, i cannot say anything
the uncle who supposedly came first: err.. nevermind you can give her first la... (trying to make peace)
Lunatic auntie: no no... she say you first then ok lor... i cannot do anything what...
Young lady making kaya toast (getting visibly agitated now): auntie everytime you come you must pick on something... teh si not hot la, teh si not sweet la, teh si too sweet, bread soggy la, etc why must you be so difficult?
Lunatic auntie: where got everytime... (is she admitting sometimes she's picking fault then?) you dont like my face you tell me la.... you dont want to do my business is it....
Young lady: ya i dont want to do your business (takes up the buns she's been toasting and literally threw them into the black plastic sheet - one of the bun even dropped on the floor)
meanwhile, i was thinking so this is how it looks like from the customer-behind-crazy-customer's point of view (refering to me)....
hahaha.... gungho leh the young lady....
as fierce and quick tempered i am with my parents' stall's customers,
i dont remember that i ever dumped their orders into the bin ahhaha!
i only shouted '你不要排队(queue), 就不要买lah' or '你自己叫(order)错，还要这样unreasonable'... etc.... honestly though people always say 'Customer is always right'..
i hell dont believe in that.... although i do believe that even though customer is not always right,
the seller should always give as much (patient) service as possible.
but the quick tempered and very very explosive angry me on sundays usually cannot remember that... 谁要是惹我，我就惹谁。。。 although recently my customers have all been very 乖。
哈哈。。
well it was interesting to witness the seller-customer dispute from an external point of view.
and although the young lady was very angry with lunatic customer, she was extremely nice & polite to me... this, i think i ought to learn from her. 不能一竹篙打翻整船人，对吧？

after breakfast, i went to dump parcels into the mailbox,
and went for a leisure walk around bedok interchange while waiting for the nails bar to open
had a very much-needed pedicure, and i was pleasantly surprised with the scrub and toe-snubbing/massage exercises thrown into that 30 bucks.
the scrub felt, super good.
and now looking at my freshly painted dark (purple? blue? its so dark i cant really tell the color) toes, i am a happy girl <3

recently i have been quite conflicted
as a result i am sorry to my friends especially wenxin,
cause one minute i might say this, the next minute i will tell her that i dont feel like going.
its all temporary i hope, so please bear with me.
wx and wensheng sneaked up to my place last night, it was quite funny.
i heard noises outside my room (just beside the corridor) and i thought was my neighbours
then suddenly the window was pulled open and they say hey!
my mum who was watching tv in my room was surprised too
and after that i changed to go downstairs makan with them... then my mum also went to shock them by pulling the window open and boo them while they were unsuspectingly waiting outside.
(cuz they actually didnt see my mum in my room at first so it was quite funny!)
in the end we played with the cute ginger cat downstairs after i makan-ed the pasta mania they lovingly da-pao for me...
and we came back up to watch 就想赖着你
after eating supper at McDonalds, i borrowed my sister's car to send them back (:
it was my first time driving my sis's new car alone and i parked successfully when i came back.
one-time attempt! (:
hopefully i will be able to drive ok when my sister and parents head off to china next, next week.
planning for 85 market ba chor mee, and maybe a trip to sentosa!

i have also been rather sensitive totv shows and movies recently.
every other show that is on love, loss, ex-convicts and family,
seems to be able to activate my tear ducts. -_-
maybe it is because work has been so crazy and stressed this week
cause my colleague is on reservist for 3 weeks...
sigh, 2 more (short) weeks to come.
although short weeks mean packing more things to be done into 4 days ):
hope i wont curse or cry over his stupid mailers again haha...

and, chardium on iphone is so addictive.
maybe i will be fighting with isaac over my sis's iphone tonight. haha!

p.s - is it the lunar 7th month in hotel city? there are so many ghosts in my hotel! haha.. although it beats having cockroaches... i guess these are little new tricks to keep the game fun.. the ghosts even produced 'whoo whoo whoo' sounds..

goodbye or see you,
I'll be your best kept secret or your biggest mistake.

Labels: growing up, i have atrocious friends, if love wasnt so atrocious I would have stayed blind

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Thursday, May 20, 2010 12:33 AM

seeing the greener part of the present

i promise to blog about the fabulous, wickedly memorable Bintan 'tuang' cum 1-yr-late graduation trip with my dearest csbs.

but right now, just some random scribblings to keep myself from overflowing,
and from flooding my friends' news feed on facebook with my incessant thoughts.
i seem to have something new on my mind every 3 seconds or so,
and its not practical to put all of them up.

right now, right now...
my thought is to try to see things in the best light
there are many angles we can look at,
and there are many we can choose to focus on
if we should choose to think and focus on the negative,
then that is what we get.
as roland always say, smile and the world smiles with you..
if i choose to think on the brighter side of things,
perhaps it might all be for the best.
i might as well enjoy the present rather than worry about the future, or cry over split milk.

i dont know when is the best time to say it,
but somewhere somehow i stumbled and it all happened.
this time round it feels so private
i have to say, i cant seem to find words to describe everything, publicly.
all i know, and all i can say right now, right now,
it is all still so surreal.
i am like floating in and out of a dream.
but i know, this is no dream.
and im staying put this time.
staying put to a decision made, best for us.

ill cherish those moments
that seemed not too long ago,
short-lived yet so battered.
daunting, yet so promising.

a best kept secret,
friends forever.

Labels: growing up, if love wasnt so atrocious I would have stayed blind

1 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Friday, April 30, 2010 8:34 AM

Roses that don't bloom

The only thing that I look forward to nowadays is my bed
Weekends, they are a thing of the past
Online shopping, the kicks are gone
The only thing I want everyday is to sleep
A deep sleep, without bad dreams and backaches

This year, parents & sis going china without me
Lack of funds + leave (my colleague going reservist for 3 weeks)
It will be a busy june
Before I know it, I will have to make some decisions
Before I know it, august willl come & I will turn 24
But I don't want time to just slip past
Too fast, too slippery
Not enough time for me, not enough to accomplish what I set out to do at the beginning

It all feels like I've been in this solo world for too long
If you sit beside me, I may not recognise you
That's me, me, always one person now & another the next
yet I accumulate more and more masks
Masking the interior
Piling on layers.

goodbye or see you,
I'll be your best kept secret or your biggest mistake.

Labels: growing up

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Tuesday, April 20, 2010 12:23 AM

you think, i thought, who confirm?

it seems like no matter how many times you try,
there are some things that you will never master.

why does it all seem so familiar.
like a cycle.
waves rise and they fall.
and they crash upon the shore.
perhaps a high tide must always recede into a low tide.

words are words.
they only carry so much weight.
it always started with a bang, and seems to always end with a sigh.
when am i going to learn,
when am i going to be able to wise up,
when will i know.
or when will i act.

life keeps throwing this little rocks onto my path...

goodbye or see you,
I'll be your best kept secret or your biggest mistake.

Labels: growing up

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Tuesday, April 06, 2010 7:08 PM

That cursed dress + online shopping theories

I think it is about time that I chuck that DKNY-inspired dress!
Seriously…. I don’t dare to wear it anymore, it seems like 499 other girls own it too.
Last month I was thinking of wearing it but decided to wear something else.
Luckily. Cause while I was crossing the traffic light at my office there, this girl walked past me wearing that! Imagine if I had worn that very same dress. Cringe. So paiseh.

Yesterday I decided to wear it. But I was wearing my black blazer with it so that it will be less obvious even if I bumped into someone wearing it. I went to work, then marina square, then home, thinking that it was quite pathetic to have to hide what I was wearing. And then after alighting from my bus, while walking that 200metres home from the bus stop………..

There was this woman/mother going into her family car wearing the exact same dress. She gave me a double look after she realized. But I just pretended not to see her hahaha. She was in her late 20s/early 30s I think? And I was like thank God I have my blazer on, at least we don’t look like walking carbon copies. Eew. Hence, I think I shall never wear that out liao. Pity pity, I like the lime green tone. Sigh~

It seems like I have outgrown online shopping (for good, maybe). It doesn’t excite me the same way it did 2 years ago, or was it 3. It doesn’t have the same effect on me anymore. I was thinking hard why:

a) all the clothes look the same, and most are either poor quality or just too teensy-looking/trendy for me. Maybe im just too seasoned. There are no designs that really WOW me anymore, not even looking at ASOS stuff excites me. Bareback, tie-back, cross-back, ladder back, criss cross, bodycon, bandage, lace, maxi dresses, chiffon flutter, leggings, jeggings (the new term for denim jeans + leggings) and whatsnot, I have seen and possibly owned them all except harem pants (which I still don’t quite fancy as I don’t think a baggy crotch area looks nice on me). It’s pretty SADS (Wong, 2010). There’s nothing to buy even if I want to. My wardrobe already contains at least 2 of each style described above. I guess this is what you call the equilibrium in economics – my supply has met my demand. Hahah.

b) Admittably, there are some nice pieces from time to time that are suitable for work, wallet-friendly (compared to zara/mango/topshop) but they are from the superbly popular online shops like bonitochico, agneselle. Before I even buy anything, an alarm bell already rings in my head that about 499 other girls will have this too in the same color or another color. And I will bump into at least one of them wearing the same thing to zouk or orchard 313. This then puts me off from purchase. So there, back to nothing to buy.

c) Sites like forever 2 1, gojane, asos, that I used to bookmark and visit fervently to join sprees…. They don’t seem to have anything that is so eye-catching anymore. Even g-market, Korean sprees and I can’t remember what else I fancied… somehow just lost their appeal.

d) I no longer check my shopping email every 5mins like I used to in university. Like literally keep refreshing, camping infront of computers for tracyeinny updates, endless scrolling though sgflea, sgsale communities. I do miss doing that with siting though. It was so much more fun doing online shopping together I guess. Maybe that is one of the reasons I’ve cut down.

e) Or maybe after I started earning my own keep, a depreciating bank account isn’t a nice sight.

f) Plus now that everyone is into online shopping, it just doesn’t seem that special anymore. It used to be quite cool and unheard of – ‘where did you get this dress?’…. ‘oh I bought it online (said with a smirk)’…. ‘huh… how you pay? Have to use credit card right?’….. ‘no la, can use posb transfer/ibanking’…….. so it was like if your clothes are bought online, they are either special cuz the designs are different from physical stores, or they are cheaper (think f21), or just the fact that they are bought online! But now it’s like they set up BEST OF BLOGSHOPS stores (roll eyes, never saw the point), and shops like hula & co just sell the same stuff from online shops. And everyone is wearing something that is distinguishably and obviously from online.

lastly, there are also just too many, too many, too many online shops out there. The secret of the source is not so secret anymore. I think the last reason is that I just don’t want to pay the amount to buy something from a blogshop when I already know the cost price & source. I miss the OGD days even, when its not so competitive. I guess that’s the problem with trends. The start is always fun to ride along, but then eventually it gets boring.

I used to think I will always love online shopping, but guess not. I believe it will still exist of course, its not a fad but has become a part of living. Heck we can even buy groceries online. But sadly in terms of fashion, I think its appeal has worn off me. I seem to be more into bags and shoes now. Imagine all the amount I have ‘invested’/’thrown’ into clothes over the past 3 years, I could have easily bought that prada lambskin bag!!!

moral of the story: whoever invented fashion committed an atrocious crime, indeed. hahaha.

goodbye or see you,
I'll be your best kept secret or your biggest mistake.

Labels: growing up, whoever invented fashion committed an atrocious crime

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Sunday, March 14, 2010 9:45 PM

we ought to ask ourselves

The relationship between commitment and doubt is by no means an antagonistic one. Commitment is healthiest when it is not without doubt but in spite of doubt.
- Rollo May

doubts cause people to relocate their hearts further & further away
because they are afraid of getting it broken

doubts cause people to hesitate, to worry,
to protect themselves
to build a fortress

sometimes it all feels like everything is going up in smoke.
what a paradox.

i wonder where do i stand.
where do i occupy.
or am i just hanging by the moment.

--
Dashboard Confessional - Vindicated

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye

And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated

[Chorus]
I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intentions
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me so isolated, so motivated
I am certain now that

[Chorus]

So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away [3x]
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away [4x]

[Chorus]

Slight hope
It dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...

goodbye or see you,
I'll be your best kept secret or your biggest mistake.

Labels: growing up, if love wasnt so atrocious I would have stayed blind

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Wednesday, March 10, 2010 11:01 PM

catching up

a short post before i crash.

Hongkong trip was a blast. absolutely enjoyable & loved every minute of it.
dont have the photos from howie yet but here are the highlights of my trip:
1. came back with the much coveted 2nd hand LV epi leather noe in mustard with purple lining. costs me only 2000HKD. 1/4 of the original price. actually i realise i dont really care that its 2nd hand, i just like this design & color too much. dont think its still in production so 1st hand is impossible. thanks to the high exchange rate too.

a sample photo of the bag i got. will post photos of me carrying it when i get them:)
beams.

2. ocean park was amazing. the weather was chilly & unbeatable. tried the rides and im so proud of myself that i managed to conquer the seemingly most daunting one - The Abyss Turbo Drop. this is the free fall ride whereby we will ride to over 50 metres high and then a few seconds later, drop down. i felt like there was no seat below me, and nothing i was holding onto. the anticipation was making my legs shake but i gotta to say, the view at the top, terrific!! even on the rollercoaster, and this space rider thing (which left us giddy and unable to walk straight thereafter), the views of the mountains and the seas in HK are just breath-taking.

3. the lovely hotel room (which looks like a serviced apartment) and the amazing picturesque view we had facing the sea & tsing yi bridge. one of the best hotels i've stayed.

4. weather was like air-con on the streets, similar to when i went there & shenzhen last nov. it was nice, but we were a little unprepared with our thin tees so i got a sweater from ocean park's souvenir shop. expensive, but a good memoir of the trip. the sweater is really cute too!

5. and i got to mention this, i tried the durian & 黑糯米 dessert i mentioned in my previous post,
and it is simply divine. it is the BEST DESSERT i have ever eaten. i finished every drop of it. that's how nice it is. hahaha. i know it sounds crazy but it was just nice, not too sweet even though there was durian, and it was not too sickening, easy to eat. i will definitely want to have that again when i return to HK someday... (maybe not so fast... cuz i've been there 2 times in the past 1 year already haha). but yeah, it was really really delicious.

6. this was my 1st trip overseas with bf. so thanks for making this memorable & so enjoyable dear:) i know you had a good break too, so look forward to your new start soon! hehe.

i'll blog about the rest of the trip when im less busy!
work's been quite crazy...

at the hongkong airport, i went to prada shop and i fell in love with these bags. i think i'm slowly becoming a fan of prada.

trust me, the bags are so much more prettier, classier & elegant in real life. the nappa leather is so soft to the touch. but at $3890 for the nappa leather version and $1950 for the nylon version, they arent on my affordable list right now. it's okay, i will save up. :) i love the taupe/cream color one. the black is nice and very easy to match too. argh. (have i become a bag lover? gasp!)
oh btw, kate spade is much more cheaper there by abt 100-200 dollars. :)

Prada Vernice Gaufre Frame Bag.
you really got to see this in real life, touch it to understand its beauty.
i hope it will become like an icon of prada or something, like the chanel 2.55, so that at least when i have enough money to buy it, it will still be there haha.

well i have set up my mind to focus on the bigger things in life :D
and by that i mean, saving up and bypassing smaller purchases that are seasonal/impulsive/transient (think dresses, shoes & magazines) to obtain bigger purchases in the long run.
my bigger purchases refer to branded bags, electronic gadgets, handphones (my htc is lagging very badly, i want to get a blackberry next), cars (my sister just got a black Camry! wooo... cant wait to test drive it hahah! it's black color though, if only it was shiny red.) etc.
hahaha and nope i have not turned into some materialistic freak.
i just think that these are things that are more worth my bucks than things like clothes, which dont really have much value, especially after its no longer in fashion or whatever.
at least branded bags can still be sold off after passed their seasons.
so, im going to swear off online shopping. its true, i hardly buy anything online now, really a rarity for me who used to love it so much.
i used to buy alot of clothes + shoes + whatever online, not bad just buy, cheap also buy, everything was nice so buy, and there was a scary time stress in school triggered my impulsive buying so much that i only had a one digit in my bank (and a very nice digit). really not funny to recall, i remember telling no one. so yup, even though this was eons ago, but its a reminder to myself too.
i think about mileage & value alot more these days.
perhaps its a sign of age & maturity.

and this is the camera i would like to save up for.
canon powershot s90
i hv seen the photo quality, really clear & sharp.
my casio camera is very pathetic now, images turn out too grainy.
hope to get this camera by May this year.

bed time.

goodbye or see you,
I'll be your best kept secret or your biggest mistake.

Labels: a woman's work is never done, dreams, growing up, if love wasnt so atrocious I would have stayed blind

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Thursday, February 25, 2010 12:38 AM

it all comes together now

tonight is one of those days (or nights) when my mind refuses to let my body go to bed.

yesterday i met my bestest friend + roomie in this whole world
really, i could tell her anything & everything
and she's one large, extra large blessing in my life
after our talk i concluded every family has their own situations & every person has their own issues and problems to deal with
really miss those days when we were roomies.
wished we had spent more quality time together. but waking up and knowing she's just beside, or looking forward to her coming back from home... we were like a les couple muhahah...
it was a feeling of stability and security :)
anyway, we went to sakae sushi. it has been such a long time since we had sushi there together.
remember those days when we went to have their buffets and we will try (ok its me!! haha) all means & ways to hide the rice rolls so that we can just eat the 料 on top of the 寿司 and not get fined for wasting food :D
i think back to those days when she was just my classmate, someone wearing baggy uniforms, always in pinafores and that unruly curly hair with bangs. gosh that was like almost 10 years ago. and i smile to myself as i look at her now
change is sooooooo possible (Never Say Never!)
she now buys coach sunglasses kay! : )
and shops with me at aldo! hehehe....
i love her to bits and our friendship will always grow stronger & stronger!

today's the 3rd day at eftc.
can you believe, we actually play Wii to relax & compete for prizes in office.
in fact its pre-arranged and everyone has a schedule to play..
it was my first Wii experience. played tennis & bowling
i am quite awed by the technology nowadays.
(okay i know i am quite lagging & slow)
the characters inside the game were so adorable and full of kawaii expressions
funny thing was when i was bowling, i didnt swing the remote in the right direction
and the bowling ball swung backwards
and the characters reactions were damn funny.
try it if you dont believe.
besides that, the very idea of Wii is quite genius
everything is like motion detection
especially while playing tennis, it felt like a real tennis game except that you dont have to run around the field & the characters do that for you.
real cool. im really impressed even though im not usually a games person.
i still live in the era of Sega games & playstation. (which i think my mum recently just threw away during CNY spring cleaning)

i think im really lucky and in some ways i feel surreal
that i am finally at that kind of company whereby work is not so monotonous & serious all day
the people are also quite friendly, and it seems like i can end work at 6-7pm.
gosh, quite unbelievable.
the best is when i leave at 615pm my boss doesnt even bat an eyelid
she doesnt suddenly want to have a meeting with me or run thru checklists with me
i feel like a free independent person here
that feeling is just awesome. its like im in a bigger agency but can still have work/life balance?
its just hard to believe.
job scope wise, im picking up... and though it is still not totally what i hope to be doing, i believe this is the first step only.. and this will be an easier stepping stone for me to move to other agencies in future.
my target agencies are TBWA, Leo Burnett & BBDO.
why these 3?
first 2 because i've been there for interviews & im in awe.
and BBDO because they asked me for an interview & hence i must return there someday ahha.
but seriously i guess my dream agency for now is still Leo Burnett.
for now & the year ahead i will just work hard & climb towards my dream.
despite my 3-jobs-in-a-year predicament,
im still really blessed to be here right now
being in a big agency really allows me to see things on a more macro point of view
things are more organised & there are rarely last-minute things
ads are planned way in advance, and they are all backed by statistics & awesome logic
and the clients dont tell you what to do
you tell them what & convince them
its a great feeling to be able to sway & persuade
even though im not so good at it now, i will be some day.
i will be a great AE/AM/AD and able to sell any ad with confidence, poise & persuasion.
one can always dream : )

its really time to hit the sack.
thursday tomorrow, whee!
& im going HK next weekend.......

goodbye or see you,
I'll be your best kept secret or your biggest mistake.

Labels: a woman's work is never done, dreams, growing up, i have atrocious friends

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Monday, February 22, 2010 11:14 PM

Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there. ~Josh Billings

nice quote there. the story of stuck snails below.

anyway, i flushed 2 mini snails down the toilet bowl.
the snails were imported from our neighbouring country, Malaysia
they were driven all the way from Pontian to Kulai back to Singapore while they were
hidding comfortably in the pandan leaves that my mum brought back from my uncle's house
somehow the snails escaped death by crushing and planted themselves on the walls of my toilet
at first there was only one, so i took a bucket of water, poured over it, but it remained glued to the wall surface
i decided to close one eye.
one side of me was wondering whether it will grow into a large snail, those that i used to see and almost narrowly stepped on after it rains, in hall 12.
then today i came home and saw another one
i took alot of toilet paper (sorry, trees), tried not to think about how mushy/squishy those things felt under the thin paper, grabbed them off the walls (felt so disgusted at their texture) and i flushed them away.
will the snails enjoy swimming, you think?
i did what i had to do.
at least you breathed the singapore air for a week & celebrated CNY with us.
oh did i mention, they were the size of buttons.
so much so that i mistook the bronze button on my mother's shorts as another snail.
dont haunt me tonight, snails.

asos dresses that are <3<3<3

love this purple.

i think the back design of this is slightly nicer than the purple one. and can probably cover the bra strap so no need for nubra.

Love the poster for NINE. it speaks of glamour, mystery, sex and one leading man with lots of charming women around him. its now my laptop's wallpaper :)

bought another 2 books from HMV today - New Moon and Memoirs of A Geisha, which im going to re-read! it seems only yesterday that i borrowed it from Shuwan. i miss hall life! :( my neighbours sw & sj, and being able to stay late, hangout and all that... those were the days. indeed.

first day of work went quite smoothly & fast.
had a proper induction program to follow before i catch up the workload from my colleagues.
loads of processes & systems to remember.
and there were a few promising signs about this place, lets hope things keep that way.
people are friendly though its difficult to remember all the names and who-whos now that im working in a larger co.

good thing was i did not turn up and find myself suddenly have to setup my own computer (or alas! dont even have one!)
another good thing was that all meetings must be pre-arranged via outlook express. even a 10 minute, grab-you and talk meeting. oh, how i love that very command coming out from my boss. it feels like those days at design bridge. i was so, so, glad.
structure may be bothersome for some, but its like breathing fresh air to me.
no more last minute meetings that cause me to be uncertain about my schedule daily, or what time i can leave because i have to wait for my managers to come back from meetings and blah blah... no more michael suddenly grabbing us and say 'oei meeting meeting, 快点' and then it becomes an hour long of inefficiency.

and today at the company's restructuring meeting, i notice that if when the logo is placed on a black background, you can actually forgo the E and see an ! exclamation mark besides the logo boundary.

this is what i mean! do you see the !? after you see the ! its hard to not see it anymore. hahah visual trick:)

versus this

im headed to bed.
there's work afterall tomorrow.

"There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love."
a perfect quote to end this day.

goodbye or see you,
I'll be your best kept secret or your biggest mistake.

Labels: a woman's work is never done, dreams, growing up, if love wasnt so atrocious I would have stayed blind, whoever invented fashion committed an atrocious crime, why must we label everything?

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

on repeat mode

Leona Lewis Lyrics

mine

abandoned blog I
abandoned blog II

the past