~songs in my head~
没有地球太阳还是会绕.But I don’t care what they say. I’m in love with you. I just wanna fall and lose myself Laughing so hard it hurts like hell Forget about everything and run away, yeah ~ MOTTO ~ :: if you have tried your best, there's no need for regrets. :: ~ THOUGHTS ~ By ourselves we are too weak to hold our own even for a moment. "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God" (Romans 8:28) For what it's worth, it was worth all the while. "God has given, God has taken, blessed be the name of God" (Job 1:21) "I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out – plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” (Jeremiah 29:11) Hit Counters |
:: juz taking a moment to remember ::
Friday, July 31, 2009 8:34 AM
Screw work I'm exhausted Mentally and physically Took mc yest and pretty much slpt thru the day Watched gossip girl and realise I din have the last 2 episodes And tht they extended the series to season 3! I hate how I get phone calls and sms from stupid clients Disturbed my peace and sleep How wld u like it if I call u on your mc/leave? Poor ae.. its as if we gotta be contactable 24/7 Even if we are much less important than doctors and surgeons I wish that I could escape somewhr where I can truly let my hair down No calls no one to answer to No freaking work to do So I can rest my fatigued mind I wish I had not rushed into a job after exams And given myself a break But then again everything may have happened for a reason I guess Maybe I will truly understand it someday That day my manager said I ought to do another account Cuz I'm getting stagnant now. Nv use brain anymore, just routine, coordination Come be in my position and see amidst all the rush and last min jobs the client throw me (due to their fickle mindedness) And you see if you have any spare time to think more than get the bloody thing done You can't expect efficiency and demand creativity at the same time Plus its not as if I don't tell the client the truth tht their promo is not gd enough Or tht they are trying to shout too many things Whatever Maybe its good to try another client and see how they can further test my limits I'm just glad the weekend is here I wish I could fast forward time to end of the yr To the time where I can have a less hectic life goodbye or see you, I'll be your best kept secret or your biggest mistake. Labels: a woman's work is never done 0 wore their hearts on their sleeves Tuesday, July 28, 2009 8:48 AM
The secondary days Recently while looking high & low for my 'a moment to remember' vcd I came across a treasure trove of memories tht I have somewhat forgotten about Inside the cupboard there were my old vcr tapes, prob recorded my jap drams and last episodes of my fav tv shows And in there also lied plies of letters from my oldest friends (1 decade old!) Like leemei, constance, huiling etc Out of nogstalgia & curiosity, I took out the entire folder tht store those letters from leemei or rather 'elin' as I addressed her back then I have acty been using the name valerie for 10 years, woah. From now on I'm gg to take a few letters with me everyday to read on the bus Which was what I did this morning Haha it is jus funny and strange to read letters tht reflect my past How we talked like we were experts of love, and the big philosophies and stuff Every letter we wrote about our 'fan nao' Don't know why our young untainted hearts could have felt so fan then, haha Leemei would write abt me liking to make simple things complicated That I always look back on the past, living in it (somewhat like now) That I like to worry unnecessarily and consider too many what-ifs (altho I thk in recent yrs I have become more reckless and worry less) but its true, her observation of me, even back then.. Andy, ronnie, laichun, weilong.. we wld write letters to and fro just pondering on ho and what shd be done And to pour out our troubles and our misery abt luv hahaha I read constance's letters and they were also pretty similar But about different people, talking abt our worries abt o lvl And filled with lots of hai~ and fan! and I dunno la..haiz~ I like those letters with the dates imprinted on the envelopes or written as sign off Or at least the year it was written So tht I can look back and put two together Aha.. I can't wait to meet constance to show her those childish things we wrote :p On a random note, last weekend, despite having to work, was quite a blast. But I was so tired I almost dropped my phone cuz I was nodding off Looking 4ward to the next time it will be such a blast.. one mth from now bangkok, here we come!! :) goodbye or see you, I'll be your best kept secret or your biggest mistake. Labels: growing up, why must we label everything? 0 wore their hearts on their sleeves Friday, July 24, 2009 6:12 PM
Memories galore Just ended convocation. My convocation. Till that very moment when I stepped into the audi.. I didn't feel much Then hearing the song Graduation by vitamin c And then walking up the stage for my own few seconds of glory, it dawned upon me that it was my graduation After 16 years of education.. Hearing the valendictorian's speech, I felt tears misting my eyes Not because I will miss my classmates cos I do not acty knw many of them well But because I came to realise how glad I was to have come to ntu cos of hall 12 The 4 seemingly long years now feel no more than just mere months From a unfamiliar place in ulu jurong, it has grown on me I miss taking 199 back to hall at night every sunday And then doing my laundry late at night Sometimes being hindered by the fact tht there are no available washing machines I miss awaiting to hear wenxin putting in her key in the doorlock And then tiptoeing to behind the door to give her a fright or a welcome hug I miss turnin ard and seeing wenxin slp earlier than I do And then seeing her wake up in the wee hours to finish her work I miss how I started from acp to vice chair to financial sec in FOC I miss how we did non stop canvassing - garung guni, v day, singpost.. I rmb how I first saw my seniors demo cheerleading and thought it was so cool and scary at the same time I rmb feeling the tremble in my legs when I first stood on my partner's shoulders And we thought we would hit the ceiling fan I rmb how we said ruifang looked like bob dog And how we tot lionel was cute. I rmb feeling on top of the world when I realised I could acty perform some of those stunts 1, 2, down, up.. i , 2, sweep Those chants all too familiar And even till now I still have not watched the video of our actual day performance I might cringe at the very front part where the opening stunt failed Or I might feel happy tt I managed to stay on top for the act that usually flopped I miss how I would always disturb roland abt his strawberry fear And I rmb how shocked he was to see tht watermelon hanging outside his room I will also rmb the time mingkeat changed roland's msn pic to the obscene girl With watermelon btwn her legs, how we laughed like crazy when roland saw it I rmb those times of benches bday celebration I rmb how we got ruifang to drink an egg downed in some alcohol How we drew tortoises and other nonsense on his body I rmb slping over at caddie's old clock tower room Hearing the fan creak as if it was spinning lizards inside I rmb bathing at 2, 3am after we come back from foc meetings/supper hops And I rmb watching gossip girl and eating hor fun at the same time I rmb taking photos for ogd at the staircase I rmb the times we had watermelon juice every night for dinner I rmb the story of shuwan being dunk inside my red pail I rmb the times we ganged tickled roland and mk I rmb our breakfast times, teh o bing for shujing I rmb going to jb for seafood, tt we went to buy vcds in a shady shop I rmb sending mk to sweden And I rmb welcoming him back when we went dbl o And I rmb me sayin I wanted to go ktv cuz I was high I rmb the subsequent happenings I miss the times we would go to ktv Sing lian ai iNG and di yi tian And superwoman and nan de yi jian.. I rmb how toot we all looked I rmb the times we address one another as csbs, animal farm, bachelors club Horse, duck, frog, cow, monkey, chicken... I took away more than 4 yrs of education in ntu Out of so many memories, I don't know which I wld like to frame up I am.. Forever not a student anymore Officially out of school shelters No more undergrad, no longer going to school And classmates are replaced by colleagues But today, I'm very happy when I saw all of us gathered tog on our very last day in ntu, maybe fated to have our csbs convo on the same day And we took a photo I know will always be etched on my mind I love that photo esp the one we took using my fuji instantx.. we are all united.. we came to ntu as strangers, but we leave as csbs:) Damn emo I am.. But I wish this friendship will always stay.... Just one thing I felt, was missing on this impt day... Someone I can call mine.. Someone whom might have got me flowers or tht ntu teddy bear. Someone significant with his arms around me. But nonetheless I know that I am happy enough inside at this point:) Better than to look back at photos of significant dates and see that I'm no longer with whoever Sometimes photos are like tattoos. etched on and difficult to erase goodbye or see you, I'll be your best kept secret or your biggest mistake. Labels: growing up, The more we study the more we discover our ignorance. but ignorance is bliss so we should study more., why must we label everything? 0 wore their hearts on their sleeves Thursday, July 23, 2009 9:07 AM
Putting the last quarter on Tomorrow is the 24th My convocation date Someone's birthday out there A month after saying bye 3 months and 4 days since I started in img 24 also reminds me - one more year till my 24th One date, one number, so many interpretations Last night I dreamt of mark, design bridge's boss He said to me 'im so sorry.. would love to have u but our current capacity just doest allow it in this economy' Aha, the dream is a crystal sign of how much I yearn to be thr I look at their getaway photos on facebook and I rmb just hw it was like then I miss the friends I made thr, the monochrome environment, even memories of the coffee machine lingers in me I can't help but feel bitter sometimes Wonder if the testimonial and verbal welcomes and praises I received then were no more than polite talk To top it off, eunice is gg back thr. Just makes the pill even harder to swallow sometimes O well.. maybe someday thr will be a chance... In another 2 weeks or more it will be my 23rd bday Gosh time just flies isn't it.. it seemed just like yest whn I threw my 21st bday And didn't even invite my own bf haha.. Not tht I ever regretted tht decision And not like it matter now anyway.. I'm like, 7 years older than my claim of being sweet 16th The horrors of truth Anyway I have a long list of wants :D So if u don't knw what to get me u can refer to this.. hahaha Top on the list.... chanel bag/christian louboutians (maybe more relevant on my 32nd bday la) Followed by, in no particular order but randomness.. 1. Gel eyeliner (the green that I miss seein on ET's face) from bobbi brown 2. 28 pounds omg dress from asos 3. Heels from zara 4. More cut-out tops or dresses from asos 5. That elusive f21 floral maxi 6. Camera tht does a better job than my casio 7. New watch might be nice too 8. New mp3 player but not a need 9. A red lippie from shu umeura 10. $300 to be credited to my posb savings 029-xxxxx-3 for my next online shopping splurge 11. Dior jadore perfume 12. Space traveller machine, the last time i heard, its called car in human talk Hmm is 12 too many? I'm sure I forgot to mention something. Haha.. most are just too much to ask for so a dinner treat at.. say, kushinbo, will be great. Hahaha Or a ktv session.. i miss my friends. I'm blogging this on my htc dream. Its a dream... tht came true :) Time to get off the bus. goodbye or see you, I'll be your best kept secret or your biggest mistake. Labels: a woman's work is never done, growing up 0 wore their hearts on their sleeves Friday, July 17, 2009 8:36 AM
I hope you are happ(ier) Its been a while, does absence always make the heart fonder? haha.. Much has happened.. Stressful, crazy deadlines at work leave me feel suffocating Breathing relief only when I hear the magic 'pls proceed' Argument with my manager whose mannerisms belies his real age Unreasonable clients, suppliers, out-to-irritate designers I'm so tired.. I just wanna slp till 12noon like back in hall.. miss the freedom and The carefree life of an undergrad. I miss the $3 hor fun in ntu can 13, grilled fish from can 14, and heck even the breakfast set at can 16 (and more so, the ppl whom I woke up to eat with..) Workin life feels like a whirlwind.. fast, furious, crazy Yet even I could not have predicted tht when one door closes, another opens.. So there we were, trying to grapple with the hard decision For someone who doesn't adore changes, I placed myself level to level with honesty, however unpleasant it was to be.. I was torn, but I felt like it was the better option.. It wasn't that I was tired of the relationship, it wasn't that you were bad to me It wasn't just because of my job, it wasn't anything else but our incompatibility And different expectations about our ideal relationship Maybe its my fault for thinking tht I could deviate from my ideals, but I never Intended to give up on any relationship without a tough trial I thought you were my reality, someone so down to earth, wise and best for me.. But I realised, even if you could be more understanding, get angry less with me, It wouldn't change how different we are.. Yes I was very touched you wanted to change, but after 1 year & 2mths, I'm pretty sure tht somethings are just fundamental, and core values cnt change much. Neither do I want to change you, because I rather someone else appreciate you for who you are.. Thank you N for everything in the past 14+ months.. Chompchomp, 5.20, kway chap, cup walker, nuggets, hall 12, buangkok, compass point, kopitiam.. Whr it all began with a picturesque high view at kovan melody, and ended in a similar setting at quartz.. I'll remember most of all, your squirming cockcroach drinking water act coupled with your Guinea pig blinkx2 eyes.. which activated aching laughter and rolling off the bed.. I took away a very important lesson from you - we must always face up to reality I'm sorry, sorry tht we can't make up, for hurting your feelings Maybe not now, but in the near future, i want us, as I'm sure you think tht way too, to be gd friends.. No anger nor sadness, no blame nor upset, just acceptance and being happy apart There's no easy way to say goodbye to someone you have been sharing ur life For so long.. But I wish this would be best for you and me Remember u told me, each of ur gf acts as a filter for the next.. I'm sure you know, after me, you need a girl who's more loving Haha so I hope to hear gd news soon! Always a best kept secret See you.. :) Labels: a woman's work is never done, if love wasnt so atrocious I would have stayed blind 0 wore their hearts on their sleeves |
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