~songs in my head~
没有地球太阳还是会绕.But I don’t care what they say. I’m in love with you. I just wanna fall and lose myself Laughing so hard it hurts like hell Forget about everything and run away, yeah ~ MOTTO ~ :: if you have tried your best, there's no need for regrets. :: ~ THOUGHTS ~ By ourselves we are too weak to hold our own even for a moment. "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God" (Romans 8:28) For what it's worth, it was worth all the while. "God has given, God has taken, blessed be the name of God" (Job 1:21) "I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out – plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” (Jeremiah 29:11) Hit Counters |
:: juz taking a moment to remember ::
Saturday, July 29, 2006 12:23 PM
awful me. i dunno if things are better or worse than wat i have imagined. i only know regret. crying is the only way to voice out the pain i have seeing someone else hurting. sorry is the only word hanging on my lips. but now i gotta put everything aside first and conc on the camp. i gotta be strong. i cant say i know what to do or how to, but in time to come, i will mend things so that they are like before. Signing off, no more ink. 0 wore their hearts on their sleeves Friday, July 28, 2006 3:13 PM
2 more days to FOC i dunno to be excited or nervous.. right now, feeling abit numb to everyting. like things are happening, alot of things, but then i just seem to be taking in and in.. yet nv really absorbing.. nv thking abt the consequences, maybe such as what if the camp screw up, etc.. kinda weird.. i can still put up a happy normal face.. but sometimes i also dunno what i m thking.. i am just sooo tired. 5 days of late nites, i really duno if i can tahan anot lei.. last time was as freshie.. so if fall sick, can skip camp. but now as main commer and a programmer whic is crucial to the camp, i m scared i cannot take it. hmm.. anyway, my hp this time really cui.. at first already duno why sometimes hanging.. and v lagging.. without any reason cuz it was perfectly working well before that.. den just nw i dropped it, it is quite jialat now.. the clock that usually appears as screensaver disappears.. and tings are erantic.. sigh.. i scare later during FOC it *choy* break down completely den i die.. haha.. hmm.. maybe things will be fine on its own.. maybe i shant worry too much.. everything happens for a reason rite.. but wat if tt reason is not acceptable to u? like if foc screw up.. it may happen cuz of a reason. but tat reason may be absurd to u cuz its still negative happenings.. haha.. dunno wat philosophy i am talking also.. Signing off, no more ink. 0 wore their hearts on their sleeves Tuesday, July 25, 2006 11:55 PM
so i'm still alive so driving on the PIE is still okay. just that i was very well-behaved and travelled at the speed limit or less most of the time, and the highest i hit was 100 km/hr and i was like "oh.. din realize i was stepping the accelerator so much.." haha.. the feeling of driving from east to west and finally not taking 199 into hall but by car feels great! heh. moved everything into hall yest, and the feeling of having my own room, a place that i can call my own in hall feels good too. except i am still feeling abit disoriented abt the location of my new room, the layout, where it faces, and the staircase that i have to use to get to my room. finally had black pepper crab and cereal prawns yest!! yummy cuz the crabs were so BIG and its been ages since i had crab. but the black pepper taste v little. and the cereal taste "lou feng". but still enjoyed till super full. then had a long programmers meeting in my room. today went ikea and now my room has a new curtain! yeah.. v filmsy cuz its shower curtain lah. but thk it looks wayy nicer than the original one. also got a dust bin for $1.60!! haha.. i guess next time dont wan use le can convert to pail. haha. i am feeling v tired, stressed, puzzled, sad, excited but nervous, weird, unsettled, fluctuating mood of happiness and unhappiness. haiz.. hate this kinda feeling. but i really dunno how to help myself. the fact that sch is reopening doesnt help either. i thk i am enjoying my no-studies days too much i cant accept and adapt back to pre-holidays situation. and i am kinda dreading the long long meeting tml to finalize and go thru EVERYTHING in foc. sigh.. need to sleep and forget all these. but got alot of things to complete. Signing off, no more ink. 0 wore their hearts on their sleeves Sunday, July 23, 2006 11:10 PM
still not satisfied!! i swear sambal stingray has gotta to be the best dish in the world!!! haha.. cant get enuff o it tho i just had it mayb 3 hrs ago.. yummy lah.. sigh.. i thk i can finish one whole one by myself.. still rmb last time me n my cousin ling-ling ate 2 whole big stingrays almost by ourselves.. haha.. bopian they are just so big, cheap and tasty in malaysia.. singapore one stingray malaysia can eat two! and i finally finally had my ba chor mee!! sigh.. one of the greatest joy in life is to eat ur fav food man.. and satay too! how long since i had satay! sigh.. all these at bedok 85 market with the ocip ppl.. well supposed to be gathering, but things as usual went haywire, ppl were late and end up not turning up, or had to stay home last min.. so only got me, yiwen, aikmeng, aaron.. hehe.. despite that, i enjoyed myself lots. tho they always talking abt army, i cld still engage n join their conversation cuz aik had v interesting stories cuz he is police! told us abt catching the chickens and she-man(s), raids and the liu hong mei her body parts in kallang basin, etc.. then aft tt we went east pt Starbucks. i had hot cocoa, so yummy. and then talked talked before aik sent us home in his father's nissan someting car.. damn big and spacious and nice la.. i like the door esp haha.. the handle is like tt kinda whr u got ur chauffeur to pull open the door for u to alight.. so zai.. the east pt multi storey carpark v lousy and scary gt alot of sharp turns. so small and squeezy.. his car nearly kissed the wall.. haha.. and i had my cheng teng today! wah finally satisfied my craving for it. and hot fudge sundae and sausage mcmuffin fr mac on sat. woooo.. thk i will pile back all the lost kilos soon.. i am craving for cereal prawn and black pepper crabs! haha. thk thats for tml!! and maggi mee.. -_- v long nv eat that le!! now that my stomach seems ok.. i must satisfy all my cravings.. watched pirates on sat.. quite nice and had a surprise yet argh!! ending.. haha.. its quite erm exciting but felt wayy too long. and v gross the octopus! eeee.. now i must reconsider when i eat tako sashimi.. haha. then went east coast to cycle all the way to bedok jetty.. v fun!! cuz i super duper long haven cycle.. was suspecting whether i stil knew.. haha. but cuz i too playful try to cycle without hands and i sort of scrape myself against the wheel and even knocked the seat out of position. haha. quite painful but stil okay. now gt a about 1 inch red scratch on my thigh.. gei kiang.. haha.. den went swimming aft tt.. haha exercise day.. but pool was tooooooo crowded to really swim, so we just play ard awhile lah.. and had ramen yong tau foo.. was my 3rd bowl of ramen in 2 days.. cuz fri lunch was ramen fu zhou yu yuan, dinner was spicy seafood ramen!! and i drove! went to pump petrol, and i did my v 1st u-turn since i passed.. and parked quite nicely twice.. ok i noe i like to record down such inane and seemingly insignificant tings.. but each step is precious to me haha.. i am looking forward to tml, yet abit nervous.. cuz i will be driving on the PIE to hall!! worrr.. hmm hope nth happens.. :P this week i am not so looking forward cuz alot of meetings,and i thk alot of tings to do for FOC.. i am feeling nervous abt foc lor.. and thking it wil end v quickly, den sch will start. i am super reluctant. haiz. some1 save me. Signing off, no more ink. 0 wore their hearts on their sleeves Friday, July 21, 2006 11:53 AM
20.07 this post was supposed to be yesterday's. but i was too busy. or maybe too lazy as well after the 3 hrs plus meeting with edwin and yin jie at Suntec, and then meeting baby to carrefour to buy my new fan *grinz* poor baby had to help me carry that 5.5kg fan all over the place.. if i was alone, i dunno how i wld have brought it home. haha. monday moving back to hall!! feel abit excited yet weird.. 20.07 this date means quite alot to me. or it used to. on the 19th, i was reading my diary and den suddenly saw wat i wrote on 20.07 a few years ago. then quickly checked the date.. lucky the date haven pass.. i think i will feel weird if the date actually passed by me without me 'seeing' it.. den i think about the significance of the date abt 4 years ago. and rmb how i used to look back on this date every year just to remind myself of some memories. it dawned on me how 4 years have passed. but yet i feel like abit weird that 4 years has actually passed. the possibilities and dreams that were said 4 years ago nv came true today. of course, i am happy now too. but humans are just like that, u always wonder the what ifs.. my stomach isnt feeling too well yet.. haiz means gotta stay away from my desired food for awhile. i wanna eat mos burger leh! sad.. but i dn feel hungry most of the time. and i keep feeling nauseous.. maybe shd drink alot alot of water.. hmm.. i am kinda sad i din get the elective i want! i got duno mayb 4th or 5th choice lor.. it was health, science and society i thk.. sounds v cheem cuz i nv study wat radiology? diseases? biology related stuff before.. and i so scare if i take alone, i will 1) be v lazy n dont wan go lec cuz no1 i noe there, 2) die cuz i will not understand anyting and have no1 to help me. haha.. i also got drama la.. but shuhui din get, so it wil be quite sian to go for an elective by urself.. zzZz.. anyway i acknowledged both le, but prob will drop the science one during add/drop.. unless any1 u are taking, pls let me noe.. anyway that module screws up my most free thurs also.. and i m too scared to try to cope with 7 subjects even tho 2 of them wld be exam-free.. but that mite be worse cuz it means during term time i got to do more work to replace the exam mah..hai.. i juz cant believe tis! next week i probably have to slog for FOC le.. abit scared things may go wrong.. abit sad i cant play with the freshies instead.. abit sad i cant watch all the games.. SP nite, etc.. cuz programmers always have to go next place to prep before hand. sigh.. haha.. the atmosphere of seeing the freshies play games shd be more fun.. haiz.. no more holidays.. and my holidays has to end with me falling sick and nv recovering.. damn.. haha.. at least another good date is coming up hehe.. thanks elin.. really quite shocked u hand-made a gift.. haha.. very 'you xin'.. hehe.. too free at home do presents for everyone. jas bdae stil so far! haha.. don worry i wont go ask xh they all.. i like to be surprised.. heh.. going to watch pirates of the carribean today!! tt day din watch cuz all full le.. baby finally ended his sergent course heh and can get leave.. and get higher pay *winkz* haha.. jk.. yeah.. go bath le.. Signing off, no more ink. 0 wore their hearts on their sleeves Wednesday, July 19, 2006 11:46 AM
why am i always falling sick?? dunno whatever i ate on monday nite - either q bread or sweettalk - it caused my downfall yesterday. i felt abit nauseous going home after Sentosa on monday but thought nth of it and went to bed. then at 1 plus and 6 plus, i woke up to go toilet. i had stomach runs!! wahh den i ate this vvvv hot chinese medicine. its so hot i feel like i was drinking cooking oil or the feng you lor.. and it made my stomach feel v warm i tot i had a fever again. crap, i had to cancel yest's activities which i had so looked forward to!! damn sad.. the ikea trip and also had to fix another date to meet edwin to discuss the programs. sian.. wanted to go ikea for so long! anyway today i feel much better le. yesterday, my hp was on silent mode so i missed 9 calls and a blank sms from baby. woah it scared me cuz hes nv the type to give so many missed calls. it turned out that he wanted to look for me, cuz he noe i was unwell, so he was v scared i had fainted or wat.. when i called him back it was almost 1 hr plus from the missed calls le. turned out he waited 45 mins for me to pick up his calls. but when i called him back, i was super shocked n scared cuz he told me he was in hosp cuz he had an accident.. and wat broken leg and all.. i was really v shocked and was thking to rush down to hosp.. so afraid it was v serious.. turned out it was a lie.. cuz he was angry w me for missing his calls.. i admit its my fault cuz i asked him to msg me aft he gt home. but forgot abt my hp.. so if sth had really happened to him, i wld really have missed his calls. but then i was also so angry w him for resorting to tis kinda lie to get back at me that i hung up on him. aft tt i called back cuz i was still afraid that he was lying.. meaning that he was really in an accident.. so i wanted to confirm.. luckily he was nt.. sigh.. it was so dramatic.. nv play such a trick anymore okay.. always rmb wat i told u that nite that whenever u drive home aft sending me back, i always fear tt it wld be the last time i'll c u.. so that joke really hit on my nerves cuz o this fear.. but anyway, cuz o yest, i learn to treasure u more.. cuz i really felt v frightened thking that sth had happened to u.. was reading my old diaries just now.. here and der.. felt like i was reading someone's else life/love stories.. or from a story book.. din feel like those tings really happened to me.. having a diary is good.. cuz it reawakens memories u have forgotten.. or dont even rmb they had happened haha.. some of them are nice recalls lah.. others, i cringed upon reading.. haha.. but somethings even tho i always deny or dont admit them, but upon reading my own writings from the diary, i guessed even i myself have to admit i did had feelings for some pple..albeit v mild ones.. if not some things wouldnt have happened, and somethings i wldnt have written them that way.. its kinda strange though that ur words are more truthful than ur thoughts. ur hands write down things that will reflect more than ur mouth will ever admit. i dont want school to reopen!! Signing off, no more ink. 0 wore their hearts on their sleeves Monday, July 17, 2006 3:17 PM
ridiculously bored. u're invited to my wedding. its pretty soon. 3 mths after i gradute. oh no, i gotta start planning soon! -_- The Wedding Date Predictor (http://web.tickle.com/tests/standard/marriage.jsp?test=marriage) YOU ARE CLOSE to finding "the one!" We have carefully calculated your responses according to our scientific formula and harmonized the results to the Venutian lunar calendar. But don't get your hopes up to hear those wedding bells soon, because your bridesmaid days aren't over just yet. YOU WILL BE MARRIED BY: Tuesday, September 29, 2009 second time i did the test it changed to Saturday, June 5, 2010. not entirely conforming to my current plans. haha. why did i do the test the 2nd time? cuz stupid blogger erased my entry. and i just finished a whole packet of hershey's kissables candy coated mini kisses for lunch! so choco-tee~ gotta go sentosa to check out dragon trail tonite. sian. hope i dont get freaked out myself or lose my balance. i feel like sleeping now lor. zzZzz... Signing off, no more ink. 0 wore their hearts on their sleeves 2:18 PM
ridiculously bored II Is He Marriage Material? (http://web.tickle.com/tests/standard/marriage_mat_women.jsp?test=marriage_mat_women) you're a Marriage Material High! YES! You've hit the love jackpot! Not only have you found someone you're absolutely compatible with, but it looks like he feels the same way. We can tell that your guy is committed, attentive, and definitely good to you. From the way he handles himself to the way he handles you, he's definitely marriage material. So if you're spending a little more time checking out engagement rings at jewelry stores lately or have found yourself getting an almost uncontrollable urge to flip through wedding magazines, don't let it scare you. It's completely normal. Admit it, you've already started planning, right? Chances are this guy is everything you've been looking for — don't let him slip away! yah, be prepared to come to my wedding with a gift already. hah! Signing off, no more ink. 0 wore their hearts on their sleeves 1:13 PM
NOT thinking straight. i remember saying this a few weeks ago - that i have not cried for sometime and sometimes i wish there was something to cry about cuz it feels nice to just have tears rolling down ur cheeks uncontrollably instead of tolerating and bearing all pain and sadness inside you. but that time i forgot that precisely because the reason people cry is due to sadness and unhappiness, when u cry u wont even be thinking how nice it feels. rather all u feel is sadness and uncontrollable wishing that u werent feeling this way. i know because over the past 1 week, i have cried twice. and it wasnt the best feeling in the world. i hate it most when it happens cuz of a fight or argument. cuz i dunno isit cuz of anger or isit cuz of sadness. probably more of anger, cuz u start to wonder desperately how to make the other person understand your point o view, and how to stop this whole damn argument. yesterday it was cuz o something he said. it hurt, and then something weird happened. i kissed him and then tears started flowing out uncontrollably, really like non stop. and yet i refuse to stop kissing him. maybe it was the kiss that initiated the tears, or maybe it was that i was trying to stifle the tears and ban them from coming out by distracting myself. which however worked the opposite way cuz the more i kissed him, the more tears came out. till he was feeling so weird he stopped me, cuz he said it was wrong as i was feeling sad but doing that which doesnt tally. quite true. i dunno why i am so sensitive these days. i'm sorry baby if u thought i doubted u. but as i said, sometimes i feel v insecure n unconfident of myself. i'm sorry i hurt you with my words or actions too, but trust me i nv meant to reject you. lets just stay tog happily arite? and not worry too much about the future. and the next time i doubt ur love for me, just kiss me on my forehead, and i'll know for sure your answer. :) it will be nice if there's a tiara on top of my head.. haha.. :P the weekend was great. great food, great company. lots of things are fixed now, and really seem to be getting better for me. i know where to go, and i know what to do. somethings have been hidden within me for long enuff. its time to clean out the closet. i'm going to enjoy the rest of my holidays, try to go the places i want to go and eat the food i wanna eat. i am moving back to hall next week, and i m quite looking forward to finally getting my room. if theres any comfort that school is reopening, it is that at least i have friends in hall to tide me over. when sch reopens, i guess its back to MacDonalds for me haha. but now i am trying hard to find new places to go to study. places whr we can park there per entry and not worry about parking attendants. heh. never knew parking at Jurong pt was so exorbitant! worse than orchard road. its only sururban and so ulu and it dares to charge so high. gross. looking forward to dyeing my hair, and going to ikea tml!! 0 wore their hearts on their sleeves Wednesday, July 12, 2006 1:59 PM
on the way to recovery. I am feeling so much better today. Still got the ailments but not feeling so weak anymore. And I am so happy and excited this morning because I found LOVE GENERATION jdrama on YouTube!! Woah!! Its one of my most loved japanese dramas!! I have always been trying to look for the VCDs but sadly because of the korean wave now, the shops no longer stock much jdramas especially the older ones like love generation [LG] and love revolution [LR] (Wic i managed to buy at only S$3 in the end at some VCDs clearance sale a few yrs ago!!). haiz so sad. if only i had alot of money, i will buy it online lor. But they selling it in US$ its so ex.. and its totally going to be a painful buy. i regret not buying it wayy back in 1999 or what.. haiz.. oh man.. haha Reminds me of those secondary days when I was so mad abt Takuya Kimura and Takako Matsu i printed out their photos and use as my clear folder "wallpaper" lor. and leemei bought me the glass apple paperweight last yr for my bday present. now u guys shd noe i m not the type who loves to receive ornaments for gifts cuz last time i had so many i din noe where to put them. but that glass apple was so symbolical in the show. haha only those who watched the drama will get its link. it always appear at the bottom corner of the show also when the show ends or go commercial.. hehe.. so i was really surprised with leemei's gift. its like a keepsake for that drama i love. and i was so crazy i vandalized my table in secondary. cuz takuya's character in the show is called "哲平" (zhe ping) so i wrote sth like i want my zhe ping [teppei in Jap] !! (in chinese) so i told all o my frens that next time when i get older, i m going to find my zhe ping haha.. wic means like my "Mr Right" like that lah.. it was such a naive but cute thinking.. heh.. i guessed i have found.. :) anyway, i just watched a few videos of 9mins each on YouTube.. its very memorable.. i cant really decide whether i love LG better or LR better.. cuz hmm.. LG is abit slow sometimes.. while LR the love story is so excited and the guy always appear nonchalent.. v cool and sexy. haha. i guess takuya kimura is cuter in a boy boy way lah.. but the other guy.. his name is Fujiki Naohito.. he is probably more handsome in a man way.. hah! i finally can decide.. anyway both shows i watched many times le.. sot de me. my sister always say "i tot u watch tis b4 le?" whenever she see me watch LR.. haha.. i love all of their songs also.. hehe.. i thk overall, maybe i like LR more ba.. or maybe its cuz i have the vcd n thus watched it much more than LG.. overtime, long vacation, and under the same roof ("ai zai wu yan xia" with noriko sakai, takako matsu and tis v handsome actor Fukuyama Masaharu see the pic below.. its the 2nd guy.. hmm he looks abit like wu yan zu here hor..) are some of my other favourites.. under the same roof is super long ago.. thk 1997.. anyway noriko sakai used to be super pretty.. and a singer too ... my bro n i adored her alot.. haha.. she is still pretty lah.. but all these jap actors i m talking abt i guess belong to the 1990s era le.. nowadays those jap stars i m nt interested in.. too bad i dunno whr to get all the vcds of these shows from.. so sad. it will be v nice to rewatch them.. v nice.. overtime was my very 1st jdrama caught from chn8.. haha.. it started all these..    here are some pictures of LR ... on the left. its when they first met.. and Fujiki's character is a playboy sort.. he's a journalist so wanna get news scoop so he went up to esumi's character who is a doc in the drama and kissed her.. the right picture.. is a scene that makes me super sad in the drama.. cuz of his expression.. wat happened was tt the girl wanted to save their relationship but the guy din wan her to leave her job (she gt promoted) to go with him to washington so decided to go on his own.. the girl kissed him.. but he got such a reaction (cold and no reaction lah.. not that he's unfeeling.. altho it made my heart twist in pain while watching.. haha) so it was damn sad.. some pictures of LG too.. below is the glass apple i am talking abt..    oh i just found out piano sonata op.13 "Pathetique" is really from LR!! no wonder so familar.. love this piece.. (not better than canon in D of cuz..) its by beethovan u noe.. heh.. too bad i have absolutely no idea abt playing the piano.. anyway, tanya chua has a new long "beautiful love" i think.. its a very nice song!! i like her voice.. so husky.. with some sort of slang.. but her chinese songs are better nowadays.. her chinese improved le ba.. aha.. hey i m starting to feel hungry! thats a gd sign.. oh and i just found out!! mk! u are so honoured.. u have the same bday as takuya kimura.. hahaha.. isnt the wallpaper below so lovely? yeah.. kimura is the posterboy.. guess thats where fujiki naohito lose out? cuz if u are a boy, u cant be a man.. if u are a man, u cant be a boy.. i mean technically a boy is a man, and a man is a boy.. but i mean if u have boyish looks and if u look very man, both are good in their own ways lah.. a real catch is a guy with both?? i dunno how one can look both boy yet man lah.. haha maybe look boyish but behave like a man lor.. thats vvvv fancy for me.. a man shd act like a man.. and do things like carry his girl.. baby now u noe why i always act like i cant get out of bed myself.. :P  alrite enuff o my japanese craze.. hahaha.. its all cuz of these jdramas that i watched when i was young thats why my wish was to go japan and marry a very handsome japanese man when i grew up. cuz it seems as if all jap men were v shuai haha.. till i grew up then i discovered the truth was that japanese were v pervertic.. haha.. sometimes i thk its so funny when i thk back of my childhood wish.. duh -_- Signing off, no more ink. 0 wore their hearts on their sleeves Tuesday, July 11, 2006 2:29 PM
minimal energy. seriously, being sick suckssss... i seem to be in perpertual comatose state. argghhh and i wasted my previous last sat sleeping!! cldnt go anywhere.. and he was stuck w me too.. but at least he was there for me.. cuz i din noe i had a fever of 39+ degrees celsius.. almost brain dead la.. so i went to his hse and slept while he use a cloth and super cold water to cool my face and body.. wahh it was so cold yet warm.. but v sweet like out of those ou xiang ju.. haha.. my wish to be taken care of when i'm sick has at least been fulfilled.. then on sunday, my mother forced me to c doctor.. until den, or shd i say whenever i m sick, the phrase 'go c doc' doesnt appear on my mind one till i m almost dying. haha. this time really v jialat.. until all my appetite is gone, i haven felt hungry since friday? haiz.. even one o my fav fruits durian smell pungent to me yesterday!! wah.. so sad.. and my mouth onli got bitter medicine taste.. until i bth go eat potato chips hahha.. oops.. well, yi du gong du ma.. eat abit only la.. now everyting taste so bland.. even i thk o my fav food also dn feel like eating.. and somehow the med cause me to go toilet one! sigh~ nvm! i will b back!! and eat all o my fav food and drinks.. feel so depressed wanna do alot o tings one lei as tis week is the 1st week i stopped working but damnit i fell sick.. so no energy.. today abit better.. but the medicine for runny nose cause drowsiness ma.. so its like have to eat 3 times a day.. i eat le have to sleep, wake up eat have to sleep.. efficiency v low.. somemore duno why the hell for the past 2 nites i have been hafing trouble slping!! keep waking and tossing ard.. and v sensitive to noise.. even my hp vibrate i also wake.. so nw i gotta put it away fr me when i slp.. haiz. so drowsy but cant slp.. weird! and v gross and scary lei.. i weigh like feathers now la.. lost 3 kg from tis sickness!! shitified.. i look normal la.. but its scary to c the numbers on the scale.. after recover must eat to put them back.. if nt like so anorexic.. :( on another note.. the past 2 dates were v interesting i noticed.. sunday was 9th.. it was a mth exactly from 9th June when i passed my driving test hehe.. and yesterday was the 10th.. a mth exactly from me turning 20. and then i look at calendar wow foc is just like 2 weeks + away! shittified suddenly.. i cannot imagine myself having to give instructions infront of all 80 freshies man.. faints.. 80 strangers.. n worse i scared things screw up.. weather etc.. so scary.. its coming! all tt we have done for the past yr. hmm.. tis thurs meeting clash w the outing w a04 girls.. hmm. try 2 go for both ba.. i gt tings to update lei.. excited abt the outing.. hope i will recover by tml man.. n hope all 6 o us will b able to make it.. has been eons since all o us can meet up.. with so little time left b4 sch n foc starts, i doubt i have time to do sometings i wana do, nor say sometings i wanna say.. shitified.. haha.. whr did tt word come fr i dunno man.. there are still so many tings i wanna do, eat, places i wanna go.. haiz.. someone extend the holidays pls.. i m reluctant to face new lecturers, schoolmates, projects, deadlines, etc.. and i must dunno how lar.. but find someway to save $$ le.. so when sch starts, i m gg to be on a real budget so i can go for my cruise at the end o the yr.. all cuz to get that colorful driving lic i've gt in my wallet.. my bank acc is now vv broke.. oh and 2 more weeks i can move back into hall le.. abit excited.. keep thking abt it.. yet abit scared.. not scared la i guess.. maybe errr.. nt used? cuz stay home for so long le.. i also dunno.. shrugs.. Signing off, no more ink. 0 wore their hearts on their sleeves Friday, July 07, 2006 4:48 PM
Flowers make me :) That day went to airport celebrate xiaohui's & leemei's bdae.. we went to the flowers shop tt jasmine was working at.. haven seen her for so long.. haha.. she wrapped a lot of pretty flowers lor.. the one stalk bouquets were v pathetic lah.. mite as well not wrap but hold it in between ur lips like leemei suggested.. so manly or sexy, she said. Hahah.. and gt this bouquet of pink roses can go qiu hun one.. cuz its really wrapped till very sweet and lovely.. haha. If anyone proposes to me without flowers I will reject.. of cuz that's not to say if anyone proposes with flowers I will surely say yes lah. I love receiving flowers.. hehe.. esp red roses.. call me old-fashioned but I still think they are the most romantic flowers.. I just cant bear to throw away the bouquets at home.. they have so much meaning.. but i am still waiting for a bouquet of beautiful flowers this year.. hor baby hor? :P I heard b4 that there is no such thing as Mr/Miss Right, but the person most meant for you is the person you choose to accept as he/she is, and try all means to work out things. which in one word means commitment rite? cuz no matter wat probs surface u love him/her enuff to try to overcome them tog.. I really agree with this. but of cuz lah tho there are no certain Mr/Ms Rights, there are certainly Mr/Ms No-no.. haha.. like those that you know you will nv love cuz of their character or personality clash etc?? i dunno how to say lei, but some ppl u just know u wont fall in love with them.. for eg, for me, no play boys.. nor rude vulgar guys.. Just today me and Rachel had a conversation, its about men who try to give excuses when it comes to love. I hate such people. They will say things like "wait for me until after I complete my studies, after I ORD, after this after that.." etc.. they think relationships and feelings can be put on hold.. I mean in life there are always impt things and obstacles such as studies, work, etc, at every point of life, there may be things like o levels, after o levels, got a levels, then NS, then uni.. u cant say "wait arh.. i will treat u better next time.. i will do this and that after (insert some activity) is finished" cuz after that activity is over, there will be other tings tt pop up in life maybe unexpectedly ma.. like tt mite as well u become monk can le.. haiyo.. last day of work le today! yeah l00king forward to next week to go out and rest also.. hehe.. i need more rest lor. when i clear my throat its damn painful like got knives stab my neck.. haiz.. my voice has changed beyond recognition haha.. and i cant even seem to get my voice out sometimes.. looking forward to buying shower curtains at ikea!! and decorating out new room #06-1184! go buy 4D when we move in. heh. Signing off, no more ink. 0 wore their hearts on their sleeves Thursday, July 06, 2006 11:57 AM
Officially sick The MRT was crazy today. All so packed. Could only get on the 3rd train. And still had to ying ying squeeze one lor until I had tis tiny space to stand without anything to grab to support. I had this urge to scream at the people to move inside the train so we can squeeze into the train without the door kiaping us. My first time to the gym outside of PE lessons yesterday was abit crazy. So tiring and my stamina so poor. Haha. But was quite fun. Treadmill was the most boring lah. Cant stone. The cycle thing was best. Cycle until I feel like my legs were jelly. Only then did I start to perspire. Still prefer swimming to gym. Anyway calories get burn so slowly.. but nvm, I am not aiming to lose weight actually. According to the machine they have there, I'm actually underweight with BMI of 17.1. And my body fat is 19% (desirable range - 17-27%) which translates into 8.2 kg out of my 43.2 kg frame. dunno accurate anot. Look at me. Do I look underweight? Nah. Underweight people shouldnt have tummies like mine. Underweight people should look like how I look when I suck in all the air and my face looks like bones. Apparently I dont look like that - my mirror says so every morning. Haha. I am dying to go home. I felt so drowsy and sleepy just now my eyes closed for awhile. But I am so afraid my boss will think I am faking. So I am tahan-ing. And I am so sad I cant go for the bbq cum FOC meeting le. Was looking forward to a bbq for so long. Sian. Anyway tml shd be the last day of work. Guess I will b jobless le. Yest went for tis interview for some 4 days event helper job and the guy said I looked v stern when I don't smile (yes I m used to such comments - argghh but why!?? I try v hard to smile le leh.. its not my fault I was born like tt.. who wldnt wan to have a sweet and friendly face?!! Tell me lah.. wont u guys thk I m sot if I smile everywhere I go? Now I worry lor.. next time cuz of my face I probably wont get any jobs haha..) and seemed v nervous cuz I keep shaking my legs and scratching my fingernails (but I wasnt feeling so, rather I was v bored). Oh he said I seemed like the quiet sort. Haha. Every comment he said I was trying to suppress my laughter. Oh so wrong about me. I just dont warm up to strangers easily and reveal my true colors at a interview (wic is supposed to be serious rite?) I think I should be able to survive a few more hrs at work. I need to!! Jiayou!! Next week I swear I am going to treat myself better by sleeping more. Oh I had tis weird dream abt foc again. It was during fright nite at some multi storey carpark?? Then I went toilet to shit. While shitting halfway haha I heard some noises, then got wind flew past me. I turned ard and on another toilet bowl was this black cat. Huge. Then guess wat? Tis cat was actually caddie! In a black cat suit. Den we realized it was each other. Somemore she can fly or jump v high. Den I was like huh? Why u do tis? Scare me when I am zi ji ren. It was so funny seeing her like a black cat. (caddie don't freak out! Haha) then the toilet suddenly bcome open-concept, got no doors. Then became unisex. Then got a lot of men came in. wah I so paiseh with my pants halfway down. Hahaha.. stupid.. then after that me and I think mingkeat were assigned to become ghosts also to grab peoples leg when they walked past. (so we were supposed to hide underneath cars??!) weird dream haah.. dunno why secretary and photographer become programmers instead? 0 wore their hearts on their sleeves Wednesday, July 05, 2006 2:16 PM
a look into the far future and the not-so-distant future I want to ... name my children ethan and faith I want to... drive a Hyundai car I want to... get London the golden retriever I want to... live in Bishan or Yio Chu Kang or someplace more sururban I want to... live in a condo so I can go swimming whenever I like I want to... travel ard the world and go to these countries: Australia, Japan, France (PARIS!!), Korea, England, Spain, Hongkong, USA, New Zealand.. best if I can become an air stewardless lah. Den free travel man.. haha. I want to... see snow falling on my face I want to... warm up infront of a real chimney fire I want to... see Mt fuji infront of me and the Eiffel Tower and go Disneyland and the blue-green beaches of Australia (for the above, I need and thus want to earn big bucks, or find a rich man. Hahaha) I want to... write/research for a magazine I want to... collect many sunglasses, watches, perfumes, shoes and ermm lingerie.. haha.. a woman cant have too much of these.. hmm actually that is quite a lot tho.. I want to... be always youthful looking I want to... go on a cruise this year end I want to... go summer school in HK I want to... think of someway to celebrate being 21st next year (I know, this year is not even over and I m thinking abt next Aug oready haha – but shit 21 sounds so old can.. I will be eligible for all types of movies le.. no more anticipation!) I want to... sleep a lot a lot I think I am falling sick. My throat is very dry and itchy. Keep having to clear my throat. But I only had 2 pieces of durian today. Damn. Fast effect. :( Hmm.. had a dream. And felt as if I slpt for so long morning and light wld nv come. Woke at 3am to shut down my computer wic I left on to charge my ipod.. the details of pre-midnite seemed v hazy. Anw, the dream.. I saw a lot of my frens.. there was someone who kept disappearing in my dream these days.. hmmm.. kinda similar to dreams i had of andy last time.. whr i noe tt person is in d dream but he doesnt appear at all.. or is v distant.. maybe of wat happened these days ba.. also gt other frens suddenly appear like eddie! Haha.. he is one of those ppl whom I thk will disappear permanently fr my life.. those u just lose contact and no1 else really has their contacts either. Hmm.. kinda weird but who noes.. the next time I see him mite be like 20 yrs later.. always wonder wat will happen to each of ur frens.. and the lives they will lead.. when u all are in sec tog, all of u seem to be v common n will have common, similar futures. But as I get older, I realize how untrue, not to add naive, that is. Many of my friends have already taken paths that we din even predicted nor discussed or planned for way back then. Each of us has a diff path to take, and these paths dont seem like they will cross anymore. Kinda sad. This leads to me wondering whether I should be truthful abt my feelings anot. I cannot imagine what will happen and I cant imagine also how am I going to find the courage and words to tell some people some things that have been on my mind since last sem.. I sorta promised myself that in this holidays I will say it out, but now I find that its still not easy to get them out. Nowadays I just find myself shutting up or keeping silent when I am supposed to talk, cuz it seems like I always get cut off. As if wat I have to say is nth interesting. Must be retribution cuz I interrupt baby often too. Haha. :P but theres a difference between cutting off some1 cuz u dont wan listen and cuz u are too excited abt wat u wan to say. The latter is not intentional nor malicious. I get carried away sometimes. Maybe that person does also. I dunno. But that person had the most patience to listen to me in d past. Nowadays our conversations seem so hurried like theres no time for me. what do i do? i just shut up. i more or less find myself shutting up and keeping things to myself more le. i used to confide my problems with ease, now i always hesitate and thk it wont make a diff to say them out. so I shut up. Quite a lot of shut up in one paragraph.. i keep thinking will the truth really spill out on its own one of these days? when i cannot convince myself anymore? the urge to be honest is so strong.. but the consequences are unimaginable.. it feels awful to hide things. i wish i cld erase things. i guess its true that its dangerous when one gets drunk. haha.. but for me, it shd be when i get sleepy.. i start to blab nonsense.. maybe its time for me to let go and forgive and forget. Haha. I better clear up all the mess b4 school reopens. Hmm 3 more weeks b4 FOC. Fast. abit unwilling yet excited. Signing off, no more ink. 0 wore their hearts on their sleeves Tuesday, July 04, 2006 2:16 PM
a memorable yesterday. I think my right side of neck or shoulder is injured. Maybe my bed is really nt good or my sleeping posture is bad. When I tilt my head to the right, i feel some pain. haiz. and dunno why today i feel so sian. its like nothing motivates me. i just have this want to "zi bi" feeling.. like not go anywhere to socialize but just go home and sleep and do nth.. haha. but cannot cuz later going to celebrate leemei's & xiaohui's bday at d airport. hmm all the bdaes are making me broke. i just got my pay. and i think alot of it has gone to food. haha. yesterday was one of the happiest day of my life; or so i felt. had a tanning cum swimming session at sentosa. it was so sunny yet so windy.. i nv ever experienced so much wind in Singapore! cool~ then baby v funny.. he bcame commentator.. cuz there was tis couple in the sea behaving strangely.. like couple, yet not couple.. maybe the guy trying to chase her or wat la. then they keep going to pick up all the seaweed in the sea.. den baby keep making vvv funny comments and say out loud wat he thot the conversation bw them mite be like. eg: boy: eh see tis seaweed i found? huge and long rite? girl: (flips hair n not interested look) boy: aiyo, how arh she not interested. nvm let me show her i can swim. (swims) girl: (plays with the seaweed) chey, he think he's the only 1 can swim meh? boy: hmm.. nvm let me puff my arms and show her MY big muscles! (walks out of waters and put arms on hips) haha i was laughing till wanted to roll ard lor.. then we lied down and sun tanned and read magazines and books.. and went swimming in the sea for awhile.. they had tis man made island just across from us.. but i was too scared to swim over der. i panic whenever i feel my leg no longer feel any sand.. lucky gt once it happen and b4 i panic and drown, i told myself 'tread water.. u just know how.' but instead i duck my head underneath and swam back to shore instead. haha. so salty the sea.. until my throat hurts lor.. and after bathing i realized my shoulders peeling le.wah damn fast! i gt put sunblock leh! then we went to bugis and i had tis nice nap in the car during the journey haha.. i treated him to the japanese restaurant i always wanted to bring him to. cuz students gt 30% lor.. total bill somemore, and the place is v empty.. so felt v nice and serene for a change. v yummy.. hehe.. wanna go again. then we walked ard.. at tis place called 'kai' (like caddie's chi name) there is tis v nice tube dress.. i went to try.. it fitted nicely at the top.. but the bottom was too figure hugging.. i thk that type that u haf to wear g-string or nth?!! so it wasnt wat i was looking for.. haha.. i want to be able to walk in it u noe? haha.. but it was quite special.. he wanted to get his xmen tshirt but it was gone.. and was so sad.. poor baby.. haha not fated la.. next time if u get to work at tt shop, u must give me discount so i can buy betty boop for wenxin! hahaha.. then we went to esplanade and i was vvv sad at first cuz the merlion seemed to have disappeared! yuan lai they cornered it up and put a big sign "Sorry i am taking a shower!" duh.. so they were cleaning the merlion! scare me lor.. if ever its gone i will feel so sad.. gt so many memories der..its a special place to me.. heh.. i always end up crying when i go der.. haha. yest almost la.. was telling him all the updates abt some of my frens and ended up feeling sad. i asked him if he tot i was v weird for having so over-whelming emotions.. and he said he din thk so. haha.. v funny was as we were abt to leave, there was tis couple who came. and they kissed passionately nonstop.. wah.. we were watching free show lor. haha. den baby started commenting again say they shd go hotel fullerton just over der.. and say we shd shout "worrr kiss kiss" and quickly run away. haha. or dat we shd compete w them see who can kiss longer.. -_- haha.. after a while they stopped.. and then drink water!!!??! wah kiss until thristy.. powerful.. and then they continued.. haha.. on d way to get the car, we passed the jackpot room in the club. then he suggested gg to play cuz i nv play b4. den i said ok just for fun lor.. haha i felt so suku cuz i din noe i was winning while he keep saying wah u v lucky leh.. haha.. in d end we won abt $4 from just $1 capital.. actually was $5.. but then we gt chased out cuz he wasnt wearing collar shirt.. and we lost $1.. must be bad karma. haha. or cuz i said that ok den tonite dn nid go home le.. sit here win $$ can le. haha.. it was so interesting.. then i was telling him wah.. i play 5 mins.. is equal to someone's 1 hr of mac pay lor. ahaa..nt bad its like $$ drop fr the sky.. hmm so thats wat happened yesterday. but it was a vvv sweet and memorable day.. i nv felt so happy for sometime le.. i will rate 11 stars out of 10. haha.. but i wanna go back to see the merlion again aft it finishes its shower. oh and we took alot of photos also at sentosa.. he says my photos sometimes look like joanne peh.. i was like huh?? how can tt be?? she's so pretty.. her smile so dazzling lor.. haha.. but den the sentosa photos look quite nice cuz my hair looked like it was styled to one side cuz of the wind blowing.. then add my frangipani flower clip i look like i was posing for some beach photo shoot la.. haha.. and we took photos with chip & dale..was v cute,each of us holding on to the one we are. i am dale he is chip.. haha.. but photos are w him.. heh.. wanna develop them soon too.. next week i wanna MIA le.. i dunno how yet leh.. prob disappear fr MSN and ignore all smses haha. but dunno possible anot. i feel so tired. some things feel awkward and changed. i wanna be alone. Signing off, no more ink. 0 wore their hearts on their sleeves Sunday, July 02, 2006 10:15 PM
life and relationships life is so complicated sometimes. human relationships are so troublesone. words are so hard to say out. instincts and impulses so quick and raw. feelings so hard to define and control. boundaries and lines difficult to draw and keep to. not wanting to hurt others yet not wanting to keep things hidden. even when things are so clear words so honest and crisp truth so blatant in the face and one ought to be wiser somehow sometimes one still choose to walk the path of hurt and pain why not travel the path less travelled maybe things would hurt less after a while it may be just a matter of getting used to it forcing things may cause things to bend out of shape then good things may dissolve and be difficult or impossible to recapture life is unfair sometimes one just dont get to choose what or who nothing one can do abt it these misery and tricky situations one has to face in life awful awful. but this is the way it is. Signing off, no more ink. 0 wore their hearts on their sleeves Saturday, July 01, 2006 11:22 PM
today. the post was originally yesterday and today. but damn blogger.. dunno what happened then half of my entry was gone. i too lazy to retype. so will just type today's again.. haiz but still feel pissed.. today: woke up and went to church.. had communion service and feet washing too for 1st time.. it was significant and memorable experience so i kept the tiny cup to mark the event. went to orchard and watch "she's the man". damn nice. soundtrack v nice too but nt yet out. the guy was quite cute and hot.. and the girl's acting nt bad lor.. really look abit like guy.. hehe.. the last part was v sweet where the guy lifted the girl up at the field.. its sweet in d sense both share the same interests.. and its like they connect like tt.. the movie portray love as v magical, sudden.. the guy fell in love w her just cuz of a kiss.. and din realize she was the 'he' roomie he always slp with.. haha.. it was funny hw the girl had to control her feelings for him while she was drooling over him.. haha.. i like the movie alot.. hehe.. tho its kua zhang cuz such tings wont happen in reality.. but its just v entertaining and relaxing.. den we also went to look frm my dress. fcuk/french connection had tis one v nice, but its too ex. and too long for me also. (why m i so short!?) haha. took some photos. guess the dress ting have to take it naturally.. since there dn seem to be anyting nice in singapore.. so sad girls dn wear dresses nowadays.. i find it so girly and sweet. heh.. wait till i find tt one dress for me. i dn mean like those prom dress.. but sth tt i can wear out to shop or walk ard.. eh den i ended up buying lingerie and it came free with tis reversible and v comfy like silk kinda top.. so nice i wanna wear it to slp.. heh. its fr pierre cardin.. then we went to sasa and there was tis burberry perfume so nice and sweet. he said it smelled like me haha so i said they shd let me be their spokesperson lor.. den somemore the perfume is meant for pple like ...   haha sounds just like me.. :P actually i also dunno isit tis one la.. but all of them shd smell nice?? since it smell like me.. hahah.. the men one also v interesting.. nonchalent and sexy.. hmm.. sounds v yummy.. oops.. hahaha.. i mean v man.. and i found out they sell the Eclat D'Arpege Lavin perfume too.. tink its french.. sounds v cool the name rite? have no idea hw its pronounced though.. haha.. was just telling him i just finished using the free sample today.. but nv heard before.. must be some ulu brand.. den we saw it haha.. and we went past burberry shop too.. i told him i wanna have all their products one day.. the bag was so nice.. but actually tis liking for the brand started when i was young.. my bro had tis nice burberry shirt, i like it alot.. its so classic.. their clothes are v nice also.. burberry everyting.. and the new print ad for burberry is so nice.. its v old-feeling i like all the polaroids shots black n white.. i wanna steal the poster can.. haha.. i gt A4 size one ripped from magazine.. next sem wil be in my room.. hehe.  hmm today my outfit was v special haa.. it was this black tube top with this ehh tie-ard beach kinda dye skirt la.. it was the outfit i wore in our very 1st neoprint shot. hehe. and i gt him to wear the shirt he wore on our v first real date after we got tog, wic was the one at esplanade for our sch's choir n band performance. hmm.. the day was mainly really very enjoyable.. except for a bit of a mood spoiler ting tt happened cuz of both of us thking differently abt sth i guess quite trival.. but managed to resolve it with a hug in the end. affection works wonders. its time to sleep.. if not later become panda again.. yeah monday no nid work.. going sentosa!! guess aft next week i will have to try to look for a job ba.. if not den let myself rest for 3 weeks lor.. cant belive its july already! 2006 has passed so fast!! woott... scary.. holidays feel like its gg to end already.. Signing off, no more ink. 0 wore their hearts on their sleeves |
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