~songs in my head~
没有地球太阳还是会绕.But I don’t care what they say. I’m in love with you. I just wanna fall and lose myself Laughing so hard it hurts like hell Forget about everything and run away, yeah ~ MOTTO ~ :: if you have tried your best, there's no need for regrets. :: ~ THOUGHTS ~ By ourselves we are too weak to hold our own even for a moment. "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God" (Romans 8:28) For what it's worth, it was worth all the while. "God has given, God has taken, blessed be the name of God" (Job 1:21) "I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out – plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” (Jeremiah 29:11) Hit Counters |
:: juz taking a moment to remember ::
Thursday, January 31, 2008 12:06 PM
back to square one    the way i feel now; that this is it??? after so long apart, second chances seem disappointingly smaller, they are almost going to be non-existent soon. i better wake up. but i feel like i am stuck again, feeling the same way as i did then, just imagining if my sundays are going to be that way at the office again, just gives me shudders down my spine. i really hope not. but does it mean that i have to change my tactic from now on, was i really just sweeping things under the carpet? but facing it head on, is not just my choice. i dont think i even have an option now.   getting drunk and beating the sense out of me sounds like a good idea now.    some drinks that are seriously weird. who drinks kimchi? and mum's milk.. and salad water??? (is it just the water used to rinse the salad?) Signing off, no more ink. Labels: why must we label everything? 0 wore their hearts on their sleeves Wednesday, January 30, 2008 5:15 PM
i can only say, devastation is the word. the only one word to summarise my feelings. and all i am asking is WHY, WHY, WHY, why why why why why Signing off, no more ink. 0 wore their hearts on their sleeves 10:56 AM
just some thoughts happened to read some of the old emails, and two sentences particularly strike me. sentences that were said to me before, and now it seems like its more suitable for me to say. (in the context of discussing about the possibility that one day, it may end..) - after all the love dat you've shown to me, you're very cruel to jus take it away liddat.. (after 7 common yet impt traits were listed out..) - so we may be more alike than you think.. somehow i wished i could be the one convincing you about the 2nd point now.especially after the dream i had last night... things seem to be haunting me.. second chance, these two words rang in my dream and now in my ears.. it was a mere dream that wont come true, not even close. i think, its just so hard to find someone that feels the way you feel about him/her, find love together, get together and to stay together.. things just change beyond our expectations and imaginations, dont they? and we are being stretched beyond our limit each time.. maybe thats life. Signing off, no more ink. Labels: growing up, if love wasnt so atrocious I would have stayed blind 0 wore their hearts on their sleeves Tuesday, January 29, 2008 10:37 PM
i mustnt, i really mustnt. but try as i might, i am only human.. i cannot deny it still means alot and i still care.. and that i am thinking more than i really should again, and i know i will prob drop everything at the slightest tinge of possibility. but maybe this useless thinking will only last till i am too tired once again.. like a cycle. found many new songs recently, from some person's blog.. nice songs.. and somehow i can relate to them.. Goodbye to you- Michelle Branch Of all the things I've believed in I just want to get it over with Tears form behind my eyes But I do not cry Counting the days that pass me by I've been searching deep down in my soul Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old Feels like I'm starting all over again The last three years were just pretend And I said, Goodbye to you Goodbye to everything I thought I knew You were the one I loved The one thing that I tried to hold on to I still get lost in your eyes And it seems that I can't live a day without you Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away To a place where I am blinded by the light But it's not right And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time I want what's yours and I want what's mineI want you But I'm not giving in this time Goodbye to you Goodbye to everything I thought I knew You were the one I loved The one thing that I tried to hold on to And when the stars fall I will lie awake You're my shooting star Empty - Click (this is such a nice song) Tried to take a picture Of love Didn't think I'd miss her That much I wanna fill this new frame But it's Empty Tried to write a letter In ink It's been getting better I think I've got a piece of paper But it's Empty It's Empty Maybe we're trying Trying too hard Maybe we're torn apart Maybe the timing Is beating our hearts We're Empty And I even wonder If we Should be getting under These sheets We could lie in this bed But it's Empty It's Empty Maybe we're trying Trying too hard Maybe we're torn apart Maybe the timing Is beating our hearts We're Empty If you feel lost, i too am nowhere; i too don't know where the road is going. are we gonna cross each others' path or just completely turn around? it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time... still figuring out a way while the days are passing like nothing has ever happened, like nobody came into my life and left footprints, like things were just like a mere dream, imagery conjured by me alone, and not shared... the day when everything is really over, will there be that day? could one really just forget everything, can i? based on my character i doubt so. if so, then when will be the day i will find someone that will feel the same way i feel for him again? fate brings two people together, but why do they tear them apart? someday, we'll know... Signing off, no more ink. Labels: growing up, if love wasnt so atrocious I would have stayed blind 0 wore their hearts on their sleeves 9:45 PM
this song is super nice, and the singer is very pretty, and the dress she is wearing is gorgeous! haha.. Labels: youtube 0 wore their hearts on their sleeves Thursday, January 24, 2008 12:40 AM
seeing beyond the surface there's alot of sadness around. unhappy things that happened to my friends and i realise if they dont say, i wont know. and no one else would, as well because sometimes humans are very capable at hiding their sadness deep inside where they hope no one can see or sense then when they are alone they try to deal with it and its such a heavy burden today is a super busy day at work not sure if i am actually really learning new things not sure if this is really what i would want to do in future only 1 more year left in school but i'm still so un-adult-like maybe it just takes more time to get a feel of everything but at least i know i feel quite happy to be at DBA with eunice i am really tired, feel very drained physically everyday mentally i just try to block everything out cannot feel too much so that time will pass without my realization when one day we meet again down the road what would we say, what would we say to each other? you could look me in the eyes and i would try to believe your gaze perhaps you wont even have eyes for me and i would not even care now i know its time to separate the truth from memories pry the tin open we will see what we ought to keep and time will reveal what we have to leave and when one day we meet again down the road we would, we would smile and wave goodbye we would, wont we? ps: shuenyun, i washed the towel u left in my hall. :D its clean waiting for ur return! Signing off, no more ink. Labels: growing up 0 wore their hearts on their sleeves Sunday, January 20, 2008 8:35 PM
Nice song by rihanna - Hate That I Love You Labels: youtube 0 wore their hearts on their sleeves Saturday, January 19, 2008 2:18 PM
looking back things went from good to bad to worse to finally, an end, which still kills me now i really must try to pick myself up again Signing off, no more ink. Labels: why must we label everything? 0 wore their hearts on their sleeves 2:41 AM
a still night somehow, i feel like i am struggling again especially now and today even if everyone ard me is noisy i can be quiet and my mind starts to wander off and i switch off the surroundings yet at other times people think i am drunk because i behave too madly extreme ends of behavior and mood, spurred by struggles against futile hopes and wishes i wonder why, i wonder how (eh its also the lyrics from Lemon Tree) i feel like i am back on the high end of the rollercoaster, and its the anticipation of the great fall downwards that is making me afraid the boundaries that are grey and undefined the questions i would like answered the answers i do not have the emotional maturity is weakening i am struggling, once again deep down i am still weak and i still wish for some miracle but that is kind of different from hoping right? i can see, feel and hear myself morphing into another person and my friends can, too siting said i said the most cynical sentence ever today i said something like "love is just an illusion. if two people can make each other believe that they love each other alot, then they will stay tog" i guess i really have become so afraid, so jaded, so fearful and a non-believer. everything is just normal to me, no extreme happiness. and i am fearful of dejection and sadness things have changed but i think sometimes i confuse my feelings with the truth (also lyrics from high school musical song.. Now my heart is empty, I'm only left with used-to-be's...) and i make believe in my head that things will be the way they used to be avril lavigne's when you're gone. its such a powerful song: When you're gone The pieces of my heart are missing you When you're gone The face I came to know is missing too When you're gone The words I need to hear to always get me through the day And make it ok I miss you We were made for each other Out here forever I know we were Yeah, yeah And all I ever wanted was for you to know Everything I do I give my heart and soul I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me the following song is quite meaningful too: 我知道逃避一点都没有用 只是这段时间里 尤其在夜里 还是会想起 难忘的事情 我想我的思念是一种病 久久不能痊愈 too emotional. its 3:11 am and i ought to get to sleep. i am falling sick again. Signing off, no more ink. Labels: growing up, if love wasnt so atrocious I would have stayed blind 0 wore their hearts on their sleeves Monday, January 14, 2008 11:47 PM
shuenyun.. i dedicate this song to you. the lyrics are very meaningful. :) its a superb song, i wish i had ktv with u n en before u left :( pls send me the breeks photos soon wanna see all of us HEE Labels: youtube 0 wore their hearts on their sleeves 9:51 PM
14 days into 2008 hmm at first i typed quite alot le, but i think those are too private and sad, so i put them in another blog.. they are not happy stuff anyway.. thinking of changing to a new blog at livejournal actually.. but i like mintyvintage. and sometimes i think i am too busy catching up with the lives of others that i neglect to catch up with myself. somehow i have been so busy that i am only updating now that its already the 3rd week of 2008 dont know busy with what also. hmm, so far, 2008 hasnt been very great, i got some stunning news on ny eve not really the way i wanted 2008 to start. but oh well. the rest of days so far, good and bad. lets just talk abt good. i m happy at DBA..the people there are very nice, my office is cool + open concept, we play music all day loudly, ranging from jazz to black eyed peas to bjork to pussycat dolls. and u can change the music if u dont like. they have a mac just to play songs. my supervisor is also very nice and is not the "i wont listen to u cuz u are just an intern" kind. wonderful people. we got a huge flat, widescreen tv recently too in the meeting room. i think i will learn quite abit and if i really take on such a job scope in future, i hope that i can get to travel too (cuz my supervisor also gets to travel to meet clients.) although i would say the job scope is not really 100% related to mass comm per se, but it really depends on the company that u are in, since u can have it in advertising also. DBA is a branding company, which i can tell 10 people i am interning at a branding company and they will (all ten) go "huh?" haha. i m used to that, but its still rather ermm pek chek to explain cuz after explain they will still go "huh?" haha... but its not that surprising cuz i myself haven really heard of a branding co before. its not advertising at all. but i am really glad that i came into DBA instead of our neighbour company which i applied for and was sad i didnt get in (cuz they made kenneth chia n the rest move books and dont know do what other rubbish anyway my company does branding strategy for companies (did u just go "huh?"), meaning they will design logos, packaging, uniforms, create positioning, define colors, photography styles etc for the brands. so for eg maybe NTU wants to rebrand itself. instead of being nanyang technological university, it can hire us to change its name to maybe nanyang international university, and then we can change the logo, blah blah the whole brand image of NTU or NIU. haha. i think this eg is good enough to explain. as for my job scope, its project management and account servicing (or to put it in layman's terms, dealing with client and acting as middle man between client and our creative team). so far i did timeplans, budget (alot of numbers for maths idiot like me) and proposals.. not bad i think time at work passes quite fast. not to mention the coffee machine makes yummy coffee, i drink 2 cups each day. but can still sleep like pig at night. i want a coffee machine nx time too, but i guess my dream kitchen wont come true anymore. anyway, i hope to spend a good 6 mths here. and hopefully i can leave for korea this holidays. things are not firm, but i think what will happen will happen lah. dont dare hope too much also. 2007 has been not so good overall, and looking back, i have come a long way. alot of regrets within the past 2 years. sometimes i wish i could have a chance to restart these 2 years, and i would have done alot of things differently. maybe then i wouldnt be in the state i am today. i realise i no longer know what is being happy, and how it feels. when people ask me if i m happy or unhappy mood, i just say normal. and thats how i feel everyday. neither happy nor unhappy. just like numb and normal. happiness seem so exclusive, so long forgotten. bliss, even more far away. but at least my days are passing. my friends are however very busy with school. so i will have to keep myself entertained haha. i think come 2008 (okay its already here), i have changed alot, in terms of mindset, and beliefs. i'm very much apathetic, care-less, skeptical, jaded and still a pessimistic person. but maybe i have also become stronger. and i still hope at the end of this year, it wont be anything like last year or 2006. it will be happier. in 2007 n 2006, i had really good memories but also bad ones. good and bad comes in a package. maybe this year i wont have esp good ones le, just dont give me esp bad ones can le. come april this year, maybe i will be esp sad. its been something i have always look forward to, but now it is abit meaningless already. the significance of a special date is lost when only one person commemorates it. oh well. maybe, just maybe, things will have a chance to work out again. sometimes i still get foolish thoughts and imagine how that would be like, to get a chance to restart things.. haha i'm really silly. i saw this online today. "God has given, God has taken, blessed be the name of God" (Job 1:21) yes, so true, God often takes something away from us, but also gives us abundance in other areas, however, we only thank him for good stuff, and forget to thank him for things He took away, cuz we blame him. guess its human nature. thats why we are humans and God is God. ps: i'm very off online shopping now, something new ar! haha. i shd find new interests... maybe i shd aim to be a career woman! whee. (at least no books and projects for now haha! jiayou my friends!) such a long post.. but i still feel i have stuff to say. go sleep le.. gd nite. shuen i miss u... pls take care in canada! :) Signing off, no more ink. Labels: growing up, i have atrocious friends 0 wore their hearts on their sleeves |
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