a moment to remember

~songs in my head~

没有地球太阳还是会绕.

But I don’t care what they say. I’m in love with you.

I just wanna fall and lose myself Laughing so hard it hurts like hell Forget about everything and run away, yeah

~ MOTTO ~
:: if you have tried your best, there's no need for regrets. ::

~ THOUGHTS ~
By ourselves we are too weak to hold our own even for a moment.

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God" (Romans 8:28)

For what it's worth, it was worth all the while.

"God has given, God has taken, blessed be the name of God" (Job 1:21)

"I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out – plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

Hit Counters

:: juz taking a moment to remember ::

Friday, March 30, 2007 2:57 AM

soooooooo busy

i guess i have never felt this way
too busy to blog
now i sacrifice my sleep time to blog
and i also feel amazed i didnt feel sleepy for the past few days.
too scared to sleep
damn workload

i am irritated with my sickness. refuses to go away.
i feel nauseous everynite, puke but all saliva.
kyon ask me "are u pregnant?" (and a few other people) and then "why you never borrow (condoms) from me?" -__-
haha. now we all know kyon's secret.

everything's alright now. am really glad. can feel the burden lift and my spirits up again. its almost like just a nightmare. if i treat it as one, maybe i wont remember it. maybe the friendship is strengthed.

just finished filming. and i almost had a heart attack just now, and my morale just sank when alicia told me we need to write a 40-50 page script. i was SPEECHLESS. a numb feeling of fear. and i think the deadline is the week before exam. just 1 week to study for exams, i already feel its not enough. but now, i just feel paralysed with fear. still have website, video editing and 20 page marketing report. others are studying for exams, i am still doing/starting assignments. when i study for exams, it will be the 1st time i am reading through my notes and textbooks. great.

i made a decision. and i believe that decision is not a hasty one. and of cuz i hope i wont regret because it took alot of courage for me to step out of my comfort zone and realise that i should take a critical look at my future, the next 2 years and practicality. in the end, i chose practicality, but not because i gave up on my passion. but my passion cannot be shaped by JP either, its not the direction i want to head for. so PPC it is. i feel a teeny weeny sad to give up JP, just cuz i like some modules, but i think, i really dont wanna be a journalist.

tomorrow, i am escaping to a little haven while doing my marketing report. hope all goes well. (meaning i can finish my work)

last but not least, HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY, dearest oioi! :) i miss u lots.. rmb we used to go to conrad hotel on ur bday..those were the days...u take care k?

Signing off,
no more ink.

Labels: The more we study the more we discover our ignorance. but ignorance is bliss so we should study more.

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Monday, March 26, 2007 6:49 PM

random

Happy 21st Birthday to Constance! I hope it will be a wonderful day for you, if you ever see this.

i've fallen like deep into a pile of shit. but i guess i will stand up once again, just give me some time. it's really hard not to let things affect me, when they mean so much.

but do i have the energy to deal with them, when i have a video, a website, and a 20 page report to hand in? and a cough that never stops.

how i wish for more time.

i'm sorry its been so trying. who am i apologizing to? maybe i shouldnt have let these things go up my head. who am i saying this to?

i try very hard, but i just cant seem to. i need a haven, away from all the mess and work. this friday.. i hope it will be a temporary haven.

thanks to all who have been here for me, whether it be a listening ear, a punching bag, a hug, tissue or pi pa gao, through sickness and rolleremo rides.

Signing off,
no more ink.

Labels: birthdays, why must we label everything?

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Wednesday, March 21, 2007 3:58 AM

yay!!

they're selling the dress liao!! :) i grumble then they sell. haha.. hope it will be really nice!

at least now i feel better about my bad day and stupid marketing presentation.

-addicted-

Signing off,
no more ink.

Labels: whoever invented fashion committed an atrocious crime

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Tuesday, March 20, 2007 11:41 AM

all the theatre stuff

i want to go and watch this play 251 [RA(18)] starring Cynthia Lee who's playing Annabel Chong.

"Reckless rebel or radical pioneer? Porn princess or media maverick? Annabel Chong burst into history in 1994 in a world-record sex marathon with 251 men. The first porn star to emerge from Singapore, she became one of the most internationally recognised Singaporean icons, a controversial public figure and the focus of feverish media attention. Haunted by memories of home, history and her religious upbringing, she struggled to reinvent herself as Grace Quek, digital diva and matrix mistress.

Join us on this racy journey through private boudoirs, sleazy studios, raunchy strip clubs, porn parties and the constantly evolving world of cyberspace."

always wondered why she did that.. its interesting why people do the things they do. decisions. choices. all of us have, at one point or another, made certain choices that we question why or have been questioned by others, haven't we?

if i have time and money, i want to watch Exquisite Pain too.

"A man and a woman tell stories of heart-break, each story accompanied by a single iconic image. A red telephone on a hotel bed. A subway station. The view from a window. A green Mercedes.

The woman recounts the story of the end of an affair; each time remembering it differently, finding new ways to both remember and forget what happened. The man tells stories from many different people; each a snapshot of sorrow that takes its place in a growing catalogue of suffering, break-ups, humiliations, deaths, bad dentistry and love letters that never arrive.

In this intimate performance, Forced Entertainment explores how language, memory and forgetting move to contain, preserve or erase events; how people come to terms with trauma. Based on a project by French conceptual artist Sophie Calle, Exquisite Pain is about love, loss, and the stories we tell ourselves when things have gone wrong."

i find this interesting because i believe men and women are instinctively different, in the way they deal with love, breakups and stuff. in a sense, i feel women hang on to more memories, more details, they recall every little thing, they never totally forget, but men... i dont think they recall about the past so much, and maybe in a very neutral way. but i suppose that depends on how important a person means to you. but meanings fade over time too. and i believe meaning fades more so for men than women.

i guess i am going to apply for intersem. got korean. i am very happy. hope i get it.

subcomm appreciation night was quite fun. but think what was more meaningful was seeing the seniors put their stuff into the time capsule and sorta saying goodbye.. i hope i can stay all 4 years in hall and get to say goodbye too. it's kinda sad for me to see them go.. some of them are my ogls, some of them are people i got to know in hall thru events.. and i think i will always remember one senior - sally!! haha. cuz she was my senior attached and the one who was very caring and insisted i go back to room to bath in the midst of initiation cuz i was shivering like mad. i wonder what will be the feeling like, as over the years, you see more and more of your friends leaving. if my friends leave, i will probably leave too as hall is meaningless without friends, esp your batch of friends.

10 more days for me to make the big decision.

lastly, a very very happy 21st birthday to you, dearest shuwan the froggie rib beep turned princess for today. haha. :)

Note: Text in quotations from esplanade website.

Signing off,
no more ink.

Labels: birthdays, why must we label everything?

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Monday, March 19, 2007 5:30 PM

i love ma la huo guo!

It was a nice friday last week. Ma la huo guo was cheap and good. i wanna go there again, and again. maybe it especially attracts me because i love spicy stuff, and there's alot of enoki mushrooms there (i just kept grabbing) and this fishcake that has a piggy face printed on it.. and rl and mk called it Naruto. i have no idea why. but i didnt eat it. its cute looking though. hmm and the seafood soup is very tasty (sweet + salty) but i still prefer the ma la soup which seems too hot for the rest. i ate until i was very very very full and had to go to take a long walk because the smell of food made me feel nauseous. and shujing made rl a carnivore by making him eat up all the chicken, beef, and mutton, and babi.. haha. after that, we went to breko for coffee, cakes and icecream. the cheesecake was 30% and very nice. but lose to secret recipe haha. food looks not bad, maybe i'll visit again. now then i realise that the alleys opposite bugis junction got many good food! if only we got more chances to go out! last friday was thanks to sw's bday! hehe.

and then on saturday, i had japanese food at Waraku again, this time at the katong branch! waha.. its really very nice. alot of customers were japanese. which further reinforce my belief that the restaurant is good and authentic that even japanese people go there. i dont see japanese visiting sakae or suki sushi leh. only the teenagers, cuz its cheap and 'good'. (i used to think suki was pretty good but now i think i only visit cuz the buffet offers free flow of sashimi. the rest are too oily to finish.) hope got chance to bring my friends to waraku! but maybe during lunch cuz its cheaper, got value set meals.

i like this dress alot. but i cant find it anywhere on wetseal.com.. sian.. maybe its just to attract people's attention haha. i want to migrate to USA. they sell lovely stuff.

Signing off,
no more ink.

Labels: food, whoever invented fashion committed an atrocious crime

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Thursday, March 15, 2007 10:20 PM

God, give me a sign, please

everyone has problems. their own problems. its difficult to literally help sometimes. people can say "i'll be there for you" but yet at certain moments, you just feel alone. it may not be that your friends dont show you concern, because its also dependent on whether you let your worry/sadness show, and whether you open up to them or not.

many times, i have been guilty of thinking "where are my friends when I need them?" too. but thinking back, it was me who didnt open my mouth. i admit its hard sometimes when the problems trouble you so much you think you will feel worse if you told someone. or you are scared to hear advice that you dont want to hear.

i am very troubled by the division selection thing. not only do i have to consider what i have to study for the next two years, but what i want to be in future. i know i dont want to be a reporter, journalist kinda stuck in office kind. but yet journalism is the one that pops up 1st in my mind. i dont know, maybe i think too narrow mindedly? i thought of going PPC, but i dont know if PR is just a smart part of it. I like campaigns, i like public communication, a job on the run with excitments. i know journalists face very interesting stuff too, but i am not as keen on such formal writing like on public affairs or science & tech. maybe partly i dont see the glamor being a reporter. i want something more glamorous, more high-paying, more satisfying, more fashionable? argghhh...

God, would you please advise me? I am going crazy with these pondering...

looking forward to ma la huo guo tomorrow. and i'm happy that things are finally settled for a good friend. Good friend looking more chirpy. hope this is really the best solution. but even i felt sad for sometime.. guess i learnt to see the pt of view of the cruelness of a particular sentence, one that can just change everything all of a sudden. a cut-off.. now i know to treasure what i have even more.

Signing off,
no more ink.

Labels: The more we study the more we discover our ignorance. but ignorance is bliss so we should study more.

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Tuesday, March 13, 2007 2:04 PM

dreams and growing up

Dreamt it was Chinese new year or something. Was in Malaysia, and my mum wanted to get me to stay longer but I told her I had a lot of projects etc. then she started saying the usual stuff what so many projects etc.. then I saw my grandmother.. talking to other relatives. She was busy and I didn’t get to talk to her.. but in the dream I didn’t go think that she shouldn’t be there cuz she has passed away.. also dreamt of jx and zw again.. hmm something to do with jx winning some award lah.. then we were all happy, etc.. it was much longer in the dream lah.. but describing it out changes the feeling.. haha.. it reminds me of the times of puppy love..

Anyway the thing is, I woke up and jumped out of bed cuz it was late already.. I opened the door and guess who is the person I first see. We said good morning as usual.. but it wasn’t until I went into the toilet thinking hmm I miss my grandmother.. that it dawned upon me that I always thought the cleaning auntie resembles my grandmother. Woah!! Kinda spooky but in a nice way lah.. is there such a coincidence? Maybe God sent her to work here so that I can see her often, someone looking or feeling like my grandmother.. she really gives me the grandmother feeling..

- i typed this in the morning before i left for class. usually i wouldnt post my dreams here but i dont know.. this dream feels nice to share.. haha..

and i was pleasantly surprised that my classmates and the tutor seem to like my script today. i know the ending totally sucks, but then considering that i only had time to do it yesterday, and then slpt at 3 am, tried to wake at 6, woke up at 6 and reset my alarm to 6.20, and finally jumping out of bed at 7.30.. and then finishing up the script in 227 class because i decided against not going to class, i think i am pretty happy about it. i wrote about my family. a situation between me, my sister and brother in a imaginary future. i am always keen to explore how siblings' relationships change and develop as they grow. i see most siblings drift apart.. its sad and somehow i think it will be that way too for me and my siblings. i incorporated some truth into the characters.. like how i am quick-tempered and will scold customers, and how i hate people putting words into my mouth and conflicts between me and my sister..

i think i dont feel right if i dont write. no pun intended, but maybe thats why i started a blog. anyway, this drama module is never-ending. we were paired today and got to write another 6-12 pages about body parts. instructions getting more and more vague. but i suppose thats the good part about such a creative thinking class, you are not restricted by boundaries. ch** by*, f**k, na be* and whatever vulgarities or mahjong terms also can come out. and its really amazing today when i finally realise the difference between theatre and film.. it seems very obvious, but mainly because i usually watch stuff for entertainment only so i never think too much. writing for film and theatre are very different, and we are so used to movies (must have plot, must have story) that we forget that theatre is a very different artform in itself. the appeal of it lies in the fact that movie relies on actions (what happens next, what's the climax, starting, middle, ending) vs theatre which allows so much more 'breathing' and 3D dimensions of characters. its so much easier to feel for theatre characters than movie characters...

and today's scripts made me realise that its really true; life has many unresolved issues, life is not obvious.. so sometimes why do we keep pushing for things to be resolved? its not so easy, and maybe we shouldnt try too hard.. just accept it and what comes along..

also, being paired with a 4th year student who doesnt look like she is that old, makes me think about my age too. i dont feel 21. i dont look 21 either. i think i feel.. maybe 18? not very different from JC i think. but i think of the number 21, it seems and feels old to me. so am i old anot? is age just a number?

and i really start to question myself abt having children.. some incidents happening that make me feel this way. if you dont think you can cope, think that you will grumble about having to support your children, etc, and want to just walk away.. then children is not a good idea. i always think, parents shdnt blame their children for having to support them.. children didnt ask to be born either.. if they dont want to support, then they shouldnt have given birth. i know, 说得容易，做的难。thats why i am questioning myself.

Signing off,
no more ink.

Labels: dreams, growing up

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Monday, March 12, 2007 8:21 PM

the power of music and words

i feel that music has a very powerful effect on us.
one song may mean different things to different people.
for example, hao xin fen shou may sound like a very sad song to others, but not for me because i associate with singing it at the ktv with csbs and hence it generates a happy feeling.

yesterday, on the way to work, i was listening to ipod.. then many songs that had special meaning for me came up one after another. each song made me think of different people. and i can never think of those songs in another way, neither can i associate other people with them anymore. its like when i hear a particular song, that particular person will appear in my head. and then everytime it happens, it will be like walking down memory lane for me, for the duration of that particular song.

it is interesting how you attach one or a few songs to a person, and then when you guys dont hang out together anymore (maybe break up or drift apart), then the song(s) become something 'physical' that gives meaning/life to the relationship again. it makes you smile again or be sad again, depending on what memories surface. sometimes, its the only remnant of whatever was before. and its only when that song plays do you start to recall everything you thought you had forgotten. maybe music just has great powers to elicit memories. phrases/sentences too.

"You may be one person to the world, but to one person, you may be the world."

everytime i see this, i just remember.

its nice sometimes. to just remember for awhile. (because while you live let your thoughts be with the living or in some cases, let your thoughts be with those who are around you now)

"Better by far you should forget and smile. Than that you should remember and be sad."
- Christina Rossetti (one of the meaningful verse from the countless poems i memorized for Lit)

Saw these two touching poems online..

If I should go tomorrow
It would never be goodbye,
For I have left my heart with you,
So don't you ever cry.
The love that's deep within me,
Shall reach you from the stars,
You'll feel it from the heavens,
And it will heal the scars.
Anonymous

He is Gone
You can shed tears that he is gone,
Or you can smile because he lived,
You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see him
Or you can be full of the love that you shared,
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember him and only that he is gone
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on,
You can cry and close your mind be empty and turn your back,
Or you can do what he would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
Anonymous

Signing off,
no more ink.

Labels: if love wasnt so atrocious I would have stayed blind

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Friday, March 09, 2007 3:43 AM

food for thought again

to what extent does/should religion plays a part in deciding a relationship?

i know it sounds very GP right. but it's cuz wenxin asked the following qns:
"if two people really like each other, then why will religion matter so much?"

Dont know why but that qns disturbs me alot.

because i thought that religion (whatever religion it is) usually governs a person's life, provide meaning to that person's life, and therefore meanings of many things and people are assigned based on your religious beliefs. which means that the decision whether to be in a certain relationship or not also should somehow has to do with your religion.

then i think about it myself. whether i would be able to accept it. like wx stated, i did not consider religion as that important back then. but now, somehow i think things are different ba. maybe cuz last time much younger dont always see the relationship as something long-term.. its a sensitive thing ba but then it doesnt feels good when for eg, you believe in going to Heaven after death, and then your husband is not the same as you.. then you will think 'in life, even we are husband and wife.. but its damn sad we cannot be so after death". but this is all based on your different religions ma. so thats what i mean when i said meaning is given by religion. if you know you are not going the same place after death, and you believe that life is a transient stage, then you would just think "then what for?" compared to the person who doesnt think this way..

i dont know if i still make sense. i am very sleepy. good night.

Signing off,
no more ink.

Labels: if love wasnt so atrocious I would have stayed blind

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Wednesday, March 07, 2007 10:51 PM

又是那一句。。。

我现在很想爆炸
愤怒！
people need to realise that 逃避不是办法，反而是很懦夫的行为。
you cannot just say quit when everyone is working as hard.
每个人都累，都没时间。。
但为何不能好好商量？
而动不动就出stunt。。
我们不是欠你的。。
its very frustrating.
so many bloody people relations to handle.
可是，没有办法。
只好要看别人的脸色。
can i say i am a liability too?
damnit...
过了昨天，今天的我真的感到 disillusioned。。
希望接下来的日子，大家可以多加努力，多加谅解和包含彼此。

now switch back to english...
today's division talk left me feeling very...
a certain fear i suppose..
especially when the profs were talking about things like "are u suited for this industry?", salary of graduates of the different majors, needing to distinguish ourselves from others right from now (or the start) by choosing your electives and prescribed modules carefully so that they enhance your profitability, etc..
it got me thinking.. its just 2 more years before i step out into the working world for good.
even if for watever reasons i go for masters program, its different from being a student-student. at least not a young student anymore.
its scary how this decision could really determine the kind of job or the field i have to work in for the rest of my life..

but i think i have made my choice.. in my heart i know what is my true love..
i love words, i love writing. whether i am a good writer is another story. but like the profs said, make a decision based on what you have an interest in now, since you cannot predict what you will be interested in 5 yrs later anyway. so i guess next time people ask me where am i, i can always reply "i am in jp" regardless whether i am really in Jurong Point anot. haha. in my school, JP stands for journalism and publishing.

i guess all along i have always known i wanted to do that, even before i step into this school, perhaps to a certain degree too when i was in JC, and on hindsight, a few insights during upper secondary when i started knowing i want to study mass communications.. i was unsure because i think PPC (advertising and PR) can help me make more money and is interesting in its own way too. but money vs. passion/love, i will choose the latter. and comparing between JP and PPC, i dont take very long to answer which i think i love more. another reason for my hesitation to confirm JP is because i thought the course might be too.. focused on conventional journalism and writing for newspapers (on public affairs, business, etc).. i am more interested in magazine publishing.. and then i heard them say they have related new courses in magazine, business, science & tech journalism.. so it just became "that's it"..

as for EBM (electronic broadcast media), as i told shuwan, i am more interested in what goes 'infront' of the scene (scripts and stories coming into play on TV, acting etc) than what goes behind. no doubt video/film making is something that really wows me, but i dont like to handle too much technical stuff especially with sound.. and all the HD developments..

CR is the least viable option for me because i cant see myself dealing with statistics. simple as that. but i have to say qualitative or critical research is interesting on its own. and CR graduates are employable in many fields, not just the media industry. many industries need communication research.

hopefully i can somehow combine all my interests together.. but guess it will be hard since theres a limit on the number of modules we can take mah..

i just hope that it will be the right choice for me. i just need to take the interest to a higher level.. no doubt its sad that all of us are going different majors, but i hope our friendship is something beyond the classroom, and will still stay..

Signing off,
no more ink.

Labels: why must we label everything?

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Monday, March 05, 2007 9:31 PM

the one and only photo

i dont know but he looks like he is peeping and then trying to 'bleah' at the camera.. haha.. he become tanned altho this photo doesnt accurately portray it.. dont know why but its a nice dark color for a baby boy. haha. mb he will be the yang guang nan hai type..

Signing off,
no more ink.

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

9:12 PM

a sweet feeling

today, i had a sudden realization.
it was the realization that i will feel more motivated to study if the person who accompanies me to study has to study/do tutorial and assignments too.
i think back to the days when we were studying together for A' levels..
they brought back good memories..
i dont even rmb the hard work studying..
i just rmb the atmosphere, the music we were listening to, the company i had..
at that moment, i could visualize us studying again..
visualize myself being more motivated to study because misery loves company..
and i think it will be a more enjoyable process than to study alone..

then, we went to psychology together because he had some time to kill.. and i had no friends to go with.. i dont know how to describe the feeling, but it just feel very sweet to walk around in school together, to share lunch together at can B, to drive to school together, even though he is not officially a student yet. it was nice to sit beside him in lecture, and he paid more attention than me (cuz i was doing my drama assignment).. i hope we can take a elective together next time.. it is like a dream come true - to have him as my classmate, even if it was just one lesson.

but sometimes, i think i forget this is a school. and my affections will somehow slip out. maybe its because we dont wear uniforms, and there are no teachers around.. it seems like a public place instead.. well, at least i managed to stop myself from shocking my lecture mates.. but sometimes its easy to be oblivious to things and people around you.

yesterday before leaving the house, i had a rather big fight with my sister and mother about 'why-nobody-go-pay-bills?'.. it really pissed me off alot, and i left the house with tears.. i cant stand my sister sometimes.. i swear if she is not my sister, i will never befriend her.. i hate being accused, and i hate people who backstab me when i m keeping ur secrets for you. what an ass. and yet i still feel guilty, for what, only God knows. haiz..

Signing off,
no more ink.

Labels: if love wasnt so atrocious I would have stayed blind

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Sunday, March 04, 2007 2:03 PM

why why why

why has the recess week gone past so quickly? it really has.
why didnt i managed to catch up on all my readings?
why are some readings so bloody long and detailed?
why no meals together?
why no ktv and ma la huo guo, sentosa and orchard road? (actually i know why but well, its too late to lament)
because no time, no effort, no discipline blah blah.
well, at least i caught a movie.
at least there was online shopping.
at least i watched 4 days of wu zun and ella the show.

happy 1 mth to my nephew! he's very cute, but too bad he was slping all the time during his celebration yesterday.. but i felt really strange and a sense of being empowered by time because i recognized my brother's poly friend and she is already a mother of two.. my bro's batch of frens jump on the child-bearing bandwagon v quickly.. and he said another one is in shanghai with three children! only 27, 28 leh.. so i told my sister she can start now.. dont know why but i start to not want children because of certain thoughts these days.. plus you cant trust men enough lah.. haha.. they expect their wives to bear them children, and then be good mothers, yet still want them to remain slim and slender.. i think its hard.. the world's been too influenced by hollywood stars.. people like gwen stefani, kate hudson, etc.. they look like they nv gave birth lor.. sigh, this is an unfair world..

Signing off,
no more ink.

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Saturday, March 03, 2007 11:48 PM

the know-it-all

three days, three secrets.
one after another.
the degree of shock gets bigger,
and the impact of it too.
its good that i usually one ear in, one ear out.
i rmb just tt day, someone told me a gossip.. supposedly was a big gossip
and den i went "wah!" and stunned for a few moments until... i realise i already know it.. -__- i can be rather slow about recalling secrets i know. unless its my own secret lah.

this week, i dealed with many secrets, my own and others.. it feels rather strange to talk about something related to my secret(s) with people who doesnt know the secret(s) but should technically know about them because they are somewhat related to the people involved.

but anyway, although the three secrets are not directly related to me, but i feel rather involved in them. not all the secrets are bad, but the last one really makes me sad and i ponder about the consequences if it ever happens to me.
i think about nature vs nurture.
what really shapes a person's personality and behavior
what really influences the person in his/her daily practices, eating habits, living style etc.
the media is very powerful, especially what we see on tv.
it is one of the reasons why i am attracted to this industry,
yet at the same time i feel scared and detest its influence.
friends are also powerful shaping tools
cut and paste, copy and paste,
you inevitably get influenced by the way they behave, act, feel and think.
group-think, they say.
maybe to fit in.

well, i just hope that there would be a reasonable closure for each of these secrets, esp the last one. i feel sad for the person involved. and i also hope that there is hope in the second one. haha. for personal interest lah.

Signing off,
no more ink.

Labels: why must we label everything?

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Thursday, March 01, 2007 3:28 PM

my addictions & dream jobss

suddenly i am addicted to:

online shopping for presents (so much easier and more prettier stuff)
online window (quite an apt term, since i use windows not mac! haha) shopping
lip glosses (used to hate them)
tops that could double up as dresses
fashion montages on blog templates

and because of all these, i think it will be heavenly if i could be:

a makeup spokesperson (because apparently kelly poon had alot of maybelline makeup thrown at her..)
a model (because they always get to wear the nicest clothes or the strangest clothes but no1 complains they are ugly)
a fashion stylist/shopper (because then i can get to buy all the fashionable stuff before anyone else)
a rich girl so that i could buy the stuff i wan and then sell off those i dont want to other people who are hopelessly addicted like me now
i think still got alot lah..

and in a way, call me siao, but i am happy that there are so many frens' bday tis march, cuz then i get an excuse to online window shop. hah! also, i noticed that it is kinda dangerous at times because it is so much easier to impulse shop online when i am feeling down, or sometimes happy. its like theres always a reason to try to convince myself that i shd buy something. but most of the times i still remain rational lah, i just waste time online window shopping.. lucky i am not such a impulse buyer in real-time shopping..

yesterday was quite an awful day, really felt very sad.. when i woke up today, i wished that everything was a big and long nightmare.. but the memories were so clear in my head.. i wished i didnt recall them.. bcuz i will try to reason again.. but its probably no use trying to understand why, or how. while trying to move forward, i still cant escape from them. its a long term effect thing i think. all the fears and what-ifs.. there are many concerns on my side.. its like as if things can nv be the same anymore.. maybe one day, we would have to give up and then feel like fools for trying to make things work.. i duno.. but well, at least things are okay now. maybe i am expecting it to go away too quickly as wx said.

Signing off,
no more ink.

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

on repeat mode

Leona Lewis Lyrics

mine

abandoned blog I
abandoned blog II

the past