a moment to remember

~songs in my head~

没有地球太阳还是会绕.

But I don’t care what they say. I’m in love with you.

I just wanna fall and lose myself Laughing so hard it hurts like hell Forget about everything and run away, yeah

~ MOTTO ~
:: if you have tried your best, there's no need for regrets. ::

~ THOUGHTS ~
By ourselves we are too weak to hold our own even for a moment.

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God" (Romans 8:28)

For what it's worth, it was worth all the while.

"God has given, God has taken, blessed be the name of God" (Job 1:21)

"I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out – plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

Hit Counters

:: juz taking a moment to remember ::

Sunday, July 29, 2007 5:08 PM

FOC CAMP!!!!!!!

time really flies.
so many things happened one year ago.
and so many things happened this year too.
but this year i am determined to not be miserable during FOC.
so tomorrow is the start of a hectic no-need-sleep 5-day camp
but why am i down with flu!!
sian...

hope that things will go smoothly, esp the weather.. so errantic these days.
btw, harry potter movie was very boring. i fell asleep!
and i am sad that topshop has no more my size for this very pretty dress.
still wanted to buy it for my own bday present *just my excuse lah but whatever :P*
i think i have a fetish for dresses that have collar straps or straps that wrap the neck.. maybe cuz it shows the shoulders nicely ba..
but its damn pretty okay!!

its abt 99% similar to what she's wearing..

oh well, maybe i will find it again in topshop after foc..

just like my pink skinnies..
haha..

anyway, after FOC, the next thing to look forward to will be my birthday..
but at the same time that i am anticipating it, i am also wishing it will not come yet
cuz i only get to be special that day..
the significance of being 21 will only be felt on that day..
haha.. really old le.. i rmb 5 years ago when i was 16, i told myself i must open a chalet on my 21st.. and here i am... ready to turn 21......

hope that things will be good at the bday too....
still deciding if i shd skip school on my birthday..

HAVE FUN AT FOC!!!!
(wish i was freshie.....)

Signing off,
no more ink.

Labels: birthdays, growing up, whoever invented fashion committed an atrocious crime

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Friday, July 27, 2007 3:26 AM

u never know what lies ahead but be prepared

as times pass, i dont know what or how to feel also.
whether its happiness or just numbness, or just kinda like ignoring/escaping the problems we have.

i do have had alot of fun with my friends recently, going to holland v for dinner, settlers cafe and JB today.. and that makes me wonder, is it really true? maybe there is really nothing wrong with us spending less time together and more time with our friends. to a certain extent of course that will make me wonder "then in what way am i different from just a friend?"
but i guess many things i do not have any answers.
i also do not hope the future will bring any answers, or should i say dont dare to hope.
whatever each day brings, if its happy day, then i gladly accept it, and make myself believe that it just needs some time, and i just need time to adjust to this new kind of mindset/change.
with each unhappy day, i tell myself i cant give up, but mostly because i cannot bear to. with all the memories and the understanding of my character (something that is not easy to develop with another person), i just find it hard to really really let go and make any decision, like one of my seniors S in hall.

in a way, i think i realise that love is something not to be taken for granted.
its not easy to find someone that you can like (not just for 3 minutes), and of course even harder that the person likes you back, and more more difficult for 2 people that like each other to stay together for some time.

but yet, i am also feeling jaded and cynical about the nature of relationships.
because i now think that all relationships are very fake, hmm no, the word should be unstable/short-lived. at first the honeymoon period, whereby you will treat each other very well, is really sweet. but after a while, quarrels start, and shouting may begin. and u will both reveal your true colors. and human nature is really ugly, i feel.
once the shouting starts, it will continue ba. especially during heated arguments whereby each other just cannot compromise, especially on beliefs and mindsets. its like the chinese saying 'you yi chi, jiu hui you di er chi'.
sad but true.

so i think, i have lost that kind of faith in love.
now when i look at any guy, when i think 'hey, he has this good point', immediately i also think 'yah, but sooner or later, ugly stuff that i cant stand will show up'...
so its best to remain friends with everyone...
maybe right from secondary school, i should have realise this.

next week is foc le..
i just want to have some fun, and really concentrate on the camp.
done as much as i can...
taking over everyone's role when they are not free/quit..
school is also reopening..
but since i just cut short my hair, maybe my burdens will lift..
we shall see..

cheers to friendship...
i m looking forward to my bday, as i can see many of my friends...

P.S: at least the previous post, in the end, it was kind of positive ending so far.. hope it will continue to be so..
and thank you to those who smsed me or tagged me just to tell me that u will be my listening ear, and that things will cheer up. thanks, i really am touched :)

Signing off,
no more ink.

Labels: i have atrocious friends, if love wasnt so atrocious I would have stayed blind

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Tuesday, July 17, 2007 9:20 PM

JULY the suay month

i dont know why but bad things seem to be happening to me one after another.
i really really hope x 100000 million times that things are not what i am thinking
but i will only know tomorrow
i am really very scared
i dont want to lose anyone anymore
if its true maybe i will not stay in hall le..
i dont know, so many question marks in my mind
upon getting that phone call today i really had no more mood to work
my boss asked me to go back, but i think i would have imagined worse stuff alone at home
so i got leave tml, all of us got leave
sometimes, no news sounds like good news..
or at least not until my bday, which was the original date
but tomorrow, we will know
and may God bless

well at least today i met huiling on the bus. at 1st i din recog her cuz she permed her hair. then after that she was slping so i didnt wake her.. then after she woke, its abt 2 more stops to her house so i miss call her. and all the while i was standing beside the person infront of her. ha.. so we alighted at her hse, and i really feel v happy to c her again.. and we talked for v long at the bus stop abt secondary sch life. 5 yrs ago leh. oh my.. so long. and i hope we will really really be meeting up soon. miss those days with her and ry..

may everything work out ba..
nx week vvvv busy for foc..
maybe i should have quit earlier.. now so many personal problems..
last yr foc time also.. but i hope tis yr everyting will be better by foc.

Signing off,
no more ink.

Labels: growing up

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Sunday, July 15, 2007 6:47 PM

dawn of the light

Suddenly i feel very inspired
i was thinking maybe i have been too self-centered
not just in relationship but also friendships or my whole life
always thinking of what i want first, always letting others down (i'm a bad friend, sorry leemei... i really feel bad abt your bday..)
never thinking hard enough of what they want,
expecting them to give in to my whims and wants
justifying my behavior with excuses maybe
or just plainly acting without thinking
cuz i dont wanna think about my problems/lack of confidence in many aspects
so i vent these frustration elsewhere
my wallet suffers when i am down haha

i feel i really need to get up again
i have let myself become too dependent
wheres the independent me?
stupid me cuz i told myself before u cant depend/trust anyone fully but yourself
how can i stumble into this hole?
rookie mistake! *quote from monica in FRIENDS*

i will try to change
somehow i think it has to do with my long hair
seriously
last last year when i had long hair, my life was terrible and i had those identity crisis too
and then after i cut my hair, i felt much more stronger and cld deal with anything
i think long hair just literally weighs me down
maybe its time to bring out those scissors
cut* chop*

today wx smsed me 'be strong as you have always been'... i rmb this phrase.. she copycat. haha
i will be, eventually. dont worry, at least now u got stories to hear right? *hearts*

Signing off,
no more ink.

Labels: growing up, i have atrocious friends, if love wasnt so atrocious I would have stayed blind

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

3:37 PM

letting go is not easy

There's really such a thing called retribution
The day i always thought will come has come
My role has been swapped
1st time in my life i hear someone asking me for a breakup
1st time in my life i am the one who dont want to
i'm hanging on but for how long more i dont know
i am scared

and i am just doing about everything or not doing alot of things i used to do to keep it going
because i dont know what might cause it to end permanently
is this correct?
or should i really just let go?
but i guess saying is easier than doing
letting go is very difficult
and especially after everything in the past, i learnt that i should not give up easily
but even so, it takes two hands to clap
suddenly it seems we have alot of problems.
so weird cuz i nv ever expected this day to come when they will prove too much to handle
my sister also broke up with her bf recently
my gd frens also
mayb there is really a break up tornado sweeping through singapore
and at the end of it,
everyone still has to deal with it and overcome it themselves
such a lonely road
maybe i will be back to 571 club...

but i am still holding on to that little bundle of hope.

Signing off,
no more ink.

Labels: growing up, if love wasnt so atrocious I would have stayed blind

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Saturday, July 14, 2007 2:56 AM

irony in life

today is friday the 13th
yesterday was 12th. supposed to be a celebration day.
but this week has been living hell.

people change. their priorities change.
time does not make a relationship stronger
it actually only brings out each other's flaws and u start to calculate what each has done
always thinking you did more
i am one big example

call me jaded or whatever
but somehow i lost faith in relationships, boys, and i dont know, myself
i am heading towards i-dont-know-where
but i chose this road
if it doesnt go the way i am (maybe naively) hoping it will
then damn foolish i am

i am caught up in a web of emotions
from sadness to despair to anger to fear to lost to emptiness
like a blank canvass
drawn on
and ripped off the board
again and again
cuz its just not perfect anymore

Signing off,
no more ink.

Labels: if love wasnt so atrocious I would have stayed blind

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

Friday, July 06, 2007 1:43 PM

gone and came back.

2 weeks after the HK trip. i still miss the trip, and keep thinking about hk.
i regret most not buying (or saying yes when baby wanted to buy for me) that black patent heels from nine west.
cuz now i cant find anything like that in SG. :(
i only bought 1 pair of shoes, surprise!!
its like cow prints... haha. -_-

actually HK stuff are pretty ex too, but i did find some good buys like a grey cardigan for $12, and now i wished i can get wx to buy me the black and the white one, so i can have it in all 3 colors.. cuz its v comfy. haha..

my best buy would be my burberry brit perfume! i saved $20!! :) so happy i finally got it.
the best time in HK would probably be the trip to the PEAK.. cuz its very pretty n nice there, and the tram up there was like going against gravity. so scary.. if i didnt hold onto the pole, i will probably fly downwards immediately.

one thing about HK is that they have many more taller buildings (and even more high-rise) ones than in SG. so i dont know why they say SG is very city-like. HK's landscape very interesting, alot of buildings u see them on slopes and they are like so tall and grand.. and yet they are actually very very far away.

i will post pictures if i actually get them and are not too lazy, busy or tired. recently, work has been draining me of all my energy.. and i had to do activation over phone too.. and some australians are really rude and impatient to us. sigh.. the phone ringing just scares the shit out of me, cuz i will be thinking 'pls dont scold me, its not my fault!'

school is actually starting pretty soon, and i am not really looking forward cuz i am scared of the modules nx sem.. or in general, the whole feeling of having to face alot of projects and work plus compete with the multi-talented cs people just puts me off. but yet i am also looking forward to it cuz i will see alot of my sec + jc frens n baby in school.. anyway i didnt do v well for Korean. got B.. disappointing.. :( but whats over is over.

on wednesday, it was fun to celebrate roland's 23rd bday. but i actually thought it was on the 4th.. -_- and i thought the foc meeting on 2nd july was on tuesday. so blur.. the now-swinging bachelors and me, shujing and siting were in rl's room talking about their stories till 5am!! i felt quite sad cuz its like some girls are very bad to them.. n also it seems that relationships are really so fragile..

another news is that i just got mr yip to transfer me n wx to the semi-circle of blk 60.. so now our room is besides shuwan n shu jing. yay.. cuz all the people are allocated rooms that side.. it will be too boring for us to stay there.. but i am already missing the room 06-1184, and my current room 05-1178. -_- i just like 1184 the number leh. and also will miss just walking down to the laundry room + can 16 + bus stop.. next time, all these places will be far!! haha. but nvm lah, semi circle room more spacious ma, more space for my online buys.. haha. jk!

What i bought from the recent Wetseal spree at USD @12.25:

What i will never be able to afford: Christian Louboutins Suede heels

And i want this Lily Cole plastic frame handbag from Accessorize!! who wants to buy it for my bday? :P its almost $100 though! *gasp*
the rainbow one just cheers anyone up.. and the leaves one is very nice too.

these other designs i dont think are available in SG tho. but the bamboo leaves one the strap is very unique!

last but not least, i will be sending out invitations to my birthday chalet on 12th Aug soon.. but here's a pre-invitation invitation. haha.. keep 12th AUG free k for my belated celebration at Aloha Loyang.. :)

Signing off,
no more ink.

Labels: birthdays, The more we study the more we discover our ignorance. but ignorance is bliss so we should study more., whoever invented fashion committed an atrocious crime

0 wore their hearts on their sleeves

on repeat mode

Leona Lewis Lyrics

mine

abandoned blog I
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the past