a moment to remember

~songs in my head~

没有地球太阳还是会绕.

But I don’t care what they say. I’m in love with you.

I just wanna fall and lose myself Laughing so hard it hurts like hell Forget about everything and run away, yeah

~ MOTTO ~
:: if you have tried your best, there's no need for regrets. ::

~ THOUGHTS ~
By ourselves we are too weak to hold our own even for a moment.

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God" (Romans 8:28)

For what it's worth, it was worth all the while.

"God has given, God has taken, blessed be the name of God" (Job 1:21)

"I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out – plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

Hit Counters

:: juz taking a moment to remember ::

Friday, May 01, 2009 12:52 AM

bleeding inside

suddenly, i feel myself maturing... growing up...
all along i thought i am quite matured for my own age le...
as in i am not as sheltered as many girls i know of...
who never had to lift their manicured (or not) fingers to do any rough work
nor have to help at their parents stall every weekend & public holiday, be in rain or shine...
in my 23 years of existence, i always thought myself to be someone who is not a quitter
(maybe cuz i have alot of pride - all Leos do)
i dont like to do something and then quit without giving myself enough chance or time...
of course sometimes i will feel discouraged... vulnerable, weakened..
but i see myself as stronger and tougher than some other girls.. (not physically, but mentally)

but i guess, reality is always harsher
just in my 2nd week of work, my to-be client was v angry with us cuz we didnt follow his instructions and proposed changes without informing him... tho its not really my fault. but still i had to shoulder some blame, cuz i am supposed to take over this account le... and of course some minor things here and there happened, then my manager gave us this thrashing... hes not someone who speaks to you with courtesy, manners nor much EQ. instead, he is pretty much like a loud hailer + ah beng.. that day, i acty cried after that.. in the office then in the toilet.. i was also much emo cuz of PMS (i think so!! grr) and just exhausted from work everyday.. but that cry also felt damn relieving. i guess i am like a dry plant/bush, needed some rain to push and force growth...

it was my 1st time witnessing for myself what it means to be at the mercy of someone with a higher authority than you, using his authority to say not-so-nice things or enforce certain things on you... i am not saying my manager is this bad guy, hes quite nice and caring when in the right mood, but hes can also be a terror if we step on his wrong toes. what i mean is that, working life is indeed so much different from being a student... whereby u just account for yourself.. nv meet deadline of assignment also small matter... cuz its all about you.. but in working life (aka as real world), missing deadlines might mean losing a biz.. or make your clients angry (thankfully that angry client has replied me, after not taking our phone calls for a day)..

i hope that 1 day i dont have to 看别人的脸色。。 if u meet a good boss, i suppose u will find it easier to respect him/her, and have a amicable and good working relationship, and it will allow you to be open towards him/her.. but if your boss is the authoritative type, do you think that you will not secretly harbour thoughts of putting needles onto a voodle doll version of him/her? hahaha... anyway i do enjoy what i am doing now, but it is just the transition process, the changes that are slowly taking place, that is difficult.. i have other dreams, of working in a magazine, having my own (more successful) biz, but all these can wait.. since i am still 'young' (heh), i shall ride the tough waves first for 1-2 years, gain enough experience, see-see look-look the advertising/design industry before i map a longer-term plan for my career.. hopefully when the economy is doing better, i can also be able to command a higher amount of peanut sauce in exchange for my 22 work days each month.

lastly, my job also helps me to treasure even more my relationships.. i treasure each little hour and minute i get to spend with noel.. thanks darling, for all the effort and little things you do (ie. your slapstick antics) to motivate & cheer me...and i am yearning to meetup with wenxin and shuen they all.. but right now, i forsee weekdays are quite impossible... not just becuz too busy and unpredictable, but also cuz even if i end early (ie. 8pm), i am just too shack to do anything else... weekends are much cherished for me now, even tho technically i only have 1 and 1/4 of a weekend as i still help out at my parents' stall on sundays.. thats why for now, i think siting and i both need to seriously reconsider our plans for OGD... whether we have the time & energy to continue with it (successfully), given that she also has a bf, church and other commitments.. so yup, many changes/adaptations that i forsee in the next few months..

be strong, be tough, be motivated, and not be a quitter!
somehow but one thing noel said was true.. he said he also nv saw himself as a teacher, but sometimes we need to be more flexible and not close any options that could help us achieve our dreams.life just manages to overthrow your ideals, dreams and expectations out of the window, and things always dont go according to your plans..

it just gets tougher & busier (imagine having to work on marriage, on kids)... or should i say, life gets more and more bittersweet... you are exhausted, but you feel fulfilled and happy at the same time..

i wish for one day whereby i can be working on something that i enjoy so much that it doesnt feel like a chore/feels dreadful, yet i can earn a reasonable amt of $$!! hahaha....

goodbye or see you,
I'll be your best kept secret or your biggest mistake.

Labels: growing up, if love wasnt so atrocious I would have stayed blind