a moment to remember

~songs in my head~

没有地球太阳还是会绕.

But I don’t care what they say. I’m in love with you.

I just wanna fall and lose myself Laughing so hard it hurts like hell Forget about everything and run away, yeah

~ MOTTO ~
:: if you have tried your best, there's no need for regrets. ::

~ THOUGHTS ~
By ourselves we are too weak to hold our own even for a moment.

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God" (Romans 8:28)

For what it's worth, it was worth all the while.

"God has given, God has taken, blessed be the name of God" (Job 1:21)

"I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out – plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

Hit Counters

:: juz taking a moment to remember ::

Sunday, June 01, 2008 4:44 PM

the breaths that were interlinked

time and again i tend to get those overwhelming feelings that seem to clamp down on me and they are so intense i feel as if i m not breathing.
sometimes the reason is unknown
other times it could be because i heard a particular song on radio
and it just brings me back to the particular memory associated to the song
maybe a song that i put on repeat mode all day long cuz it really described how i felt.
and somehow i m flooded with reminders of how i felt back then
abit sad when i rmb how down i was, yet amazed that so much time has passed.

but now i feel this suffocating feeling of missing my darling
maybe because hes gg reservist nx week
i thought i will feel okay cuz i can always go home or meet my friends
or do the things i want to do
but somehow the week ahead feels bleak without him
at least he is coming to pick me later, so we can be in each others embrace for a teeny while

sometimes i think of the future after i graduate
being an adult in the working world
i anticipate yet i am filled with uncertainty
wondering if i will get to lead the lifestyle i dream of
what kind of obstacles lie ahead
less sleep, less leisure, more responsibilities, more freedom

i am 22 already. i wonder what my parents would say if i say i m getting married in another 1-2 yrs? since parents tend to see their children as always children. will they question my choice, and ask me if i m really ready for marriage, or will they just say okay, go ahead.

how come last time people can get married at 17, or 20 and not feel afraid or weird but now if u hear people getting married at those ages, its usually shotgun, or really weird that they are getting married at such a young age. in ur head, you wonder if they know what they are doing.

no one can decide for me, it will be my choice
and to make a decision to trust your own choice, now that could be tough.
because if you fall, you will blame yourself
but we all know, when things go wrong, we prefer to blame the weather/date/luck than ourselves

anyway i think it is time to go meet him
he didnt contact me after his exams but its been 6 mths since i last saw him and so much has happened since
i think i am ready to just deal with him in a mature way so i shd find some time and arrange a meetup
just for closure of the whole episode
get back my stuff, draw a clean line
i hope there wld be no grudge, just 2 people who want each other to be happy but by being apart and not together
sometimes it still feels slightly unreal, and i wld ask what happened
but then i think about what i have now, and i wouldnt want to give up all these just to go back to then
the me now isnt the me then
i may be more jaded now but i am also wiser and i see clearer and better
i know whats good for me
if not for the bitter i wouldnt have my bliss now
and the bliss happened so fast its like the wind blew past

and that day, dq sms me to tell me abt windstruck on tv
i was really surprised to get his sms
its been so long since he contacted me
i just wonder what is on his mind
thinking back, if it wasnt for his company, my days in late 07/early 08 would have been more lonely.
i just hope hes not that kind of guy; maybe someday we will talk normally again

also, i dreamt of rachel a few weeks back. i really miss her company and laughter, her bubbly character, her cheerfulness and her camera antics. time flies and its already 1.5 yrs since she left sg.. sometimes its really is amazing how time can just pass like that. i still rmb after she went in the departure gate, she called me and spoke to me and i was really very sad cuz shes a great friend. i still rmb those days we studied at her hse at kembagan and we ate green tea icecream from the minimart and her green dino toy which i hid during ocip.. haha.. when will be the next time we see each other? and by then, how would we have changed? would she come for my wedding? would she look and feel different? rachel, i hope u are doing fine! and please come for a visit soon, we all miss you!

goodbye or see you,
I'll be your best kept secret or your biggest mistake.

Labels: growing up, i have atrocious friends, if love wasnt so atrocious I would have stayed blind