a moment to remember

~songs in my head~

没有地球太阳还是会绕.

But I don’t care what they say. I’m in love with you.

I just wanna fall and lose myself Laughing so hard it hurts like hell Forget about everything and run away, yeah

~ MOTTO ~
:: if you have tried your best, there's no need for regrets. ::

~ THOUGHTS ~
By ourselves we are too weak to hold our own even for a moment.

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God" (Romans 8:28)

For what it's worth, it was worth all the while.

"God has given, God has taken, blessed be the name of God" (Job 1:21)

"I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out – plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

Hit Counters

:: juz taking a moment to remember ::

Thursday, March 13, 2008 3:51 PM

one of the earlier posts that i forgot to post

i saw some of his photos on our mutual friend's friendster
at times like that it would feel as if i would be going back at the end of a day and tell you how my day went, and that hey i saw your photos.. blah
but then i will realise no i havent been doing that for a long long time
and then i will start to remember thats cuz we are not tog anymore
and have no obligations to tell each other about our lives

i realise how everything is so familiar, yet will be so foreign and forgetten for the rest of my life nowthe clothes he wore, the way he waxed his hair, the diff stories and imagery associated with these, his eyebrows and how he scolded me for trying to pluck the strays everytime, fascination/obsession with nails, whiteheads and ear shit, haha...

i knew every inch of his face, the way his teeth grew, the way his upper lip is thinner than his lower, but one day, i know, these wld be foreign, and forgotten.. and i would grow to know someone else's face well and ingrain that into my brain..

yet the fact is that everything is still so unchanged yet changed.. maybe i havent meet the changed him since then so my mindset remains fixed with what i know. but surely if i can peep into his life now, i wld see clothes i nv seen on him before, (which happened a few weeks ago when i saw his msn pic), pics he took after we ended, new things or books or comics that i didnt go buy tog with him, hmm what else cld be new...

but its just like how he no longer knows the dresses i bought or sold, will no longer know and applaud the fact that i finally sold the waiter vest that i loved but he hated, and how he no longer knows where i went with my friends, new friends in my life, how my internship went, etc...everything which if things had continued, we would know almost all the details intimately as though they were our own business.. thats usually the case for all couples, lives so intertwined that his prob is urs, and ur happiness shared with him, making any emotion double its intensity...

sometimes its hard to describe how i feel whn i rmb little snippets like thatnot really sad, but yet its not like happy obviously... a little strange n weird.. i guess its more like a sense of nostalgia for sth that was once perfect

a sense of missing the past but knowing firmly that recalling these wont affect me adversely like before..of cuz i feel happier when i dont rmb things like that, but i tell myself maybe this is how healing works.. but its def true that i am remembering less each day, forgetting more, feeling with less intensity, and when i wake up each day, sometimes i wont think of him immed, sometimes i only think of him quite awhile after waking.. not cuz i am still foggy but cuz theres also other things to think abt haha...

and i sometimes wonder when will be the nx time we contact again, and when that happens wat wld be my feelings.. wld i be able to graciously ask him hows him n her, and then not be affected if he says its gd? wld i be able to rmb that i dont need him anymore and its all over so theres no need to be sad? wld i be able to talk to him normally like i wld to a guy friend, or at least not having to feel conscious of everything i say and not try to read too deeply into whatever he means? i certainly hope so.

its all in the past now, its over, and i thank God its over... the future is uncertain for me, but its not impossible. with time i will find someone who i will be v comfortable with, someone whom i can open up to, on the same levels that we shared b4... i am really glad i am thinking more positively now :)

it takes time, maybe alot of time, but one day, all these would just be one of the many memories, just one of them...

time has the power somehow to make the most significant things insignificant, and then those things would no longer have the same hold on you as a long, long time before.

goodbye or see you,
I'll be your best kept secret or your biggest mistake.

Labels: growing up, if love wasnt so atrocious I would have stayed blind