a moment to remember

~songs in my head~

没有地球太阳还是会绕.

But I don’t care what they say. I’m in love with you.

I just wanna fall and lose myself Laughing so hard it hurts like hell Forget about everything and run away, yeah

~ MOTTO ~
:: if you have tried your best, there's no need for regrets. ::

~ THOUGHTS ~
By ourselves we are too weak to hold our own even for a moment.

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God" (Romans 8:28)

For what it's worth, it was worth all the while.

"God has given, God has taken, blessed be the name of God" (Job 1:21)

"I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out – plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

Hit Counters

:: juz taking a moment to remember ::

Sunday, March 02, 2008 8:53 PM

The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of.

I once asked him
'if one day I move on, what would you do?'
his answer was 'then I will move on even more…'
that time I was very sad about this answer but
today I realize I am starting to apply his answer onto myself
not seeing/contacting him anymore, I am moving on
and knowing that he is moving on, I will move on even more
infact I am pretty amazed that I have not seen this person for 3 months
I actually survived 3 months without him,
Makes me feel like its true that ultimately we live for ourselves and not others
It might have been a tough and painful 3 months
But it made me stronger, gave me stronger bonds with my friends, so no regrets

Yesterday I watched the leap years, pretty touching, good old love story, though at first I din think it would be nice
One of the sentences that struck me was "you don need anyone’s approval to love someone"
How true; every decision you make, no matter how foolish it may seem to others, its your choice, and ultimately you learn from it
Another sentence was "in 3 words, I can sum up all I have learnt in life – it moves on"
Yes yes yes just like even though the terrorist guy is still at large, and our lives may be in danger, but we still have to continue our lives and not sit around mopping and crying over split milk
Life has so much to offer, though it takes time and patience to see it

I also learnt from the move that sometimes separation between two people who once were very close
They need to get out of each others lives completely as if they are not even friends
This is absolutely necessary for them to forget any unpleasant memories and to heal (although seemingly sad and unnatural)
so that one day down the road when they meet again
there will only be good memories that linger on
no grudges, no resentment, no hard feelings
leaving memories buried deeply in each others hearts that only they know and understand
what it used to mean and what it means now

maybe it will take another few years but that day would probably still come
I think that is the real closure, when there are no more romantic feelings at all
everyday its getting less painful to remember and recall
and I hope that it will be so for the rest of the days
the mars/venus book says "soon the pain will be gone, and you will only remember the love"

today I really got a heart attack when I saw a certain msg from 52639
luckily it was just a false alarm haha but it can give the wrong idea, the way the msg was written
I only felt so shocked and I was relieved that I was reading too much into it
Cause I dont think I am ready to handle complicated matters like that

And frankly I am quite happy with my life now
The freedom and not having to answer or explain yourself to anyone
Of course there are trade-offs but for now, I am contented
And I feel that one cannot force love to come
There must be fate and chemistry

But I will be more open to new experiences
Coz I have let go of the attachment to him
Surely he cant be the only one who can make me happy
Surely he cant be the only one whose smile I would adore
I m feeling more optimistic these days and I feel like part of the burden has been lifted off my shoulders
I think I have also forgiven myself for my own mistakes and realize that I must not continue to blame myself for today
What is most important is what I have learnt from these
So relieved… cause I have been waiting for this feeling for so long

In time to come I hope I will feel that its really okay
That he has found someone new
In real love, you want others to be happy. In romantic love, you want to be with them to be happy
i still rmb 4 years ago, I started feeling happy after I let go of 52639
cos I saw a photo of him smiling happily with his friends
and i realised he was still happy without me
then I genuinely felt happy for him

so this time round I was reflecting
and I realized all I wanted was to see him smile happily
though it wont be for me anymore
but if his new life makes him happy
I should be happy letting him be, instead of resentment, which wont do me good
And instead of why, how, what, and doubting questions..
I just wish that I have a place in his heart for being the 1st he loved, and that one day we could speak normally as friends, just like me and 52639 now..
And of course I hope that he will always be special to me, and I will be to him, too
That we may never forget the teensiest detail of what we shared
That those memories would never be overwritten by new ones, but just co-exsisting
It takes time and courage to feel this way
I am still working on it
Jiayou :)

Signing off,
no more branded, some things can never be changed, and some would never be the same again

Labels: growing up, if love wasnt so atrocious I would have stayed blind