a moment to remember

~songs in my head~

没有地球太阳还是会绕.

But I don’t care what they say. I’m in love with you.

I just wanna fall and lose myself Laughing so hard it hurts like hell Forget about everything and run away, yeah

~ MOTTO ~
:: if you have tried your best, there's no need for regrets. ::

~ THOUGHTS ~
By ourselves we are too weak to hold our own even for a moment.

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God" (Romans 8:28)

For what it's worth, it was worth all the while.

"God has given, God has taken, blessed be the name of God" (Job 1:21)

"I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out – plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

Hit Counters

:: juz taking a moment to remember ::

Friday, February 15, 2008 3:13 PM

Writing as catharsis

i just love the voice of lifehouse's lead singer, jason wade.
his voice is so soothing and emotional, and draws me to it.
just like the songs "you & me" and "you belong to me"
i found this song, its a wonderful song called "Storm".
somehow the song seems related to God
thank you for introducing me to lifehouse.

Lyrics to "storm"

How long have I been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form
Water's getting harder to tread
With these waves crashing over my head

If I could just see you
Everything would be alright
If I'd see you
This darkness would turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And know everything will be alright
And know everything is alright

I know you didn't bring me out here to drown
So why am I ten feet under and upside down
Barely surviving has become my purpose
Because I'm so used to living underneath the surface

If I could just see you
Everything would be alright
If I'd see you
This darkness would turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And know everything will be alright

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And know everything will be alright

And know everything is alright
Everything is alright
Everything is alright

i went for hair therapy yest. cut my hair just to remove that ugly shapeless shape (haha) so that i can grow it long properly. and i dyed it dark. no more bright highlighted hair. like the hair hebe from SHE used to have. quite like the change. and i wore grey contact lens today, tho it doesnt look gray. i like too! its a trial pair. will get my brown ones next week. i actually look fine with colored lens, after wanting to try for so long. then i went home and did face therapy - mask. at the same time, i tried my sister's aromatherapy, thats 3 forms of therapy in 1 night (but no retail therapy okay :D) and it really made me very relaxed and i had a rather gd slp tho i still woke up in the middle of the night, once or twice.

hmm.. after reading some of the old entries, i suddenly feel, all along i have been saying and thinking the same thing, not wanting to give up cuz it was perfect dream to me, cuz of all the gd times that i couldnt bear to let go, that i wanted to work things out etc. it has been so so long that i have been giving that excuse. there must be a limit, and i guess, things have proved themselves to be beyond my control. so its time to stop giving this excuse, stop saying or thinking 'i never imagined or expected it would end'.

i read something really enlightening in a magz yesterday. and i m going to borrow the book, mars and venus starting over. its by the author of men are from mars, women from venus, John Gray. in the article, he said that men and women deal with loss differently. men tend to want to forget the hurt, so they move into new relationships quickly, which may not work out when they realise they cannot commit. while for women, they become afraid to trust and thus they cannot receive love from other men. and that we must grieve and think about the memories even if they are painful, because its impt to remember the love we shared. if not, we will not heal properly and will live with the loss. he also said something like, be grateful for the good times, and find forgiveness for the bad times. only then can you move on.

i was thinking about it, and thought "its true, i have tried my best, and i have treasured it." and in fact, all those months when things were not good, i didnt take the easy way out. even though trying has caused me alot of sadness and pain, i dont regret, because it is afterall, commitment to a relationship, honoring the idea that in good times, and bad times, we will work things out. i am only saying goodbye now, not because i dont want to try anymore, but because it takes 2 hands to clap. there is this saying - letting go is not giving up, but accepting what you cannot change. 你有自由走, 我有自由好好過. since you are happy, i will accept that i cannot give you that happiness you want. for me, i hope this ending will bring new opportunities and from now, i can have a 'new' life, my own life, being happy and contented. thanks to wx, shuen, siting, roland for being my listening ears and support.. it was tough, still is, might still be as i fluctuate like rollercoaster, but i know you all will be there for me:)

below is an excerpt from the mars and venus starting over book, the first para is so true.

"of all losses, the loss of love is most painful. when we suffer other disappointments and injustices, it is love that comforts the soul and makes our pain bearable. in our daily lives when we experience loss, rejection or failure, our minds automatically protect us by remembering that we are loved. but when love is lost, there is no way to find relief; there is no comfort or protection. most often we are not aware of how much we rely on this support until it is taken away.

when we lose a primary source of love, we are suddenly stripped of all our defenses and forced to experience the raw pain of loss, the hurt of deprivation, and the sadness of loneliness. at this point, we not only mourn the loss of our loved one, but we also pray for relief and ask, "why does it hurt so much?"

there is no way we could ever anticipate the agonizing pain and emptiness following the loss of love. whether we have experienced a painful breakup, a divorce or the tragic death of a loved one, the result is a broken heart. at first we are stunned. we feel a sudden numbness. every cell in our body exclaims, " no! it cant be. i wont let it. this is not happening." we refuse to accept the loss.

we hope that we can wake up the next day and everything will be back to normal. if only it could be a bad dream. soon, we realize it has happened, and we cant go back to change it. when we accept our helplessness, reality sets in and we begin to feel alone. looking out at the horizon of our life, it is cold and barren. as our numbness gradually thaws, we realize that we are in pain and it hurts alot."

记得要忘记, 忘记
我提醒自己
你已经是人海中的一个背影
长长时光我应该要有
新的回忆
我将永不再触碰这记忆

爱呢 by S.H.E still really describes it all.
我的爱呢
你把它给谁了
知道世界很善变
没想到连你也变

Signing off,
no more ink.

Labels: growing up, i have atrocious friends, if love wasnt so atrocious I would have stayed blind