a moment to remember

~songs in my head~

没有地球太阳还是会绕.

But I don’t care what they say. I’m in love with you.

I just wanna fall and lose myself Laughing so hard it hurts like hell Forget about everything and run away, yeah

~ MOTTO ~
:: if you have tried your best, there's no need for regrets. ::

~ THOUGHTS ~
By ourselves we are too weak to hold our own even for a moment.

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God" (Romans 8:28)

For what it's worth, it was worth all the while.

"God has given, God has taken, blessed be the name of God" (Job 1:21)

"I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out – plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

Hit Counters

:: juz taking a moment to remember ::

Thursday, February 14, 2008 5:23 PM

self-pos·ses·sion - the trait of resolutely controlling your own behavior

i just saw something that reinforce reality, and i went cold again

somehow my blood just seems to freeze and my fingers are especially cold, and shivering.

maybe i should stare at it a thousand times, and then it will just feel numb. and more like reality.

i keep digging up what i shouldnt, to hurt myself, to make it sink in, more real, more permanent, to satisfy the insatiable urges to know, to self-destruct with the what, how, when, did you, have you questions, and trying to read your mind whether/why you rubbed salt into my wound today. you dont have to remind me that i am only 'sh'.

maybe to end it all, i have to receive the same amount of hurt as the amount of love and joy that occurred. something like to achieve equilibrium.

i was wondering when i saw that something, if God loves us all the same, why would he take my joy and give to someone else? it could still be me..

i thought its because i am a bad child, somehow.

but i asked Siting this and she said something to comfort me...

[Sitting Duck]: i would rather spend one lifetime with you, than to brave the ages of this world alone (arwen, lord of e rings) says (5:27 PM):
because the joy that u haf..is less than wad he wants to give u
just that u dun see it now

I got to trust Him, that this joy is not meant for me. In time to come, I will get the joy that God wants to offer to me in his greater plans. Even if they dont include you anymore....

thank you everyone who was there, and your flowers, sympathy bouquets, i call them. haha.
esp thanks siting for yest.

a true friend is one who cries with you when you cry.

Signing off,
no more ink.

Labels: God is good all the time, growing up, if love wasnt so atrocious I would have stayed blind