Wednesday, February 06, 2008 11:17 AM

of love and cliches.

Today I saw two quotes that kind of reached out to me.

The first one is quite common "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all."

The second quote is "The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost."

Is it really better to have loved and lost than never at all? Sometimes I will wonder whether I am just consoling myself or do I really feel this way, that at least there were good times ONCE. (gosh i hate this word) Shrugs.When love ends in tears, one will wonder about the meaning of the whole experience. I asked God many times, the meaning of the relationship, if it had to end, why did it even start? And worse, why did it last so long if it was not meant to be forever? Sometimes I would think, what kind of person would I be today if I had not met him. Would things be better, or just different from today?

And the second quote, "to realize that it might be lost", I guess it means that if you really love someone, or something, sometimes you have to accept they are lost, or gone from your life. Something like "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they are yours. If they don’t they never were." But it is easier said than done, to have the courage to really let someone you love go, WITHOUT the expectation or hope that they might come back. That means not living your life holding back from certain experiences or people because you are scared that if you move on, you will regret when the past returns to you. then again, it is easier said than done.

Recently quite a few people have asked or said thought-provoking things to me. they did make me reflect and think about the bigger picture, but it seems like i dont have much answers. i mean, i know, maybe things wont be the same anymore, but at least i know i am willing to try and battle till i am really convinced that whats broken and mended still wont work (but then again, theres nothing perfect in this world. so i dont believe that if something is broken and mended, it cannot work at all. it just takes alot of work and effort and willingness.)

I guess i am still feeling sad, as in not understanding why things had to end, feeling sad that things were once so good and loving, and thinking that how i may never find someone like that, someone i will naturally be sweet to, someone i will really want to care for and mean the world to me. to find someone whom i can connect emotionally with, communicate with, share the same level of thinking, the same beliefs about God, someone who i want to show the whole world and shout "yay, he's mine!"... once i had something like that, but today and each tomorrow that comes, i will have to start all over again, finding someone as compatible as he was for me. but i got to accept what i cannot change. and stop thinking the maybes. it is JUST NOT meant to be. still itching to type 'maybe it was not meant to be' instead. sigh.

By the way I dont think I will ever be attracted to girls in that way, like turn lesbian or something. Because I prefer men. Haha. I think men should always be stronger (physically is impt, but mentally n emotionally as well!) than their gfs because that is the reason they are called boyfriends and not girlfriends. I cannot stand if my man is weaker than me, cries more than me, more emotional and moody than me. And I think that men ought to take care of women in general, like protect them, and provide for them or what. Make them feel secure and safe in their arms. No way will I be the one holding the guy in my arms and saying "aw don’t cry.." I guess I still got a traditional mindset when it comes to this. BUT I ask for equality or at least sharing when it comes to household chores, and taking care of babies. Asking women to do everything at home and taking care of the kids is a male chauvinistic thing. NOT ACCEPTED.

Signing off,
no more ink

Labels: growing up, if love wasnt so atrocious I would have stayed blind