a moment to remember

~songs in my head~

没有地球太阳还是会绕.

But I don’t care what they say. I’m in love with you.

I just wanna fall and lose myself Laughing so hard it hurts like hell Forget about everything and run away, yeah

~ MOTTO ~
:: if you have tried your best, there's no need for regrets. ::

~ THOUGHTS ~
By ourselves we are too weak to hold our own even for a moment.

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God" (Romans 8:28)

For what it's worth, it was worth all the while.

"God has given, God has taken, blessed be the name of God" (Job 1:21)

"I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out – plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

Hit Counters

:: juz taking a moment to remember ::

Sunday, February 10, 2008 6:54 PM

my 4 days of cny

first day
watched my first movie in mysia!
cj7.. quite funny, and the ailen thing is very cute! haha... plus the little boy's acting very good. but the cinema layout sucks... we had a hard time going out cuz we had to go pass 8721018134 people who were queueing to buy tickets..
then it was travel + eat + eat + eat + sleep + sleep (i put on weight lah from all the gd food there, and they called me sleeping princess, i think they meant pig hahaa)
this year we left the house rather late, as compared to usual.
this year, the hse also very empty and sad...
no one was at home except my ah gu and my ah gim.. (mother's bro and his wife)
its so different from the past few years or when grandma was still around
everyone gathered at home to play poker, with laughter and happy shouting..
now even when theres people, everyone mind their own biz, or look gloomy

second day
woke up early to take long bus ride to melaka, to visit my 二夷 and 老夷
by the time we reached there also super late, and i just keep sleeping and sleeping on the bus..
we had a&w! so happy to see a&w there cuz no more in Sg liao...
the root beer float, waffle ice cream and curly fries.. best!
so nostalgic of the times my sister and i ate a&w at bedok interchange besides the lib..
then ate a gd home-cooked dinner by my 二夷 who grows her own veggies, so very fresh and yummy.. plus the soup... wow.. and the curry...
and then at night it was not very memorable
cuz there were some unhappiness and i cried to sleep, thinking alot of what i shouldnt be thinking of, at least not in that kind of context
sigh.

third day
hmm, went to visit my 老夷 who is my grandma's sister.
she very pitiful, cuz her children kinda neglect her and shes bed-ridden most of the time
no one feed her and she just lie there all day...
and she cried while we fed her.. see her cry i also almost couldnt control my tears
sigh. hope that she will stay healthy or move to old folk's home whereby there are nurses to care for her 24/7.
seriously sometimes i wonder, whether is it really true that blood is thicker than water
when you can just treat your parents like that...
its true, humans are ugly.
at night, we ate the most yummy and biggest putu pirian (not sure how to spell, but its like the chinese tu-tu kuey but with brown sugar inside) ever... so nice..
then i watched initial D! its nice because edison very shuai, and jay zhou is also very cool and charismatic in the show.. it was the cantonese version, so i had to read the subtitles..
and i think that my cousin (二夷's youngest son) look like su yong kang! but my other cousins dont agree! haha.. time flies the last time we saw him he was a kid, now 18 years liao.. so strange that some boy that we used to play with is now too big for us to play with liao haha..

fourth day (today)
literally travel all the way from 9 am to reach home at 3 plus pm..
the bus journey very uncomfortable!!
feel very tired.. think i will have an early night! again! haha..

overall i guess its just a normal cny, most of my angpows are ringgit, so i just gave the $ to my mother to repack them as ang pows to my cousins hhaa.. cuz i dont have any use for the $$ either.. got a few things i need to get.. like contact lens and new jeans, and i really hate my hair now (again, i know!) next time i m not going to dye it this color already, cuz it looks very bright after many washes.. maybe blue-black, or violet-black the next time.. but last dye was in dec, so its abit too early.. later all my hair drop haha. or maybe a deep dark brown.. or red.. constance dyed her hair red/purple and it looks very nice on her.

these 4 days also made me afraid. i realise if i have nothing to do, i will think alot again.
it brings me to areas that are dangerous to go to, because its no longer like during exams whereby i could still fall back and find a pillar of support
now i suffer alone because words are insufficient to express my feelings, and even if i do say them out, it will just be like a song on repeat mode that doesnt mean anything anymore.
i yearn to get out of this, but the waves of the ocean and the tides keep sweeping me in.. back and forth i rock.. where do i escape to?

he said he did other things to occupy himself, and at first it was difficult but now its okay.. how come it does not work for me? i do things to occupy myself, but yet its still difficult. when will it be the day it will be okay for me.. i keep thinking about the last things we ought to do, but i know i am afraid to do them, because i am afraid that instead of telling myself 'okay thats it, you should let go now, once n for all', those freshly acquired memories would stay for a long time to haunt me even deeper than the old memories now.

i just want to get out of singapore, go to somewhere that you dont exist, where these memories dont work their magic on me, where i can release all my tears and truly be able to say that i've moved on.. but even in my dreams, they are haunting me..

back to work tml. a long week that i hope can hurry up.

Signing off,
no more ink.

Labels: dreams, growing up, if love wasnt so atrocious I would have stayed blind