a moment to remember

~songs in my head~

没有地球太阳还是会绕.

But I don’t care what they say. I’m in love with you.

I just wanna fall and lose myself Laughing so hard it hurts like hell Forget about everything and run away, yeah

~ MOTTO ~
:: if you have tried your best, there's no need for regrets. ::

~ THOUGHTS ~
By ourselves we are too weak to hold our own even for a moment.

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God" (Romans 8:28)

For what it's worth, it was worth all the while.

"God has given, God has taken, blessed be the name of God" (Job 1:21)

"I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out – plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

Hit Counters

:: juz taking a moment to remember ::

Monday, February 25, 2008 9:08 PM

gratitude and sweetness

before i forget this moment i want to write it down so that someday i will come back and know i once felt this way. i dont care what anyone thinks but it means so much that i must have it on record.

i went jogging just now, and aft that i decided to hang ard my void deck area and the nearby blks where i spent many moments with him in the early part of our r/s to feel how it was like before and let the memories flow into me. to be sad once and for all.

it was tears mixed with sweat, and each smile that i got from thinking of a sweet memory turned into tears. i sat at the exact spots, where we used to hang out after sch, refusing to go home, just for that one more min, where i first kissed him on the cheek, where we first took photos tog, where he was sitting with moomoo, my 1st bday present, where we sat with tigger the day before he was enlisting, the times we studied there... and everything, our faces, the images, the details came rushing like water flowing into a river. mostly memories from the first 2 yrs. reminds me of all the love before.

and then i felt relieved from the tears and i wanted to push myself more, to face all the hidden fears and emotions and walk all the way to his house, stand there and recall everything, cuz i rmb the first time he sent me home and walked home himself, he said he counted 1000 steps. i had the urge to find out if it was really true. but i didnt, in the end.

and i came back and i saw the bday present he did for me in 2006, the book full of photos, comics, song lyrics and written memories of us. it was so so sweet. he drew me comics, he wrote and mailed me letters, he studied with me at mac without a complaint during my 1st 2 yrs in uni, he drove over in the middle of night just to fetch me home cuz i quarrelled with wx over marketing.. i still rmb someone said we were so sweet to still write each other letters.

and i read in my diary how those times that i was so down abt my studies and family, he was there to cheer me up, to support me, and i feel so grateful for all the love before.

looking back, i was really chubby and fat back then. and he was really young looking. but then we were very much in love. and there were all the 'i hope we would withstand time and cirumstances' and 'our feelings would not change' things we said...

thank you, thank you for giving me such good memories
memories i hope i wont forget but be able to incorporate into my life without hurting me
thank you for such joy and the deep love and care that you once showed me
and from the book of memories u gave me,
i have no doubts you really did loved me before.
and i think with all the photos and records of our love,
i wont forget even tho i will move on
we had a happy past tog
and i hope that we will each be happy in future

again words dont express how i all feel inside, but its a warm, wistful, sweet, sad, but touching realisation that those are the past. but at least, i once experienced.

today i really feel the meaning of 曾经拥有就够了.

the mars and venus book is right, we must remember the love we shared, and find forgiveness for the bad times. i dont want to stay angry or keep asking why anymore. rmbing the love makes me feel more comforted that it wasnt one-sided nor did i loved in vain. things changed, yes, but what will be, will be. i'll leave my life to God.

Signing off,
no more ink.

Labels: growing up, if love wasnt so atrocious I would have stayed blind