~songs in my head~
没有地球太阳还是会绕.But I don’t care what they say. I’m in love with you. I just wanna fall and lose myself Laughing so hard it hurts like hell Forget about everything and run away, yeah ~ MOTTO ~ :: if you have tried your best, there's no need for regrets. :: ~ THOUGHTS ~ By ourselves we are too weak to hold our own even for a moment. "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God" (Romans 8:28) For what it's worth, it was worth all the while. "God has given, God has taken, blessed be the name of God" (Job 1:21) "I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out – plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” (Jeremiah 29:11) Hit Counters |
:: juz taking a moment to remember ::
Sunday, December 27, 2009 8:48 PM
the year end post - a long read ahead every year, somewhere along after christmas to the last few days of that particular year i will start to feel bleak and emotional and i find writing/blogging a huge cartharsis a large part of me wishes for the last days to just breeze past so that i will find myself in another new year and think to myself its another year of hope, dreams and to-dos another part of me always find myself thinking lots about the past what kind of person i have become how has things shaped me whether im in better shape or worse than the previous year hoping that this year has been worthy hoping that the next year would propel me to greater heights its always interesting to go back and read about what i wrote during the end of each year recapping on the 365 days that made up 2007, 2008 and now 2009 let me see 2009, if i could rate it like a movie, i would give it 2.5 popcorns out of 5 for better comparison, i think 2007 was the worst year of my life (1.5 popcorns out of 5) that year's breakup and the aftermath i had to go through is the incident in my life that was the most painful and something i would like to erase actually this year was not so good for me because there were too many uncertainties it was a transition, from a student to a working adult and it was not a smooth and easy transition infact i find myself still grappling with it there were many ups and downs my fyp... the tough days of my last semester, late handing in our fyp report, thunderstorm on the day of our international women's day run, it all seemed so long ago but it was only this march. in april, i started my first real job. it was tough, the place was ridiculous, but i learnt alot, i did things that i might never do again. i ate more longjohnsilvers than i ever did after i turned 15... and i met some people whom im really glad for... in june, there was another breakup. it wasnt as ugly as the 2007 one but i too, learnt from it. what i wanted, what i needed, and i also picked up what would make me a better person. it sounds ironic but i think i was being practical when i walked away from a practical person practical because i know i was still searching for my ideals and i was probably being more honest to myself than i could have been now looking back on all the things and people whom gave me their time and love after branded and i broke up... i can only say, i think i can explain why some things happen but other things did not happen - it is a matter of the right time, right place, not so much whether the right person or not. just like how dq was very good to me but it was definitely not the right time and even if it was the right time at that time, he would have eventually not turned out to be the right person, im sure of that. sometimes when you look back, read old stuff, see old photos, or just old memories, you wondered when exactly, at which point, on which date at which hour and minute and which second, did the significance of those words, those memories, cease to exist. in august, i went to Bangkok. it was my first overseas trip without my parents or chaperons and it was no school excursion. i went with my best friend and my boyfriend. couldnt have asked for more but more trips in future. in sept, i made the choice to leave, and to leave without a job, to find my identity the past 3 months i struggled with myself, with my emotions, questioning over and again, who am i, what should i do, what are my aspirations, would i make a good teacher, do i have the passion to last in advertising, when can i go into branding, would someone hire me in marketing, on and on... and here i am now, wondering whether this storm, this crisis of mine, has finally decided to take a hiatus it has always been difficult for me. i know what i dont want, what i sucks at. but i cant seem to pinpoint what i really want, what i excel at. additionally, i find that as i grow older, some friendships just become more slippery people dont bother to stay in touch as much, people have other activities i used to feel more popular socially lately i started to feel im not happening or sociable maybe cause i din have any friends to go xmas partying with or xmas gatherings to attend maybe it is true friends come and go i received a xmas card from june, my old old primary sch friend i was really surprised yet not... guilty to say, she has always been sending me greeting cards since we left primary school (i think the last meetup we had was in sec 2? or maybe never. i cant recall) i think she only missed out 1 or 2 years, i think it was last year. well you could say maybe she has too many greeting cards and just conveniently sent me one, but it takes more effort than just a stamp. the fact that she even still remembers my address and didnt just assume i might have moved, really touches me. in the card she wrote 'dearest siew hoon, long time no contact babe. hope u r doing grt. keep in touch ya:)" and after all these years (10 years already!) she still signs off the same, "June xoxo" followed by the year. in the same handwriting that i will always recognise from the envelope. friendships take two hands to clap. but more often than not, it takes a very brave and strong hand to start the initiative, so i decided i would write back to her, old school style via snail mail. and see how we could regain a friendship:) its really amazing cuz i think i dont even have her hp, msn or facebook. shes really sweet to send me a card. 2 years ago i blogged about june too. i wrote about true friends. there are alot of friends whom i miss, some of them; i was very close to them before, during secondary, during jc, during uni... but somehow i guess as we grow, we have more and more things and people in our life and less and less time to meetup and keep in contact with everyone.. friendship is however a two-way thing. if one party keeps initiating, but the other party doesnt reciprocate, theres only so far the friendship can go. however despite all these, i think i ought to count my blessings too i have never spent xmas or most of my last 5 years on earth being single and alone even in the year 2007 when i was technically single, i spent xmas and new yr eve with dq i also have this awesome as hell best friend whom i know i can count on and call on anytime thank you wenxin:) shes a constant in my fluctuating life and i have my family. my sister whom i may not tell everything to but i will always go to her when i m most down. my naughty nephew isaac who brings us so much joy. and my parents who worked so hard for us to be where we are today. our first family trip to HK happened this year too. though i complained that i had to compromise on the itinerary cos of my parents, but i know it will be one of my beloved memories many years from now. in the past 6 months i also watched more movies than i did in the previous year it was totally a blast. i also starting reading more regularly now, buying more books instead of just going to the library, which i stopped after 2007 i shopped more, alot of window shopping but nonetheless very pleasuring and i spent more money on food and new places but it was all worth thank you zhe for making me able to be myself the me you see is the real me, every bit of me and i think that the best gift one can give to their partner is oneself, our most inner sacred self which we might not show to the rest of the world we shouldnt be afraid to be who we really are in a relationship we just got to find someone who is willing to accept our true self and we will be comfortable in our own skin in their company i hope come next year end there wont be anymore endings to mention. it may be a tough journey, and we may not always be happy but we will do whatever it takes right darling "If we're gonna make this work You gotta let me inside even though it hurts Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me" - Whatever it takes by LIFEHOUSE and lastly, here are my dreams and hopes for the upcoming year 1. to settle down in my career and be at where i want to be 2. to have a good relationship and touchup on my friendships 3. to travel to at least 2 places (HK in the 1st half year, maybe Taiwan or China in the later part, although short trips to resort places like Bali/Phuket would be really awesome) 4. to work harder and earn more recognition for pause&play 5. to save more money for my future 6. to forgive and forget 7. to buy my first branded bag (LV) heh! i may just buy the second hand LV Noe Epi (red or mustard) from HK first cause that model isnt available in sg anymore! so excited! this might just be my last post before 2010, or maybe not. i wish all of you a very happy new year ahead. just in case=) goodbye or see you I'll be your best kept secret or your biggest mistake Labels: growing up 0 wore their hearts on their sleeves <$BlogItemCommentCount$> Comments:<$BlogCommentBody$> By <$BlogCommentAuthor$>, at <$BlogCommentDateTime$> <$BlogCommentDeleteIcon$> |
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