a moment to remember

~songs in my head~

没有地球太阳还是会绕.

But I don’t care what they say. I’m in love with you.

I just wanna fall and lose myself Laughing so hard it hurts like hell Forget about everything and run away, yeah

~ MOTTO ~
:: if you have tried your best, there's no need for regrets. ::

~ THOUGHTS ~
By ourselves we are too weak to hold our own even for a moment.

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God" (Romans 8:28)

For what it's worth, it was worth all the while.

"God has given, God has taken, blessed be the name of God" (Job 1:21)

"I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out – plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

Hit Counters

:: juz taking a moment to remember ::

Monday, May 25, 2009 9:27 PM

a trail of thoughts

the flu bug has caught up with me... body aches, runny nose + lots of phlegm
tried to get 2 day mc again, but damn, hate doctors
whoever said no fever can only get 1 day mc??!
we the patients should know our bodies the best..
if we ask for 2 day mc u shd jolly give us that.
next time i should ask my son/daughter be daughter, then give people lots of MC...
hahaha... i realise how the 'not giving mc' thing reflects the competitiveness of singapore
sometimes it doesnt mean u have to be so sick until lying in hospital bed then its called sick
sometimes MC is another opportunity for working people to rest our bodies and mental health

speaking of which, i have been thinking much lately
i gave a verbal resignation last friday... but there was no real conclusion cuz after that my manager was out of office, and today i was on mc again.. he said they will be giving one of the accounts i have to someone new (wonder when that someone new will come?!!).. and i must say i was relieved. that client is a mad cat. anyhow shout and vent anger on others. i also nv give face, just argue back with her. haha. oh wells...
i have been thinking, did i jump too quickly into my 1st job?
should i have given more thought, given myself more time to think of what i really wanted?
or was it also a blessing in disguise, for me to realise what i value in life?
i've been thinking deeply... its not as if i dont enjoy being in this industry, but the company culture that i have experienced so far, that really jaded me..
adding to that, the feedback from my colleagues (some who are leaving as well), arent that encouraging either for me to want to stay on..
the only reason thats really holding me back is the fear of not finding another similar (and better) job in this economy. its been a struggle really.... do you think not one day passes without me weighing the pros and consequences of being free?
almost everyday, its either my bf, my mum, or my sister, asking when or if i have resigned..
sometimes it makes myself even more fan.. altho i understand all their concerns, but at the same time, i am the person living in those shoes, i know the situation best... and i also know best my abilities, and the fact that i am a greenhorn will not help me much in my next job-hunting.

thats also one reason why i thought of going into teaching...
i came to realise, i am not someone that is super ambitious, i do not see myself climbing the corporate ladder to be someone in the top management or watever. my greatest wish in life is just to be happy. and i realised being in a unpredictable and irregular environment doesnt seem to make me that happy... in teaching, the job is pretty stable, you roughly know what time u can end work everyday, and it will def not be beyond a certain time (depending on AM or PM session), and if i teach, i can still have the time to continue an online biz, not like now.. :(
not to mention, the starting pay for teaching is at least a good few hundreds from my pathetic peanut sauce now.. sometimes there are dreams, and passions, but there's also something called reality that smacks right into your face. reality is telling me i should abandon my 'wish to work in creative env' cuz it pays me peanuts, and that i still nd to pay my loans, and you think all those getting married, buying house dreams, they dont cost a thing?

at the same time, i tot of working a few years in an agency/client's side first..before i switch to teaching.. but if i have no real intention of continuing in the same industry, then what for i plant my ass there now?

saying all these, i wished somehow that i was working at design bridge. i dont know if its also the economy hurting their pockets, but i wish they had at least replied me, after being so keen at first.. looking at the past year's photos of my internship there, i really felt happy being there.. and i wld give much to go back there now.. hahah.. maybe its a gut instinct kind of thing, but something in me (plus the colleagues there said so) tells me the work culture will be better over thr..

having shared so much about work... i want to say, i really miss hall life!
i was looking through many old photos, and gosh.. it hit me, how fresh and green we all looked when we were freshies.. i for one, was super toot.. haha alongst side with my dearest kukubird.. and caddie.. i still rmb the scene of us sitting at can 13 during the 1st day as hermes.. ordered wanton mee.. with the annoying flies around us. and i saw some photos, then realised roland n i were playing the 'pass polo sweet and poker card' together! arhhh, the horrors, no wonder i dont rmb a thing until i saw the photos, must have thought he was an ah tiong back then! heh. dearest kukubird was also shying away from the ang moh in our group! haa.. and then there were the different years of foc, dnd and diff supperhops and all other social activities... everyone have moved out of hall.. and its a permanent one.. for us graduating students.. those 4 years were so much fun.. relax, sing song play mahjong.. university is but a cruel 4 years of freedom and slack, doesnt prepare us for the real working life at all. haha.

miss those late night sessions we had as csbs, the times we went to JB for zi char as BC club, having watermelon juice and laughing till our stomach aches, the times we painted our faces, did silly things for halloween, foc, and whats not.. most of all, i miss the sheer distance between all of us.. just next door (for sj and sw) or just one or 2 levels/blocks away.. i miss going to hall 12 office to retrieve my parcels.. miss the can14 grilled fish and can13 cheap and good horfun...

looking at those photos, i feel like i didnt really change that much, if you just look at year 1 and now photos. but in between, during year2 and 3 when i had short hair, that me looks different.. and now i concluded, the best hair for me is medium length with long fringe... also the hair that i spotted last year during internship haha.. somehow thats the correct mix.. cant wait for my fringe to grow out! hopefully i wont itchy hand go cut bangs again... just let the memory of bangs come from the photos i have taken.. haha...

i just, i guess, miss being a student. when i went back that day to CS building to collect my internship cert, part of me felt so nostalgic.. could still rmb that very day i went there for my interview and test as part of the application to the sch.. and now, i am already the alumni... time realllly realllly flies. now that we are all busy with our own lives, i see now why its so hard to meetup, and sometimes friends just lose contact.. only gathering for big events like weddings and life (newborns) and deaths (choy)... having said that, i hope that even as we all dont get to meet regularly the friendship we shared will forever be etched inside us.. and when we do have the chance to meet once a while for ktv or dinner, take it with a big smile and enjoy... =)

as for my career...i hope i will know what decision to make, soon.

goodbye or see you,
I'll be your best kept secret or your biggest mistake.

Labels: a woman's work is never done, growing up