a moment to remember

~songs in my head~

没有地球太阳还是会绕.

But I don’t care what they say. I’m in love with you.

I just wanna fall and lose myself Laughing so hard it hurts like hell Forget about everything and run away, yeah

~ MOTTO ~
:: if you have tried your best, there's no need for regrets. ::

~ THOUGHTS ~
By ourselves we are too weak to hold our own even for a moment.

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God" (Romans 8:28)

For what it's worth, it was worth all the while.

"God has given, God has taken, blessed be the name of God" (Job 1:21)

"I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out – plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

Hit Counters

:: juz taking a moment to remember ::

Wednesday, May 09, 2007 1:07 AM

fighting the blues

i dont know why but these 2 days i have been feeling blue
its like i have no drive at all
i do things aimlessly, habitually, and addicted to online shopping but not buying anything. just looking and looking. not knowing for what, or why.
i feel like i dont know how to be alone anymore
silence is deafening
i equate being alone as loneliness and i become even more afraid of loneliness
yet i went shopping alone after work
taking pleasure in that in the sea of faces, none were familiar to me
and i was nobody's friend

isit because i have become over-reliant on others
isit that i have lost myself?
i want to be strong and independent like before
i dont know who i am, what i did, why things became this way
i feel very uncertain, like living on false hope
not knowing when happiness will burst
maybe i am avoiding things and sorting out of thoughts
i keep living in the past
dreams, nightmares, memories all rolled into one
images of past teachers, forgotten classmates, lost lovers, friends that drifted away, places that exist with meanings only known to myself, things that happened...
but i realise memories are very transient
they fade easily
but words are more physical
if i knew that memories would fade and that i remember less and less vividly with time,
i would have recorded every single detail of my life.
from primary school to now
so that i will remember why i feel closer to a certain primary school friend vs another who i vaguely remember being frens with since PY5 (kindergarden) and i also remember counting we were friends for 7 years at primary school.
so that i will remember the people who i let slipped from my life better and the things we did tog
so that i will.. i duno if i am right to say this.. so that i will take a different path..

the choice or decision that you make will lead you to a different set of more decisions, depending on what you choose, which eventually alters your life because of the choice you first made.

i dont know if you ever read this kind of book, but it was my favorite kind of book when i was young. some books allow you to make choices and then lead you to different endings based on what you chose. eg: the story may go 'you meet a bear in the forest, what would you do?'

and you may choose to run away, or confront the bear, or climb up a tree, etc. and when you choose one of them, you will be asked to turn to a certain page where you make other decisions.

its really fun, but i havent seen that kind of book for a long long time.

i know this is a very.. morbid post.. but i do have happy news

i am going to HK!!!!!!! yay..... the thought of it cheers me up a little, although its in end June.

$10 boots, here i come.

i still dont know how to say bye/see you in korean, but let me say 감사합니다 'kam sa ha ni da' for reading. haha. hangul (korean's alphabet) is really hard to pronounce! easier to read.

and 사랑해 'sarang hae' means i love you

gtg. work tml again. hope can wake up.

Signing off,
no more ink.

Labels: growing up, i have atrocious friends