a moment to remember

~songs in my head~

没有地球太阳还是会绕.

But I don’t care what they say. I’m in love with you.

I just wanna fall and lose myself Laughing so hard it hurts like hell Forget about everything and run away, yeah

~ MOTTO ~
:: if you have tried your best, there's no need for regrets. ::

~ THOUGHTS ~
By ourselves we are too weak to hold our own even for a moment.

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God" (Romans 8:28)

For what it's worth, it was worth all the while.

"God has given, God has taken, blessed be the name of God" (Job 1:21)

"I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out – plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

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:: juz taking a moment to remember ::

Tuesday, March 13, 2007 2:04 PM

dreams and growing up

Dreamt it was Chinese new year or something. Was in Malaysia, and my mum wanted to get me to stay longer but I told her I had a lot of projects etc. then she started saying the usual stuff what so many projects etc.. then I saw my grandmother.. talking to other relatives. She was busy and I didn’t get to talk to her.. but in the dream I didn’t go think that she shouldn’t be there cuz she has passed away.. also dreamt of jx and zw again.. hmm something to do with jx winning some award lah.. then we were all happy, etc.. it was much longer in the dream lah.. but describing it out changes the feeling.. haha.. it reminds me of the times of puppy love..

Anyway the thing is, I woke up and jumped out of bed cuz it was late already.. I opened the door and guess who is the person I first see. We said good morning as usual.. but it wasn’t until I went into the toilet thinking hmm I miss my grandmother.. that it dawned upon me that I always thought the cleaning auntie resembles my grandmother. Woah!! Kinda spooky but in a nice way lah.. is there such a coincidence? Maybe God sent her to work here so that I can see her often, someone looking or feeling like my grandmother.. she really gives me the grandmother feeling..

- i typed this in the morning before i left for class. usually i wouldnt post my dreams here but i dont know.. this dream feels nice to share.. haha..

and i was pleasantly surprised that my classmates and the tutor seem to like my script today. i know the ending totally sucks, but then considering that i only had time to do it yesterday, and then slpt at 3 am, tried to wake at 6, woke up at 6 and reset my alarm to 6.20, and finally jumping out of bed at 7.30.. and then finishing up the script in 227 class because i decided against not going to class, i think i am pretty happy about it. i wrote about my family. a situation between me, my sister and brother in a imaginary future. i am always keen to explore how siblings' relationships change and develop as they grow. i see most siblings drift apart.. its sad and somehow i think it will be that way too for me and my siblings. i incorporated some truth into the characters.. like how i am quick-tempered and will scold customers, and how i hate people putting words into my mouth and conflicts between me and my sister..

i think i dont feel right if i dont write. no pun intended, but maybe thats why i started a blog. anyway, this drama module is never-ending. we were paired today and got to write another 6-12 pages about body parts. instructions getting more and more vague. but i suppose thats the good part about such a creative thinking class, you are not restricted by boundaries. ch** by*, f**k, na be* and whatever vulgarities or mahjong terms also can come out. and its really amazing today when i finally realise the difference between theatre and film.. it seems very obvious, but mainly because i usually watch stuff for entertainment only so i never think too much. writing for film and theatre are very different, and we are so used to movies (must have plot, must have story) that we forget that theatre is a very different artform in itself. the appeal of it lies in the fact that movie relies on actions (what happens next, what's the climax, starting, middle, ending) vs theatre which allows so much more 'breathing' and 3D dimensions of characters. its so much easier to feel for theatre characters than movie characters...

and today's scripts made me realise that its really true; life has many unresolved issues, life is not obvious.. so sometimes why do we keep pushing for things to be resolved? its not so easy, and maybe we shouldnt try too hard.. just accept it and what comes along..

also, being paired with a 4th year student who doesnt look like she is that old, makes me think about my age too. i dont feel 21. i dont look 21 either. i think i feel.. maybe 18? not very different from JC i think. but i think of the number 21, it seems and feels old to me. so am i old anot? is age just a number?

and i really start to question myself abt having children.. some incidents happening that make me feel this way. if you dont think you can cope, think that you will grumble about having to support your children, etc, and want to just walk away.. then children is not a good idea. i always think, parents shdnt blame their children for having to support them.. children didnt ask to be born either.. if they dont want to support, then they shouldnt have given birth. i know, 说得容易，做的难。thats why i am questioning myself.

Signing off,
no more ink.

Labels: dreams, growing up