~songs in my head~
没有地球太阳还是会绕.But I don’t care what they say. I’m in love with you. I just wanna fall and lose myself Laughing so hard it hurts like hell Forget about everything and run away, yeah ~ MOTTO ~ :: if you have tried your best, there's no need for regrets. :: ~ THOUGHTS ~ By ourselves we are too weak to hold our own even for a moment. "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God" (Romans 8:28) For what it's worth, it was worth all the while. "God has given, God has taken, blessed be the name of God" (Job 1:21) "I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out – plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” (Jeremiah 29:11) Hit Counters |
:: juz taking a moment to remember ::
Sunday, May 14, 2006 7:40 PM
slightly depressed about life. warning: ultra depressing. may affect your mood. life seems to be a journey. wait. it is a journey. i read and finished a 300+ page book today. very good stuff. its by Nicci Gerrard - "things we knew were true". the book made me depressed, and very sad. it tells tales of first love, adultery, family secrets and relationships between siblings in a very insightful and thought-provoking manner. the main theme i feel is CHANGE.. how it is inevitable. and thats what makes life so sad. read until i really feel humans really just cannot control themselves, and end up committing stupid mistakes sometimes, and trying to rectify them so that their lives go back to normal, and like before they did wrong to their loved ones. the book started off with the main character Edie meeting her first love Ricky and falling heed over heels in love, the both of them. She thought Ricky was her everything, and that at 16, love was all that matters. Then tragedy struck. her father committed suicide. cuz he was depressed and also lost his job. just suddenly. her whole family moved away to forget the memories. She broke up with Ricky - just like that - because she couldnt place him and sex in her mind without thinking of her father. (what happened was one day her dad came into her room, and she n Ricky were well, engaged in hanky panky lah. she was v rude to him and even addressed him curtly by his first name.) the second part of the book, Edie is married to Alex and has 3 children already. (Some 20 years passed.. i felt very empty when the book suddenly skipped to this part. it made me feel very like as if 20 years were nothing. not important. can just fast forward.) then comes another sad part. woah i read till very depressed lah. Edie's mother also passed away in a drink-driving accident. apparently her mother has nv got over her father. Family secrets start to be unraveled. the mother actually was having an affair with another man so probably thats why the father killed himself. the 3 sisters thus came together to arrange their mother's funeral. and here's many things are revealed. like Stella the pretty and popular girl in the past had now become a weary mother of an autistic son, and her husband is cheating on her. Jude the fat girl in the past has become very slim and successful, and is having an affair with a married man. (how true that 'feng shui lun lui zhuan') Edie herself got back in touch with Ricky, and for reasons she couldnt explain herself, she had sex with him twice. betrayed her nice, loving husband. i guess its cuz she and Ricky never said goodbye properly, and thus its easy to be led back into that old desire and love. eventually, she told Alex the truth. and he gradually forgave her. (its difficult not to anyway, when they already have 3 dependent-on-them children) the book ended with Edie still being haunted by the images of her father's drowned face, and how one night she told her father was calling her name, and the memories of him playing with her. and how that voice would never come again. omg. ultimate sad for me. sad cuz... life seems more dreary the other one becomes. no matter how young and pretty or whatever u are now, u will still grow old, lose your looks, be tied with family stuff and work, having to make the very sacrifices that you see your parents making for you. everything is transient. change is the only constant. things that you have now, people who are lucky now, may not be as lucky next time, like Stella. so i guess everyone will have Good times and bad times? so that life's fair? how the sisters have their own lives after they grow up. reminds me of my bro, sis and myself. guess everyone will lead their own lives, and its just so weird.. people you grew up tog with, and then so stranger like after u all grow up. and perhaps only meet and see one another once in a blue moon, or on special occasions. how memories, certain memories, always haunt u even after many years. there are things like death that we cannot ever accept. even if that person has been gone for v long, we still miss them. i also felt sad abt Edie and Ricky's love. Cuz something so beautiful, suddenly without reason or law, its cut (and forever) off. the end. things just cannot return to the original state. time does its wonders. time passes and things change and they just cannot go back. they will feel different. how the relationship between parents and children change as the children grow up. when young, parents were first priority, and the people we first go to when we have problems or joy to share. they loved us dearly too when we were born, and called us 'precious', 'darlings', and their greatest joy. and how caring for us was very fulfilling and all. then we grew up, things change. arguments, and we turn to friends and bf/gf instead. parents grow old. we grow up. the relationship once so pure and loving, just seems to be gone. cuz we are independent le, can take care of ourselves. even if the relationship remains cordial, its still feels different. a relationship where parents need to take care of children cuz the latter simply are vulnerable and have to be protected is one that is very sacred i would think. we wont rely on them so much, so the love is somewhat different. it becomes even more weird after children have their own children. its like LOVE.. its only one word.. but it is so huge.. it has to be distributed to so many.. i wonder how. and between loving the husband and ur children, who do u love more? i heard usually the mother will start to love the children more than her husband, thats why husband will feel neglected and then go have affairs. how sad. growing up, and even today, i am still afraid that my life in the future would be somehow like what i have described above. it will be very meaningless for me. i should stop typing cuz i will think of even more sadder scenarios. i am feeling very sad now. sigh.. i dont wanna go into how i am afraid of what kinda person i will become should my family members 'leave' one day.. i know i am being very morbid. but u have been warned. (i actually think anyone who read till this part deserves applause for being here with me..) and secretly i think i am really a morbid person. haha. very weird sometimes. Signing off, no more ink. 0 wore their hearts on their sleeves <$BlogItemCommentCount$> Comments:<$BlogCommentBody$> By <$BlogCommentAuthor$>, at <$BlogCommentDateTime$> <$BlogCommentDeleteIcon$> |
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