Sunday, February 27, 2005 7:43 PM

fear has taken over me and my body, and my soul, and my mind.. ahhh!!

i m really v worried abt my results suddenly.. these few days, i been thking abt the topic almost evryday n nite b4 i slp.. (as if i m getting it tml) haha.. but den altho many ppl say things like a lvls is nt the end of the world, but i thk we will really suddenly get 'lost' if our results sucks till cant go uni rite? it will be like, wth, where are we going to go now? go back to poly? to jc2 again? to NIE straightaway? to ite, private, retake, stop studying n step out to working society as a lowly paid assistance in a sales departmental store for the rest of our lives? i dare nt thk too far abt these possiblities, bcuz i dun wan all these to happen, i dun wan to haf to make a choice out of these.. rather, i wan to get into uni.. i m nt sure really, if i m afraid i cant go to uni (perhaps, cuz w/o maths, i m like MUST MUST go arts fac..wat other little choice do i haf?), or that i thk i shd b able to get into uni but just nt the course i wan.. wic is comm studies in ntu.. sigh.. i mean, it will b terribly fortunate already if i can get ANY place in uni (arts fac in nus or the new arts course in ntu) but den i have been dreaming abt going mass comm since sec sch, and i haf turned back on temasek poly's offer to me to get a diploma in comm studies, so tis is prob y i m feeling exxtra edgy over my results.. wat if i cant get into comm studies in ntu, i mite scold myself or worse, regret that i came to jc..blah, blah.. and turned my back on the diploma offered, thrown easily to me 2 years ago.. arh!! i m terribly scared, and dunoo wat to thk, optimistic, or pessimistic, (cant dun thk leh, tho not thking is the best choice).. sigh sigh.. i just wished the o lvls had been released last fri, so we wldnt have to wait til next mon to get ours.. cuz its rumoured that it will b one wk after o's ma.. means wait longer.. sigh! why?!! go hack moe system, or be burglar go steal the results.. haha.. haiz but no matter wat results i get, it is going to b mine, n stuck with me the rez of my life.. so it better b at least decent... at least i dropped ao maths tt time, if nt that subj surely flunk with f9 or max d7 and make my cert ugly.. lolz..

anw, i went shopping yest! bought a discman, yeah, wich i wante3d to buy for soooo long.. from panasonic, $199.. *xin tong*... (cuz my salary deduct 20% cpf... damn, so much leh, sob sob , v sad.. means less $ to spend now) haha... and also a pink cap fr OP.. $23, quite ok, cuz i been looking for a nice cap tt i like n affordable for a long time liao.. now dun haf to always complain the sun is hot and 'kop' baby's cap to wear, hahaaa...hmm, i wanna go eat buffet leh.. haha.. like sushi buffet, and those at the big hotels.. nvm, soon soon... and i wanna go learn driving, but i duno hw, and prob also 'nt much time' leh.. cuz i everyday work work work... den weekends MUST go out ma.. lolz... but den these few mths "nth to do" (ironic words that i use) is the best time in life to go learn tis must learn skill.. if nt go uni, even more bz...

and talking abt uni.... i thk abt results again, and i.... better go...
sigh sigh...hope that there will b a miracle for me like during my o's...

Signing out,

pen is running out of ink.